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We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities. --Jacques Maritain



Talking to an Old Flame



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hello, I started this semester in school and things where going fine. I was checking out the young ladies to see which one I want to talk to. Then about the second week I see this girl I used to be with. At first I didn't know who see was. But then me and this one friend were talking and he said "Isn't that that girl you used to be with" when she passed by and I Said yea since then when I see her I feel like a little kid trying for the first time to talk to a girl.
Well any way my question to you is what would be the proper way to talk to her. Since I don't know if she still might look down on me (long story).
When she passes by she doesn't even look at me.




RomanceClass.com Advice
Well, if you didn't recognize her, maybe she doesn't recognize you at all! People change a LARGE amount during school years. Also, just as you are very different from the person you were when you dated, she is also very different. So it could be that the things you really liked about her (or things that you were annoyed at) are completely different now.

Every human likes to be thought of in a nice way. So the fact that you have positive memories of her and want to talk to her again will be very flattering to her. Also, seeing a person you shared past memories with is usually very nice when you're in a strange place, even if those memories aren't perfect.

So find a quiet spot to talk to her in. You don't want her to go through her whole "Oh it's YOU!" thoughts in the middle of an audience. This should be something private. So find an out of the way spot where it's quiet, and then walk up to her there and say, "I'm so happy to see a familiar face here! I'm XXXXX, remember me?" That way you start right off letting her know you are really happy to see her. And by telling her your name, you give her a hint in case she doesn't recognize you right off. That always makes people uncomfortable, trying to guess who someone is. So you've made her feel good in 2 ways at once - that you're happy to see her and that she's not madly guessing who you might be.

Then tell her something about yourself, like "I'm now studying to be a YYYY" to emphasize that you're not the little kid you were when she last knew you - you're a much older, more experienced person. And that will open her mind to learning more about the new you.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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