I'm In Love with a Cheater
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My ex fiance has been cheating on his current girlfriend with me for about 2 months. I broke up with him almost 3 yrs ago, realizing I was too young and wanted to live my life as I was attending college. I ended up in another relationship for a year that ended a year ago, but seemed to be just someone there because I was not ready to get back with my ex, as he wanted to. My ex has been with his girlfriend, who is at the age that I was when I "wasn't ready", for about 8 months. I know I still want him and have been "waiting" for him by not being in any other relationships. There is just a gut feeling I have that we will someday get back together, but he claims he is currently confused.
He started cheating on his girlfriend about 2 months ago with me. I know that it's terrible for me to do, but there is so much feeling there and I feel like I do it to still be sure there is some feelings there from him since he won't tell me.
The girlfriend supposedly has no clue about this. If you knew the guy, you would say he would never be the type to cheat. I know he still loves me, but I don't want to force anything and I don't want to keep wasting much time. I know the girlfriend, we are on the same track team together. I am a grad student at school and she is just a soph. I just want to start my life all over with him and it hurts so much cause i have the feeling we will definitely get back together, but it's just the waiting that is killing me. If anyone has any words of advice, it would be greatly appreciated. It affects my whole lifestyle sometimes and I don't know what else to do.
RomanceClass.com Advice
People can justify all sorts of things by saying "it's love" but in the end love is about honor, trust and loyalty. If your boyfriend is cheating on someone for love, that isn't love. That is lust. If he WAS in love with you he would have broken up with his girlfriend, told her he loved you instead, and been with you. Instead he is lying to his girlfriend, treating you like a call girl and sneaking around with you. That's not what love is about.
If you want to be with him, then tell him that. And if he wants to be with you, he will. But if he says that it is better to cheat on his current girl rather than do this the respectful way, he is being selfish. Does his girlfriend deserve a cheating boyfriend? Do you deserve to be the "other woman"? Why are all these things going on just so he can have his cake and eat it too?
He's not confused, he's using both of you. He needs to make a decision of who he wants to be with, who he cares for enough to treat like a real girlfriend and not as a toy.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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