Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Male
i'm a teacher at a secondary school, and there's a pupil in one of my classes i think i might have feelings for.
every time she walks into my class, my stomach tightens up, and my heart starts getting faster. every time i help her, i get this feeling in my chest.... sort of an ache, but a good ache.
i know i shouldnt feel like this towards a pupil who is about 30 years younger, but i cant help it.
i'm married, and i love my wife, but i think i love this pupil too. every time i look at her i can't help wanting to be with her, and wanting to take care of her and thinking how beautiful she is.
i know fine well i cant act on things, but i just wanted to know how i could control my feelings and maybe get over them. i'm at the end of my tether here, it.s driving me mad. please help.
You are at the age when you want to feel young again.
And what better way than to fall in love with a young girl. Talk with your wife about this and ask for her help. Sharing your troubles is always good.
If you don't want to do that, or if she is unhelpful, consider seeing a counselor. Just don't keep it bottled up.
As you mentioned, the last thing you should do is to act on your feelings. Not only would it end in disaster as a relationship, but you would jeapordize your job and family. And there are potential criminal charges.
She probably senses your feelings about her, so don't make an extreme change in your behavior because that could trouble her even more. Slowly train yourself to avoid reacting to her, as difficult as that might be. This is where a counselor could help.
As you really care for her, put her feelings first in all of this.
Good luck! George
p.s. your feelings are not unusual in the teaching profession. If you have a very good teacher friend whom you trust, seek advice there too.
pps: although I said not to bottle this up, sometimes that is the best thing to do. Bottle it up and put a cap on it. She will be out of your class at some point.
-- from George
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