I believe my past has really determined my present relationship problems
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I believe my past has really determined my present relationship problems. As much as I may like a guy and start to have deep feelings for I find my body tensing and holding myself back. No matter how great things seem to get I can't trust him, its always well he hasn't called what is he doing, are their other girls? I get very insecure about myself and the relationship and it damages the relationship. A few years ago I had these dreams that were not making sense, in fact they seemed gross to me. I dreamed that my oldest brother while he was suppose to be babysitting me (I was a child in the dream, really am 23)was experimenting with me so to speak with his penis (we are 10 years a part. This dream haunted me for a while afraid to talk with anyone that I was this sinner I found the courage to talk with my Godmother and mother and go to find out it wasn't just a dream. When I was 6 he melested me for practically a year but I somehow blocked it out. Now I'm seeing this guy who I completely adore and I don't want to risk losing him because of my past. Should I tell him what happened to me, make him understand that this is the reason I'm still a virgin, why I become tense when we attempt to have sex, that I need reassurance that not another man I trust in my life let me down? I don't know what to do?
It is not unusual for people to block out traumatic emotions. And those emotions, untreated, will cause problems like you are having.
My advice is to see a counselor with experience in these matters and get some help.
Your idea of telling your boyfriend about what happened is a good one and should help you relax more.
Wishing you well!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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