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Let your love be like the misty rains, coming softly, but flooding the river. --Malagasy Proverb

Should I stay or should I go?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
My ex-girlfriend dumped me, and then we got back together for a week, then there was a miscomunication and i thought we were still going out and then one day in the middle of the week she brings up that she's single and i got confused so we had a talk and then i found out that she needed to be without boyfriend for awhile and that she was really not wanting a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and that even though she loved me she felt like she was settleing and that there was a whole world out there and that since she never felt this way about any one else that she wasen't sure if it was because she felt safe with me or because she really loved me. this was about a month ago, and after that not even a week later was she flirting with other guys like she never loved me and since we're still friends i hang with her and she is always flirting with guys in front of me and i don't know if it's for some carzy mind game she's playing to mess with my head or if she's really over me. then two adays ago we had another talk and i was saying that i still love her and all the stuff and she was sayingthat she still loves me and that she just dosn't want to have a relashionship right now, and i don't know if i should wait for her or if i should just go out with someone i don't like and try to get over her, but then that presents a problem because i know i'll still love her. i know the only way i'll get over her is if i move or leave school and never talk to her again. I don't want to do that and she dosn't want me to leave and she says that i'm like her best friend and that she still loves me like a lover so i figure i'm going to just be like i was when we were going out. this consists of hugging cuddling and stuff like that should i do all thouse things? or should i give up and not wait for her to get over her thing, but then that always could mean that if she dosn't want to go out with me in the first place then she goes out and get's another boyfriend and i waited three months for no reaon. she worries about me to much and i know that if we're still invoved even in a friendship then nither of us are going to be happy with eachother in the same room. sorry about writing so much, the misspelling and the rants about nothing. thatnk you for your time. please tell me if i should wait or if i should forget her, please give me more that one choice. thank you again, and good day.

RomanceClass.com Advice
I certainly understand your problem. It happens to many people, myself included. I have even had the pleasure(?) of being on both sides of it. It is always a tough situation that really has no good solution. You could stay in it and then deal with the horrible up and downs that it gives you, or you could leave and feel pretty miserable until you get over it.

My recommendation is that you end the romance and simply stay friends. There is usually no good outcome to staying, and the pain of leaving will fade as you learn to make new and healthier relationships.

I know it's tough, and I know that the idea that really This Time it will work out! is very strong. But the odds are against it.

Good luck!

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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