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I'm Jealous and Insecure - Help!



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
First of all, I know I have a problem. I am very jealous and it is, like every other situation, no good. I promised my girl I would try to work it out, and thats what I have been doing for a year now, but it just doesnt work

We have been together for two years, been engaged for 1 year, lived together in our own house 1 year

atm. she doesnt have a job, and is by herself at home all day and I (hate myself for this) keep thinking of what she is doing. When I call and she doesnt answer the phone, I call the cell phone and ask why she doesnt pick up the other. She is always out with the dog and such, and I know this, I just have to ask. doesnt make me feel any less insecure tho

At the very beginning of our relationship I asked her about her "former life". And I did not like it all, but I guess it was my own fault for asking. She told me that she had cheated on a couple of boyfriends before, one of which she was engaged to. Now my problem is, knowing that she did that twice, how can I be sure she wont do it to me? I love her more than anything, and I would really like trusting her, cause otherwise were gonna crash and burn and I don't want that to happen if I can do anything about it

secondly, she have had lots of boyfriends and one nighters, she is the first girl I have ever been with (yes, we are the same age), and I would love to try some of the stuff she talks about. But she rarely wants sex, saying that its normal that the sex slows down when the relationship gets older, which I guess is right. Everytime she turns me down I get sad and dissapointed, but I leave it. Its just tearing me apart inside, cause I keep believing that I am not good enough (a thought that's beeing backed up by my lack of experience), and that she misses "good sex" or her former "wild life".

I know I have lots of issues, and I know most of them. I just have no idea of how to "get rid of them", and I would really like to, cause she is the love of my life




RomanceClass.com Advice
First, humans of all ages have all levels of sexual desire. There are really horny 70 year olds and really disinterested 20 year olds. Pretty much every relationship involves compromise. There is always one person who wants more and another who wants less. You can't take that as disappointment or lack of skill or anything else. It's just a normal part of life. If you really want more sex then at some point you have to ask yourself if you'd be better off with someone who matched you in that regard. It'd be like one person who liked to ski 10 miles a day, and another person who hated leaving the couch at all. You need to have some basic compatability in there to be content.

But let's say you can deal with the lack of sex. The jealousy issue HAS to be addressed before you can be in a healthy relationship. If you are always insecure, you will drive her away. If you've been trying for over a year and just can't do it on your own, then get help. Don't consider this a "silly thing". It's just as serious as any other problem that can strike a relationship. If you feel this relationship is worth saving, then it's time you put in the serious time to fix this issue.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com




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