The more I began talking to him and getting to know him, the more I started to like him
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
When I was 16 my bestfriend's exboyfriend (they dated like 3 years prior for maybe a year, but haven't had alot of contact since then) started to show some major interest in me. I liked him too, but I was in a 2 year relationship that was really good. The more I began talking to him and getting to know him, the more I started to like him. So one night I just stopped talking to him. I took him off of all my buddy lists and what not. Well, my boyfriend of the time and I recently split up. I was taking it really hard, and deicede one night to talk to him about it. I figured since he was older he'd understand a little bit better than I could. Well, when the news that I was single reached him, he asked if he could see me that following weekend. I was so happy! I asked my bestfriend to sit in with us, with her boyfriend, because I was a little shy and didn't really know what to say.
She said she would, and it was okay with him as well. He showed up before they did. In the little time I had alone with him I was instantly drawn to him, there wasn't anything to be worried about I soon found out. Well, a fight broke out between him and her, I guess issues weren't really over there, so he left early. The following weekend I was leaving for vacation for about a month and wouldn't get to see him on his birthday. So, when his birthday rolled around I made it a point to call him (long distance I might add) to make sure atleast someone told him happy birthday. He was turned 20. The following month I turned 17. We didn't spend anymore time together until after my birthday.
I made a joke to him about wanted a nice hot naked guy in my bed for my birthday. He took me seriously and the next time he came over things got more sexual. I explain to him how I wasn't up for having a "random" sexual relationship with him. He got kind of confused and asked me if this was "random" and I told him I wasn't sure and he was like "well it's not to". So, needless to say, we had sex.
Well, some issues arose about how he felt for me, and my age and what not. So I did some research and according to the state that I live in, I can have a consentual sexual relationship with anyone up to 4 years older than I am and the police or my parent's can't do anything about it. This seemed to relax him quite alot. He's a rather busy person who likes to spend alot of time with his friends, but he'd always find the time to hang out with me. One weekend my father was going out of town, so I asked if he'd like to spend the night with me. He did. He came over and we had a good time.
Before the invite to spend the night I asked him to kind of define our relationship because there had been some confusion perviously (this is the second time we've started things up again. The 1st time I didn't know we were "dating" and caused a little issue between he and I trying to figure out what was going on.). He didn't want to say we were dating because he was about to become very busy at work, having to work late nights and what not. So he said "lets call it just sex". Now I know what you're thinking. I'm 17 and I shouldn't be doing this kind of thing, well I'm going to, so that would be a waste of time for you to tell me that.
After he spent the night I got upset with him and called the whole deal off. We didn't talk for about a month, then out of the blue I said hello to him and we started talking again. I was inviting him to hang out with me and my friends the following weekend and he said he'd try and get time off. I made another joke one day about him "coming over and having some fun *WINK*". This seemed to confuse him alot. He asked me to explain what I mean and I told him I was kidding. Well, needless to say, we're back to "just sex".
My question (or questions rather) to you is, why does he keep coming back? Every time something happeneds and we get into a tuff he says he's "walking away" but he always seems to find his way back to me. He's told me over and over again that he doesn't like drama and doesn't spend time with people who cause it, and that he doesn't have friends that are girls. I'm really confused because of his "drama" remark. Isn't all this stuff that's going on drama? Shouldn't he be telling me to go away or something? I really like this guy, alot. But I just don't know what to do. I've been talking to alot of my guy friends about it and they're just as confused as I am. They seem to think he could possibly be afraid of how, either, strongly he feels for me or how much I seem to feel for him. He said something one time about how the "chemistry" isn't there drawing him to me, but isn't his constantly coming back "chemistry"? He's not a bad looking guy, and he gets hit on alot, and has many other oppertunities for sex with girls who look a lot better than I do, but he spends his days off with me, and has sex with me instead of someone else. I asked him why one time, and he told me that there was something that was drawing him to me but he didn't know what it was yet. After the 2nd time we had sex he informed me that I was the only girl who's ever been able to make him orgasim via vaginal sex. Maybe telling you that was too much, but I'm just so confused.
Do you think you could possibly offer any advice or help me clear up this whole mess I'm in?
Thank you for any help or advice you can offer.
The reason he keeps coming back to you is because sex with you is the best for him.
He's so busy he doesn't want a significant relationship but he has chosen you to be his choice of women... once again probably because of the sex.
He seems to be a bit immature and calls anything emotional "drama" and walks away from it. He should know by now that sometimes life is a drama.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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