I've Never Felt This Way Before, I'm Detrmined to Do Whatever It Takes
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I'm in very delicate situation. I started working at a movie theater a year ago, exactly one year ago. The second day I was working a new girl was introduced to us. When I saw her I thought she was attractive and no big deal. After a few days of working with her, though, I really began to fall for her. I'm probably the worst at flirting or meeting new people I've never kissed a girl or even had a girlfriend. But she had such a fun personality I felt as comfortable around her as I would any guy friend I have, but I shortly foundout that she had a boyfriend.
It didn't bother me much at all, I'm very used to having crushes on girls who are already taken. I just kept treating her like a friend. On shifts that we'd have alone I'd always talk. I soon found out that we share much of the same morals, both Christian, both abstinance until marriage. I know I'm shy, but after gtting to know someone I quickly start making a fool of myself. I'd always be able to make her laugh, very uncontrollably on some occasions.
I had to leave the job so I could return to college. I came back to work over my winter vacation and she mentioned that she still had a kind-of boyfriend, they were kind of on a break. One night she asked me if I wnted to get some ice cream with her and some other people after work, I jumped at the opportunity. However, and this is completey true, my breaks went out on my way after work, resulting in me not being there. One day shift later as I danced, as I usually do, to the credits at the end of movies, I had her laughing and she said I should go to some sort of dance with her, however she said it in such a way I couldn't tell if she was serious or joking, I said "sure" but nothing ever really came of it.
I got in contact with her two weeks ago, via myspace, to find out that she has a new boyfriend. For these past two weeks I've been very miserable. I've been losing sleep, maybe getting 4 1/2 to 5 hours a night, and haven't been eating. I've had many crushes, but I've never been as closeto one as I am with her. I've even cried numerous times these past weeks, and I have no memory of crying in the past decade, even at close friend's funerals. I've never felt at all like this before. I keep kicking myself for not pursuing the whole "dance" thing further. I just showed up at the theater today to get scheduled for this summer and saw her, somehow she's become more beautiful. We made some small talk before I had to leave.
She leaves for her first year of college this fall and I feel like I have to do something. I don't know whether I should tell her how I feel or not. But she seems happy, and if I tell her, I feel that it would complicate things and make them awkward, and I don't want to put her in that kind of situation. I feel that the right thing to do is to wait for her relationship with this other guy to end, but I don't know when and if that will happen. If she leaves for college still in the realtionship, I can communicate with her via MSN or AIM, until I find out that she doesn't have a boyfrind anymore. Yet I don't want to get left n the dust again, if another guy happens asks her out while she's there, and I'd like to talk to her personally to tell her. I'm a heavy believer in fate, and that if it's meant to be, then it will happen, but like I said I'm completely miserable and don't know what to do. Have I thought too far ahead in the future and just live for the moment? I just have this feeling that I should do something his summer before we have to part ways again. Sorry bout the lengthyness, I'm just really confused and needed to explain as much as possible.
I think you ought to tell her.
Tell her that you are "developing feelings" for her and that you know she has a boyfriend. Tell her you don't want to make her feel uncomfortable around you but that you couldn't hold it in any longer. Ask her to promise that you can still be friends.
She seems to like you a lot so things might work out better than you think.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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