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In love, we worry more about the meaning of silences than the meaning of words. --Mason Cooley



Argument about Distance



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been dating this guy for about 6 months and its a long distance relationship. Over the past month I feel as if my bf has been progressively getting more distant. He used to at least text me every day and now I feel I barely hear from him. I know he has been extremely busy with work but even my text messages to him where responded with barely responsive responses.

I was trying not to be insecure but after a month of it I told him how I was feeling, that I felt he had been very distant and it was making me wonder things, and now we are in this argument about it. I was only telling him how I felt. I mean our relationship is long distance, I don't get to see him often so all we have is the phone and that was barely existing. What was I supposed to do?

To me it seems when a guy gets distant he's not interested any more or seeing someone else. So now its flipped on me that I don't trust him to think that he would be cheating and he's just so busy. I was just telling him how I was feeling. Am I in the wrong here?




RomanceClass.com Advice
Long distance relationships are very tricky and require dedicated attention to work. On one hand I agree that the hot-and-heavy attention of first courtship is always naturally going to fade. People who used to text each other every ten seconds will settle down to a few times a day. But if he isn't even doing that, then he's not doing anything to invest in this long distance relationship. As you said, there isn't much of a relationship is there isn't even any communication going on.

It would of course depend on how you brought up your feelings, but if you brought them up gently then absolutely that is what a relationship is all about. People are supposed to let each other know how they feel so the issue can be worked on. It wouldn't be much of a relationship if issues were allowed to fester and grow until a break-up happened! So there you were, trying to communicate with him about something important to you, and his reaction was to be hostile and upset. That's not very good.

It does sound like he's lost interest and isn't even willing to work on it. I would probably try one last time, but if he maintains this attitude, I'd probably realize that it wasn't meant to be and move on to find a guy who does deserve your time, attention, and affection.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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