Didn't want a relationship before, not sure now..
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Okay this is a rather long one. I am an 18 year old male who just recently started attending college last fall. So it turns out there was this girl that lives in the same hall as me at my college, but because she's so shy I didn't meet her until about a month into the semester when I went on a caving trip with my room mate and she was there too. So we were caving together and I got the feeling she kind of liked me, making several attempts to talk to me and even trying to help me through a tough section (I'm 6'7 and fairly skinny but it's still pretty hard to maneuver. She's 5'6 and in great shape, but there is that height difference that I think freaks her out.) She even sat across from me when we stopped for dinner and talked a bit. When we got back it was all good and from time to time we would sit out in the hallway with a group and chill out.
One night she asked me if I knew anyone who was joining this fraternity whose party she was going out to and I said No but if she wanted I would walk her and another girl there. So we went and I eventually joined the fraternity (so grateful to her for dragging me out there.) So we kept talking in the hallway from time to time and I eventually asked her to my fraternity's formal. It turned pretty bad because I think it was out of nowhere and it was also an overnight deal. She wasn't comfortable enough to share a room with me overnight since we didnt really know each other that well and I understand that, but there was a point where I get the feeling she was really upset, sending me messages about the position I put her in because her folks said she either needed her own room or she couldn't go with me. I managed to work it out and she even went shopping with me to find a shirt and tie to wear. Afterwards we went for Chinese and me being the gentleman I am, I paid for both our meals, which I think made her real nervous.We had a good time out on the riverboat, slow dancing and doing a little talking (it was awkward at times, because I wasn't comfortable dancing then and she would give me short answers to questions I was hoping would delve us deeper into conversations.) But overall it was a good weekend and she managed to stay in a room with two other girls. She then asked me to her sorority's date party and we went as War and Peace. We had a good time and eventually broke down and danced with her to some hip hop and stuff like that which involved a lot more bumping and grinding than I was used to, but it was fun and I started to feel more comfortable. After that though we didn't really talk much for a while and she started going with some of the other girls on the floor to another college nearby for parties and stuff. According to her room mate she never really opened up to anyone at the parties and she still goes home on a fairly regular basis because she lives only an hour away. So to try and forge something between us I broke down and accepted her open invitation to come down and hang out in her room before we went on a break and that's when I told her how I felt about her and asked her if she though there was something between us. Her only response was that she was sorry and she didn't really want a relationship at the moment, mentioning she was just looking to go out and experience stuff. So I let it be and just talked to her like I would a friend, even leaving her be over break.
We got back from break and I thought I had gotten over her, but I hadn't. It was uncanny how alike we were, the only real difference being I was a city boy with some country background and she was strictly country. So my interests in her were forged anew and because the people on the floor share classes, I go to lunch with her and three other girls every tuesday and thursday. I tried to play it off like there was nothing, but she started coming to me for science advice in a class I had aced last semester and we started talking again, this time she was putting a little more in than I was. My thinking was to make sure I knew we were still friends and that she hadn't freaked out, but then we went to another fraternity dinner of mine and even though that was boring for both of us, she went along with me and some of my brothers and their dates to see a scary movie later that night, even though she said she had given them up entirely. We didn't get really close at the movies, but I played the genuinely concerned gentleman and made sure she was alright every time I heard her scream in a scary part, even slouching down low in my seat just so she wasn't the only one hiding behind her legs at some point. During the ride back we had our first real amazing conversation discussing some of our childhood experiences and some of the weird quirks we had as children and some of the things you never get over or you can look back at and laugh now. So we went our separate ways to our rooms at about midnight, but I sent her a text making sure she was alright and she said she wasn't so she came down and watched a more calm movie, maybe even a little boring, during which we talked a little. She stuck around til about 3:30 in the morning and from then on things have looked promising, but I have been very hesitant about making a move, not wanting to freak her out. We still eat lunch and she is even attending my fraternity's Valentine's Day date party this weekend, opening up a lot more and I think flirting from time to time. I'm wondering if I should make a move again or just let things settle for a while until we have built up a good enough friendship to start a relationship from? I need help.
It seems like she is getting closer to you but still not ready.
My advice is to let the relationship grow some more before making a move.
You could tell her that whenever she feels ready for a relationship that you are still ready and willing.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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