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The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.-- Victor Hugo

How do i make it stop hurting?

Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
Hi Im a college freshman, ive never had a girlfriend before, never kissed a girl before, and on the whole thats never bothered me, there were a few incidents in the past, where i came here.....but this...its not like anything ive ever felt.

I had aim conversations with this girl in my class from texas, literally all summer (i had no job so thats all i did). We like all the same stuff, have the same goals, and morals, and ive never met anyone like that before. Anyway we gained a mutual trust and she eventually confided in me something her fundamentalist parents had made her fairly uncomfortable with, she's bisexual. Now at the time i was like 'psshh thats cool, i like chicks too'.

Surprisingly the moment we got to campus, we instantly clicked and we've spent every single day together for the last 3 weeks or so, from morning to night. She's my best friend. So anyway a week ago she said that she is pursuing someone, and i....i dunno if it was logical, but i assumed it was me, since im quite literally the only person she hangs out with.

So after a few days of playing head games, i asked her if it was me, and she said no. I was like oh well. It ended up being this attractive lesbian girl. I thought it was kinda funny, but e because i thought she liked me, i admitted to something to myself that i didn't want to, that i liked her.

I told her the next day mostly cause it was conflicting me alot, and she is the only person i talk to about things. She told me she couldnt see me as anything but a friend, mostly cause she's so obsessive about getting this lesbian girl to notice her, and that although she's bi, she's like 95% into girls, and if she did end up with a guy he'd have to be really special.

On the one hand, i understand, cause i cant see anyone else but her romantically, and ive been supporting her through this, cause she's my best friend and i want her to be happy, even if its not with me.......but it hurts worse then anything ive ever felt.

I feel betrayed, cause im who she knows, and this other thing is completely superficial.....but i know i cant do anything, cause im a guy.....I UNDERSTAND that she likes female bodies more.

I just want to know how to stop the pain, cause i still spend all my time with her, and i cant stop just because she dent like me, she's my best friend and i dont want to treat her like a failed attempt. Id feel even worse about that.

RomanceClass.com Advice
You've only had a short time to come to grips with this. Give it more time and you will gradually stop hurting so much.

Ideally, you should share your hurt with her and perhaps she will have some ideas. Remember you are at college mostly to study so don't let this love problem interfere with that.

Fortunately for both of you, you are a very understanding and caring person. That will help you stop hurting because a lot of hurting comes from just not knowing what's going on or why.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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