I Left Him - Wanted Him Back - He Found Someone Else

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
ok... this guy i no very well like for 2yrs well we started goin out and well he had friends that i didnt really like but i hung out with em anyway just to be with him and well ...his group of friends turned to be a gang and well i didnt like it he was always with em ditchin me and stuff but it wasnt no big deal after i talked to him about it

well then this year started good and i liked him alot and then i started to fell like i didnt fit in anymore and i just sorta wanted to be friends then i asked him back out again and he said no (i didnt no that i would miss him this much) then he said no he gave me three reasons why he wouldnt go back out with me and then i talked to him on msn the next night and sorta talked him into goin back out we worked it out and got back together (in the middle of all this i was so dipressed i would hardly eat and my public profile was bad and everything i was even depressed at school i wouldnt cooperat for nothin) well after a month or so he started gettin a little eritated with me i think and a wk latter he dumped me i had found out that all his friends said he had planed to dump me for a WEEK!!!!

that hurt me so bad and then (3 wks earlier he was hangin on another gurl in this clik who was way more in to it than i was and not really hangin all over her but goin with her everyday after school for three wks and ditchin me not tellin me were he was when i called and broke plans with me ) and i find out aabout a month ago that he only wet back out with me because he though i was goin to kill myself(which i wasnt !!!) and then like 5 days ago he started a ton of crap around school sayin i was prude and sayin a ton of other stuff that hurt me bad then i asked him about it 2 days ago on the net and i also told him i thought he was cheatin on me with the other girl and that i wanted to straighten this all out and be friends he cussed at me and said "F it leave me alone and never talk to me again"

so i went to schiool the next day and like his other "gothic freaks" he died his hair black (his hair used to be blond!!!) and he still is sayin he hates me and wont talk to me i still really like him im afraid that the gurl is goin to ask him out and he'll say "YES" but i still really like him and im so glad that i found this site becasue maybe there is some hope left for me!!!

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RomanceClass.com Advice
The tough part about a relationship is that it will have ups and downs. The responsibility of a person in a couple is to weather those ups and downs and to work through the issues. If you just run off on your partner when things get rough or confusing, your partner is going to probably want someone more stable, that they can trust to stay with them.

So in this case, he was a person with friends. You came into his life and began to give him grief about his friends. So that was one tension. Then you abandoned him, which of course made him feel badly. Nobody likes to be abandoned, even if they try to hide the hurt. Then you turned around and said "well maybe I want you back again" and by then he had decided it wouldn't work and even had worked through the reasons why. But then you pressured him into taking you back, so now he felt like he was only taking you back into his life because of guilt. And it's not like during this time you were a content, happy person that he would want to be with - you were not settled at all with yourself and were expecting him to "make you better".

It seems pretty clear why this situation was directed towards a disastrous ending. That is not at all how a happy relationship would work. Undoubtedly this other girl actually does like his friends, likes him, is happy with herself, and things work well. That is what all relationships should be like, and it is what he wants for himself.

So if you really do want to renew a relationship with him, you need to start from the beginning again. Build a solid friendship based on reliability and trust. Also, try to learn to like his friends. A relationship where one person hates the friends of their lover is really difficult. If you can get that relationship working on a friendship level, then that is a great starting point. But if you can't even get a friendship going where you can be happy with yourself, happy with him being around and happy with his friends, then that's not a good sign that this was meant to be.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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