Now there's a girl that I've posted about before on her. As of now I've been totally infatuated by her and I really want to be with her. Now I told her about a year and a half ago I liked her but she didn't like me so I let it drop. A couple months ago I told her again but she still wasn't interested and this time I asked her if we could at least talk as friends. That went ok for a little while until I made the stupid choice of sending her a message saying that I was fine with the fact that she didn't like me but I was still going to chase after her. She was furious about that and the more I tried to apologize the worse I made it until she pretty much hated me. Now a couple days later she came up to me in choir and told me that i had to stop it but I wasn't sure what she was referring to. She was talking about something else that she blamed me for that I had no idea about. It was only a logical connection for her. I defended myself saying that it wasn't me and she just got upset but I didn't let the conversation carry on.She eventually I found considered me a stalker which hurt me very much because i never realized I was that far. Now a couple months later I'm totally miserable. I have two classes with her choir and math. Now I never look her in the eyes and she generally just doesn't talk to me but she does to be polite when I ask the teacher a question and she is able to answer it for me.
Just being around her gives me this bittersweet feeling knowing that she is still alive which makes me happy but at the same time it kills me inside knowing that I think that I will never have another chance with her. This hurts me so much that I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and am on meds for that but even now it still kills me inside.I want nothing more to make her happy which I believe at the moment by keeping my distance. I can't keep doing this because it will eventually kill me. I have liked other girls but the longing for her has overwhelmed any feelings for any girls that I have had and now has ruined my relationship with my best friend. I want to be with her but I just don't know if I can. Please if you can help this pitiful 15 year old boy in high school. I know you says its in high school and that I'll get over it but I have tried so hard for 2 and half years to and for a short time it worked but it failed for me in the end. People say I'm the nicest sweetest guy and yes I am good looking according to other girls that are not my friends. So why can't she see me for who I am and not just the mistakes I've made?
