A Manipulative Girlfriend
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Everyone in my family liked my girlfriend at first but as the relationship has continued, she has not only insulted my family by saying she doesn't like the way we spend money or I don't treat her as well as I treat my brother so I should either treat him differently (IE worse) or treat her as more of my family which she is not yet. All of my friends here at the university think I should break up with her as do my brother, sister-in-law (My girlfriends best friend from growing up) and my mother who calls my g/f a manipulative bitch. The problem comes whenever I try to break up with her, I never can because I feel as though I don't have a good enough reason to. I know I can easily be treated better but she is trying to change that (after we discussed) and she has made enormous improvements. Now the problem comes when she wants me to cut back smoking (which I know is healthy for me anyway) but I am not ready to. I don't want to. I can do it if I wanted to but if I don't, the relationship is over.
Manipulative is definitely the word for this woman. Nobody should *ever* tell someone that they have to be treated 'the best' in comparison with anybody else including family members. They can want to be treated in a certain way, but to say that their treatment should be better than your brother's treatment is definitely a bit high strung.
I agree that smoking isn't healthy, but on the other hand, when you date someone, you date ALL of them - the bad and good. Your aim in life isn't to "reshape" your partner into the person you want them to be. You can encourage them to eat healthy and to exercise and stop smoking. But to lay deadlines and say "you change or else" isn't being supportive - it's being controlling.
A true partner is your best friend that supports you and that you support. It isn't someone that tries to change you and complains about your family being treated too well. It sounds like you deserve much better in a girlfriend, and maybe now is the time to make yourself available for one.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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