I feel like such a fool!
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I dated this guy for a year and half and I thought we were so happy. I was totally in love and we talked about marriage. Then randomly he said he wasn't happy anymore and he was young and wanted to "sow his oats"... and that he loved me but, "he wasn't ready to sleep with only one person for the rest of his life"... i was totally devestated, and even more devestating was that he chose to tell me that he had been cheating on my throughout our whole relationship with random girls. Call me naive, but i honestly had no idea!!! It was so hard, but after a few months i was doing just fine without him. Then he shows up on my doorstep one night telling me how much he still loves me and even though he's slept with a lot of other girls since our break up that it's me he always thinks about. (you know, all of that crap that a bitter ex WANTS to hear, and the one dishing out the crap knows it.) So I did the stupidest thing someone in my situation could do. I took him back and we lived happily ever after for three more months. I once again thought everything was going great and that he had changed... but tonight, he came over and said he still wanted to be friends, but that this last weekend he slept with another random girl. I finally got some balls and kicked him out. I wouldn't let him see me cry or even know how much he has upset me. But I am so sad and angry inside. I feel like such a fool! I have become one of those girls that i make fun of! I am usually such a strong and self-assured person... but when i look at what i have allowed to happen i get so angry!!! Not even at him so much, as at myself. Please give me some advice on how to stop being so angry at myself, and make sure that i never let this jerk back in my life again. Also, why do i still love him... I mean i totally hate him right now, but this is someone I've shared 2 years of my life with and I still have feelings for him even though he is such a crappy guy!!! Am i even more nuts than i already think i am?
You weren't a fool, you were believing in someone who you loved. That's completely normal. That he's a jerk is something beyond your control. All you could do was trust in him, and he proved unworthy of your trust. You're not a fool for any of that!
It's great that you kicked him out. He sounds like he's someone who will never change and instead you would be miserable staying with him. It's wonderful that you had the insight to see that.
Of course you feel conflicted about it. You can't simply flip a switch and stop loving someone. You will always have feelings for him. Just let your mind remain in control so you don't take him back. But you can treasure the good times you had without falling for his tricks again.
You are also much more experienced and your next relationship will be better because you'll prescreen your next guy to make sure he's not like your ex. And you'll have a much more fulfilling relationship.
I wish you the best!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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