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Love will not always linger longest - With those who hold it in too clenched a fist. -- Alice Duer Miller



How can I rebuild our friendship soon



Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Hello romanceclass, I read this site alot, but I'm having trouble. This will be a very long story, I'm sorry but please help me with it..

There is this girl I like (duh hehe). I met her near the beginning of the school year (october). At first I would basically say hi to her everyday (I met her because I switched a class and ended up sitting next to her) and other then that I hardly said anything else to her. She would say "hi" back to me. When I look back on it I think I was extremely nervous, I sort of lost my voice when I knew that in a few minutes my class would end and I would be sitting in the next class next to her. I just tried to be nice.

I guess everything seemed to be going well. We basically got more and more friendly. I talked to her a little more often, but there was a guy that sat in front of her that she talked to more. They talked a lot and I would often times get jealous but never show or say anything about it. I did get more and more friendly with her however (we talked a little more and she in general seemed in a good happy mood).


The semester came to an end around january. For the finals, I went to a study group. It seemed to work, and so I began to think about a 'math' study group (math was the class that I shared with her) for the day before each test we had. At this time, I would basically say hi to her, and we'd exchange words for a few minutes before class starts. I also had my history class with her, but she sat across the room, so we never talked, but since math was after history, I would walk with her to math class during passing period. It was akward at first but my friend told me to just do it, walk with her to the next class. I did it and eventually it became normal to walk with her to the next class.

I don't know if this means anything but, sometimes when we walk to the math class, if she has something to do, she'd say something like "I need to go to the college center do you wanna come?" and I would say "sure" and we'd go to this building she'd do her thing then we'd continue to math class..

Also at the beginning of this semester the guy that sat in front of her dropped the class, so that was the end of that.

So we started to do math study groups every couple of weeks. It was me, her, and some other friends. There was one other guy (and he's very smart) but they didn't like his sometimes sarcastic ways of teasing our inability to understand the math like he did, so I was eventually able to eliminate him from the equation, and in every study group I was the only guy.

During the study groups, I of course listen and try to learn the math. Thats why everyone is there. But of course I would pay attention to the girl I like a lot too. For some reason my friends find me very funny, and I guess it paid off because in every study group there would be a lot of laughter involved (often instigated by me).

So during this time of going to study groups around february, she started getting more friendly. I remember in particular there was a stretch of days where she said 'hi' to me when I first say her in the day. This was a big change, because she never said hi first, it was always me. She also said my name, so she would enter class and when she gets to her seat say "hi donny!" with a very enthusiastic tone of voice. Also I would like to point out that we never touched each other. We talked a lot, I tease her, she laughs, everything seems fun, everythings going well. It never seemed right though to touch her. In all the advice I read, I simply hear "just start hugging her each day, then this, that, blah blah blah" but I just can't understand how I can start being more 'touchy'.

So then march comes along. In october, I asked her when her birthday was. She said "march". She didn't tell me the day, and I didn't ask her because I figured that she would know why I'm asking her for her birthday, and I guess she didn't want to tell me. But I knew it was in march. Then one day, on a wednesday, while were in class doing work, out of nowhere she looks up and says to me "my birthday's friday" and so I make some small talk like "ok so you'll be 17 right? blah blah blah" and thats pretty much how that ends. Basically what I end up doing is on friday (which is 2 days later of course) I bring a bag of caramels to school. I don't want to make a scene or anything, so I plan on giving them to her after class going to next class (when were 'alone').

So during class I talk to her and everything is normal. She never mentions anything about her birthday or anything, she acts like it's a perfectly normal day. After class however, I make my move. I think I said "happy birthday." and then she said stuff like "oh thank you I thought you forgot blah blah blah" and then I said "you can have these caramels" and I gave her the bag and she was like "thank you blah blah blah" and she in general seemed happy that I gave her the caramels.

About a week or 2 later I got her phone number from her. I dont' know if it was a good way of getting it though. Basically we were going to a study group, but she was going to give me a ride there (she has her license) and so she asked me for my cell number. After I told her I was like "whats yours?" and she gave me hers.


Around this point my friend kind of became my mentor for this because I'm not really good with girls. After maybe 2 weeks I began to get ready for the big day... when I first call her. It was a sunday afternoon. I called her and she said "hello?" and I said "hey what cha doin right now" and she said "I'm out with my boyfriend right now" and so I said "oh so this isn't a good time to talk" and she said "no ok bye" and that was that. I called her the next week and she picked up, but she was doing homework so we only talked for about 4 minutes. Next week I called there was no answer. She called me back however and she said she was busy doing homework (its junior year I can understand) but we did manage to talk for 20 (!) minutes. I called her the next week and she didn't pick up, then I called her about 20 minutes later and still no answer, and by then it was almost 9 so even if she say my calls she probably wouldn't call me back. And next day nothing came up about it.


The next day I called her again (so thats 2 days in a row) and I guess it was a foolish move by me. Then on wednesday of that week, my mentor (who talks to her in 1st period) said that she told him that he (me) calls her alot, and of course I realized how dumb I was. Around this time she started looking sad to me. I would say hi to her and use her name, and she would either say "hi" or she would flash a smile. When I talk to her she sounds disinterested and basically down. This happened for a couple of weeks. Then my mentor told me that in 1st period she said "I think donny likes me". He told me that he thought about saying "do you like him back?" but he didn't, so I can't change back time and find out. It seems like a down point in our relationship, she seems like she doesn't have any interest in me, like I bother her.


Then when I was at my friend's house (It was the friend, me, and my mentor) my mentor said that she said "he just sucks up to me now.. he was better when we did the study groups" and I was completely shocked. In our last study group, I was joking, teased her a little, etc the usual thing. At one point she did something ( I forget ) and I mocked her, and everybody started laughing (keep in mind its all girls so it's not like I'm making fun of her to put her down just in a playful way) and I was sitting next to her. While everybody was laughing loudly she turned to me and she whispered "fuck you!" and she had exclamation on her face. This freaked me about because:

1. she RARELY uses cuss words (and I never heard her say the f word)
2. she just said fuck you to me, I didn't know if she was serious or not

After that incident my idea was to 'play it safe'. I was just being nice to her and not really trying to make her laugh or anything risky that might offend her in some way.. I guess this was actually sucking up..

If your still with me romanceclass I realize now that I actually had a good thing going (around february) but it's not until after it all happened that I realized how good things were... my plan is to at least 'try' for her by the end of the schoolyear, which is in about 2 months. What can I do to fix our friendship, to get it back to a point where she was very comfortable and happy to see me, so that I can eventually reveal my feelings to her, and find out how she feels?




RomanceClass.com Advice
You sort of blew by the fact that she has a boyfriend.

And you are paying her a lot of attention to the point where she says to your friend that she thinks you like her.

It stands to reason that she would be uncomfortable with that situation. Girls try not to cheat on their boyfriends. You are getting close to making her be in that situation.

Keep being her friend and don't make so much fun of her... it seems to have upset her the last time. If she breaks up with her boyfriend then you might stand a chance with her. If you get a chance, ask her about her boyfriend... what grade he is in, does he play sports, etc. This will let her know that you respect the fact she has a b/f and you won't cause trouble.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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