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Love goes toward love as schoolboys from their books, But love from love, toward school with heavy looks. --Shakespeare

double standard and snooping

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I love my girlfriend with all of my heart, but sometimes my love is just clouded by my anger for the other guys that she talks to.

Recently things have been going so well. We use to get into fights very often, but we got over that together and now we're closer than ever. Our plan was to tell eachother when we were angry, instead of keeping it inside, and it's been working so well.

However, there's just one topic that i don't want to talk to her about. We've talked about it once but it hasn't really been solved.

I talk to other girls, I have many friends that are girls, even some best friends. But honestly, I don't love them like how i love my girlfriend. I just love them for being my friends, i'll also admit that it's easier to talk to girls than to boys. And i've explained this to my girlfriend, but she doesn't feel comfortable about the thought.

And even though I wish she could be comfortable with it, I can understand why she isnt. Because I'm not comfortable with her talking to other guys either. I really wish i could be.

Now there's this one guy, that emails her almost as much as i do, and she emails him back. And i feel really guilty about this part... i do read sum of the emails. Yes, very disloyal, but it was just too tempting. But the way he talks to her is soo wrong. He even asked her to prom once. He calls her by her short form name, and he tries to get her to call him. And my imagination is making me assume a whole bunch of different things, like what she emails him about. I've heard guys speak like him before, and they're intentions weren't too nice. It's getting me really angry.

I can't say anything to her, because i have friends that are girls too. Even though, i made her add all my friends that are girls to her MSN list, she still feels uncomfortable. Im not a player, but i don't email other girls everyday, or as much as i email her anyways. She keeps all of the emails from him. What am i suppost to think? And yes, i'll admit i feel very insecure.

All i want to do is love her, but I can't when she's so close to this guy. No one in my life is as important to me as she is, but i don't think that feeling is mutual between us. I mean, she keeps the emails from him. She keeps insisting that they are "bestfriends" also. Just like me and my best friends. But, i don't know. It's really breakin me to pieces. I don't know what to do. Please help me.

RomanceClass.com Advice
First off, you are on the right path to talk about when you get angry before you act on that anger.

In terms of both of your jealousy with friends of the opposite sex, just suck it up. No double stardars. You can't control her and she can't control you. All you can do is trust eachother.

If you do decide to trust eachother, then don't snoop around her email, purse, etc. It's none of your biz... and vice versa.

Just because you entrust someone with your heart does not mean that you own them nor they you. You are both still individuals. By respecting her individuality, you are respecting your own.

If she breaches your trust... end the relationship. She also has the right to do so. No double standards.

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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