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Love doesn't sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all of the time, made new. --Ursula K. LeGuin

He Has No Interests

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I just started dating this guy who has been a really good friend for about a year. He's really sweet and we mostly have fun together and he is not stupid. But then he has like no life. He doesn't have any hobbies or interests, is not very creative and thus doesn't know what to do on dates. It's hard to get him to talk because there's nothing to talk about. But once i get him to talk it's really fun and interesting. He is always there for me and is really caring.

I don't want to lose him but i get bored. I'm an artist and do a lot of stuff in college and he just doesn't seem to be interested in anything. What can I do?

RomanceClass.com Advice
Ah, you hit on one of those truisms of relationships. The best relationships are between two INDIVIDUALS. Each person should be content as a person, with interests, hobbies and passions. Those two people then get together to share their worlds, their loves and interests with each other. That is where they survive together for decades, always learning and growing and encouraging each other.

What you have is another kind of relationship, where one person in essence has no life and sort of "leeches" onto the other person. They don't bother to learn anything, or do anything, they just sort of float along behind the person who DOES have a life. And while that is OK for maybe a year or two, after a while it gets old. Because a real partnership is about two people who grow together. If one person is always dragging the other person along, it becomes very unhealthy.

I would really encourage him to find things to be interested in. If not for the relationship's sake, for his own sake!! Everyone has things they love as a kid. Bugs or codes or whatever it is. Maybe he had someone laugh at him and he stopped doing it. But actively find out what he used to love and encourage him in it. That's part of your role as a partner. Help him get supplies. Maybe even get him into a class on it. It's incredibly important for his long-term happiness to find hobbies he enjoys. If he just eats and sleeps and has nothing he LIKES about life, that's going to affect the relationship he has with you - and the way he deals with life.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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