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Break a vase, and the love that reassembles the fragments is stronger than that love which took its symmetry for granted when it was whole. -- Derek Walcott



I'm with one girl - but want to be with another



Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
My problem is complicated. In high school I was friends with a girl(1) who had a big crush on me. I was going to give her a chance but then I found out she was dating other people too, and I'm not the type of person to try to get together with someone who is dating anyone else so I told her I wasn't interested. A few years later I got a job and she also worked there. I didn't talk to her because I wasn't really interested.

I then met another girl(2) there who I thought was very attractive, intelligent, and we had alot of common interests. I was very interested in her but she had a boyfriend so I didn't pursue her. We were just good friends.

Then I started talking to the other girl(1) and we got together and had alot of fun. I've now been with her for almost 3 years. I do care about her alot, but I am not nearly as interested in her as I was when we first got together. We have fun sometimes, but we fight alot more. We all have different jobs now and suddenly the two of them became good friends.

Now though, the other girl(2) is single. Her and my girlfriend hang out sometimes now and I hang out with her(2) sometimes too. When me and the girl(2) talk or do anything we get along great. She is exactly the type of person I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. We have so much in common that I never find her boring and am always wishing she was around. I really don't know what to do. I want to tell the girl(2) how I feel because it really bothers me when she talks about other guys and asks if I have any friends that she could meet when I want to be that guy. I just don't know how she will react to it. If she wouldn't want to be friends anymore, it's unfortunate and not what I want, but I could deal with it. It's seeing her with loser guys that treat her like dirt all the time and knowing how good I would treat her that drives me crazy.

The other problem is my girlfriend. I don't want to hurt her but I know I'm going to. We live together and are both in college at different schools. We don't spend alot of time together anymore because of our schedules. I've just been hoping that she would find somebody else and leave me or get a job somewhere and have to move but it doesn't seem very likely to happen. I care about her so much, and I want her to be happy, but I want to be happy myself and she(1) doesn't make me as happy as I think the other girl(2) would make me.

It seems like there is no way everyone in this situation can come out with what they want, but even worse for me is it looks like I'm the one who is going to be unhappy. Any advice would be helpful, but it really looks like I'm going to lose everything and piss everyone off if I open my mouth either way about either problem. Thank you very much for reading all this, I'm sorry that it's so lengthy.




RomanceClass.com Advice
You aren't even spending time with your current girlfriend, and you fight. Surely she would be much more happy with someone else that 1) spent time with her and 2) didn't fight with her?

You can't go relationship hopping. If you are willing to do that, then what happens when you're with girl 2 and suddenly sexy girl 3 comes along? Do you ditch girl 2 to go chasing girl 3? The whole point of a relationship is that you focus solely on it. If you're already in a whirlwind about girl 2 when you're living with girl 1, you have failed at that.

Break up with girl 1. You obviously aren't paying attention to being her boyfriend. Get through that breakup. Then see where things stand.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com




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Don't jump too soon
tell her

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