His jealousy and little lies.
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am going through a break up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. These problems have been going on for about a year. He gets very jealous of everyone I have contact with, even my close girlfriends. He's admited he has a problem, and when things get bad, promises to try therapy and change, and tells me he does trust me and loves how much I get along with everybody. He's also been very disinterested in sex, and says it's because he is insecure and jealous. I've tried telling him that I reserve a part of myself for him, and by denying our intimacy, he's denying that part!
Recently he's admited that he pretty much lies to me about his interactions at work. He pretends he doesn't really talk to anyone of the opposite sex, but he works with mostly girls, and he's a bartender. I don't think he's cheating, but to me hiding interactions with people of the opposite sex on purpose is a form of cheating. He tells me it's because his previous girlfriend was so jealous, he couldn't tell her anything. I am the opposite. It's the things that go unsaid that make me jealous and worry.
The jealousy, lack of sex, and constant little lies have driven me to break up with him. It's just hard to know if I should still try with him. We went to a counselor about 4 times, and he lost interest. Now that we've broken up, he promises to go even by himself to deal with his jealousy.
I suppose if he really goes to therapy I would like to try again, but I'm wondering if all the little lies are a sign of something more I should be worried over. The constant fighting and lack of sex are really shaking my own self esteem at this point.
What do you think about this extreme jealousy, constant lying combination? Is this normal jealous behavior? Can I trust him?
Sorry you are in this situation.
He is a mixed up guy. Extreme jealousy is a killer of any relationship and very difficult to resolve without counseling. You should insist on this if you are going to give him another chance.
The lying is hard to understand. It seems to be a habit now and he can't break it. Another subject for counseling. And the lack of sex interest too.
If he goes to counseling seriously, there may be hope... otherwise, you are wise to be rid of him.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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