He's Got a Girl in Every Port
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am currently dating a guy that I have known for years. I met him when I was about 12 years old and we had a short but loveable relationship. He loved me very much and I loved him too. One day he broke up with me and I decided to move on. Shortly after he realized he had made a big mistake, he tryed to get back with me but i didn't want to anymore. I had move on and grew to dislike him.
He stayed around over the years, 10 to be exact, always there for me. I guess I took advantage of him because I knew he would do anything to be with me. We went on our separte ways he went on to find some one else as well as I. I was involved in a serious realationship with someone else but it came to an end about two years ago. It took me a while to get over it. About 7 months ago, he came over to tell me and my family he was leaving, because he is in the army. I don't know what came over me but I couldn't take losing him. I had to spend all the time I could with him. We became very close where we where technically living togther. I found out about girls who he was involved with and how they are trying to get back with him.
Before he left I asked him where we stood. He always answered that he cares for me and doesn't want to start a relationship while he is over seas. But his actions where as if we were and still are as if we are in a serious relationship. Even if he doesn't admit it. I stood by him until the day he left. I am still standing there waiting for him to return.
We keep in good contact. He e-mailes me, calls me, and mails me things. I found out that I am not the only girl he remains in contct with. He e-mails other people as well. Especially those who are very much in love with him. I confonted him about it and he made sure i wouldn't see those person's name on his sender's list. However he accidently e-mailed me something and the return address was of one of those gilrs whom I can't stand. I was very upset but I didn't tell him I was aware of it.
I know he loves me in some way but I don't know where we stand. I am not sure if he loves one of those other girls more than me. I wanted to know where do you think we stand and if I am wasting my time waiting for him?
The guy is in an extremely stressful situation where literally he could die any day. He isn't just out taking a vacation in a beach. He also doesn't know necessarily that you'll wait for him. The "Dear John" letter is a sad tradition for soldiers. So it would be taking a big risk on his part if he pinned all his hopes on you and then you deserted him for someone else local.
He never promised you a committed relationship. It's not like he's cheating on you. If you are there for him and understand and stand by him, he will remember that, when the other girls go on to more exciting things. If you want to stay by him, then make that choice and give him your full support. Whether that means you are a great friend, a great girlfriend or anything in between, you can be a support for him while he helps defend you and those around you.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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