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A Love Quote
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. --Jacques Maritain



We Fight All The Time



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I've been in the relationship for around 2 and a half months now and we both love each other, the only problem is that we cannot stop fighting. And it's not as much fighting as I keep getting mad at things that she does. Some of them are just insignificant but I still can't help getting mad over it.

Most of the time if we talk about something and I'm wrong and she would point this out, she would not stop talking about it. And this is what gets me mad. "The rubbing in part" She told me that her best friend wants her to break up with me, so now I'm avoiding her best friend, and today they hung out and when I saw her after I got mad, because she was with her best friend and I don't like her fiend. I felt neglected. And then she makes those sarcastic jokes that sometimes get me mad, and there is nothing I can do about it. I guess I'm just sensitive like this. It's very easy to hurt me. But the problem is I have never been is such a relationship before. I have never fought so much with a person!!!

What can I do to get over getting mad all the time??? Is there someting she needs to do. (We are COMPLETELY different people) I think I'm mostly the problem becuause I'm so sensitive to anything people say. What should I do? I definetely don't wanna lose this relationship!!!




RomanceClass.com Advice
I have lots of tips on handling arguments here -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/23684

If you both are completely different people then getting along is going to be a challenge. It's POSSIBLE but it is going to take a lot of hard work on both of your parts. So you need to realize that and start working at it, instead of just hoping that somehow you both will get along easily.

On one hand, you need to be tolerant of the way she is. She's been trained to be this way by her parents for many, many years and it might take some time to break her of bad habits. On the other hand, if she is being emotionally nasty to you - being sarcastic or harassing you - she needs to learn that this is not right. A lot of people have a mental image of a guy always being the one to harass a girl - but just as many girls harass their guys, and they can be far nastier about it than guys can be. It is NOT RIGHT for a girl to do this.

You say you can't help getting mad about some things - but obviously you can. We can all choose to get mad or not get mad about things in our lives. It all comes down to patience and tolerance. So make yourself a rule for this coming week. No matter what happens, you will not get mad. You will consider this "Her Week" where you are there to support, help and be nice to her.

If she starts rubbing something in, just say "I accept I was wrong, let's move on to something else." After 3 or 4 times she should get the point. If she makes a sarcastic joke, say "Sarcasm isn't very supportive" and go on to another topic. You need to be pleasant and supportive and caring this whole time to remind her that your relationship is supposed to be about people who care for and help each other out.

After a solid week of this, hopefully she will start to realize just how big a gulf there is between what is nice and what she has been doing, and it'll get your relationship on a more happy footing.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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