TELL HIM NO
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Well, i've been going out with my boyfriend for about 2 weeks now, and he wants to go farther with me, but i feel violated and i wanna slow down, how can i tell him that?
This has got to be one of THE most important things you can EVER EVER do for yourself in a relationship. And that is to STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. I can't even begin to tell you how amazingly important this is.
First off, if he is your boyfriend his primary responsibility is to TAKE CARE of you, to respect you and to honor you. That's it. Everything else is secondary. When he asked you out, he was saying to you that he COULD be those things for you. If he is pushing you in ANY way he is violating that trust. Period, the end. You should NEVER feel pushed, never feel pressured. If you are feeling that way then HE is to blame. Period.
Boys think up all sorts of really stupid excuses to get sex and intimacy. They have been doing this for hundreds of years. You can read back through stories in any time period and read about the girl being pushed into doing things she doesn't want to do. This isn't anything new, and it is Not Good. The only person who will ever look out for your own interests is YOU. And if you don't stand up for yourself, you will be walked on and used. He won't "be happy" after you give in one time. It will just encourage him to push you more, because now he knows you are a doormat and that he can walk on you. In fact he may come to think of it as his "right" to use you however he wants to, because he's the Guy. Which is WRONG WRONG WRONG.
Stand up for yourself. You know what is right for you. He does NOT. So if he starts to do something you don't want, tell him. And if he gets petulant or whiney or pushy, then he is a BABY that doesn't deserve your respect. Either he grows up and learns how to treat you properly, or you should let him know that you're not interested in dating an infant. There are many, many men out there who would LOVE to be with you and who will appreciate that you are a woman worthy of respect. Believe me, in the long run, the women who let themselves be used are NOT the ones the guys want. The guys want the women who stand up for what they believe in, because that is a woman you can trust and rely on.
You are worthy of being treated well. You should NOT ever be pressured into doing something you don't want to do. If this boyfriend of yours is really not old enough to treat you well, give yourself time to find one who will. It is VERY VERY important and you are worth it.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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