He's Close but doesn't want to Date
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Okay here's my story... I have a friend that I met about three months ago, and we share a very close bond. We bonded almost immediately. He is a year older than I am but that doesn't seem to affect anything. He and I are constantly touching or hugging. He is a very nice guy and treats me wonderfully. When I'm around him he makes me feel special. We have the same intrests and a lot of the same hobbies. When he first sees me he gives me a hug and when he says goodbye he hugs me, infact there were a few times in the past when I thought he was going to kiss me. I never believed in soulmates until I met him.
There is only one problem.... he doesn't date or want to get married. He last dated three years ago. I don't know if he got his heart broken or what, he never told me and I never asked. Anyway... I really think we have something and I don't want to let it go by the by. I don't really know what to do though. He's somewhat shy but very gentle. I need to know how I should "reel him in" so to speak. Any other advice on this subject would also be helpful!
It does sound like you're great friends, which is excellent! That's the best way to start. And you're already hugging which is also great. You have the contact made. It does sound like something happened in his past to scare him off of dating because he thinks of it as 'dangerous'. You have to help him see that he's in a way already dating you, that a great relationship is really about being great friends that have contact. It's not 'scary' or different.
I would keep moving along the path of doing date-like things without calling it dating. For some reason that "Term" scares him. If you instead just keep *doing* it, soon he'll realize that he enjoys it, it's fun, and that just giving it a name really doesn't change that. So go to movies together, go to dinner together, have fun together as friends. Really you're dating, but again it's all in what you *call* it that bothers him, so don't call it that. Call it spending time together with a person you enjoy being with.
Then, after you've been 'not dating' for a few weeks, give him a kiss on the cheek when you hug him goodbye. He can't really complain about that! And make that part of your normal hug goodbye. When cheek-kissing is normal, do a friendly one on the mouth, and go from there.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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