I first want to say that I'm not even sure what I'm writing will make sense or have any relevance to the topic of stress due to the state of mind I'm in at this moment. I'm stressed out and I think I'm doing it partly to myself. I get real bad tension headaches from my stress. At first I thought I was getting migraines since my dad gets them, but mines strictly tension headaches... and sometimes they're chronic.
I've been sort of dealing with a dilemma. My roommate has asked me to move with him to Arkansas (we live in MS) once he graduates college. He's getting a job as a web developer with Dilliards corporate office. He said if I went and interviewed with them this coming February, I could definitely get a job with the same company. Now I'm also in information technology. I work for a company in the same town as I graduated college from. I do a lot of break-and-fix and new installations. Its a great job. Its a great opportunity to further my career. I do love what I'm doing. The only downside to this company that I'm with is that we're an outsourcing firm, which means we have a lot of different businesses with different networking infrastructures and different needs. It does get stressful at times. I have had to stay late nights at work. Its fine because I love what I'm doing.
Here's the dilemma I'm faced with. My roommate is probably right that I do have a good chance in getting on with Dilliards, but I doubt I'd be doing what I'm doing now. I fear that I may get stuck writing software, which I do NOT want to do. From what I've researched, thats really the only positions they're offering at Dilliards. One the other hand, I do have some good people... friends that are going to Arkansas. Probably the only ones I have in this town.
Heres the other side: In the town I'm in currently, I've only been with this company for 10 months. And the stuff I'm getting to do is what I love and want to do for the rest of my life. But I'm living in a small town with a huge university. I have a lot of issues fitting in with people. Ever since I started going to this college, I didn't make really any friends... and I certainly didn't start any relationships. I went on a few dates, but nothing ever got started. The bottom line is that I'm lonely here. But I have a great career starting with the company I'm with. I have very few friends (all of them male). I can't find any female friends. I've tried... I've really tried. Even with some of the ladies I work with. I look at Arkansas at being filled with better social opportunity for me, but then I risk going to a job that I'm not happy with. I stay here and I'm not happy because I'm lonely.
I'm not asking for advice on what decision I should make. I know that I have more options than that. I could look for a different place to work in Arkansas or just go and get the heck out of here. Basically, I just stress out so much about being lonely that its partly the cause of my tension headaches. I consider a big part of my personality to be hopelessly romantic. I'm the guy that would leave a rose and a note attached to the windshield. But I feel like that part of me is slowly dying every other day I wake up. It drives me crazy just thinking about it and I know its adding to the stress from my dilemma, work, and everything else.
I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore or what I was aiming at or what my point was. I just know I'm either delusional or so stressed I can't think straight. All I know is that I wish I had someone here that I could rest my head upon.
You may only be one person to the world
But you may also be the world to one person.