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#167703 - 04/09/07 04:24 AM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: PDM]
Coco's Mama Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 11/18/06
Posts: 7842
Loc: Ontario, Canada
That sounds like a plan! Get everything out in the open, once that is done you will know where you stand, and it will stop eating away at you.
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#167709 - 04/09/07 04:47 AM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: Coco's Mama]
Stephanie sweet keets Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 03/05/06
Posts: 1970
Loc: Virginia
Yeah I agree. You should try what Coco's Mama said.
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#167894 - 04/09/07 05:40 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: Carl]
abcdx Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 12
Loc: UK
Hello again...

Ok...
"Why you thought and still think that you have no chance to tell her how you really feel". [Carl]

Well, firstly, I'm all the way over here and she's all the way over there. Also, I wouldn't even know where to start. And even if I did tell her online, there wouldn't be much point since I'm not close enough to even see her, let alone meet up with her. And also, I don't have any plans to go back there in the next couple of weeks or months too.

Apart from that... I also have a really strong feeling that she's about to start a new relationship with someone new (who probably helped her during her breakup with her last bf).
... and as Carl said "it is considered poor form to "hit" on someone who is in a relationship".. which I really don't want to do. Because.. if I do blurt out everything. The chances of me "winning" over the other guy is quite slim because he's over there and I'm all the way over here. Apart from the chances of loosing her friendship/her turning cold on me, she will probably feel bad too, which I really don't want (the her feeling bad part).
"Did/do you feel you had/have no chance to speak of your feelings because of the past bf/present bf?"... I guess that's a yes too. I wouldn't want someone to try and come in between my g/f (if I had one) and I so I certainly wouldn't do or say anything to jeopadise someone elses relationship.

At first, everyone was saying to forget about her but now... to tell her how I feel. So I'm a bit confused on what to do now. (But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate everyone's input + support though).

I guess I can think of two things that could do...

1. I could wait for a bit longer and try and find out if she definetly has someone new. (And if she does), end it all by writing a "confession" email to tell her how I feel and then say "goodbye". (Probably have to drink a few pints of beer first though, even if I'm not a drinker).

Or

2. I could just bite my teeth and live with the fact that I'll never be more than a friend to her. Act as though nothings wrong, talk to her as normal and maybe, just maybe, someone up there will really give me the chance with her.

I know most of you are probably thinking, what don't I just tell her?? Well, if wasn't the fact that I'm really far away from her and that I don't know what she's doing or who she's seeing, I really don't want to jump the gun and say something at the wrong time, if you know what I mean.

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#167929 - 04/09/07 07:32 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: abcdx]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
I can understand your confusion.

But advice to the lovelorn is necessarily based on a one-sided view of what is happening. The intuition that CM had that she probably knew just how you felt, even with you not openly declaring yourself, was what probably suggested the first advice of forgetting about her.

The addendum you mentioned of her saying she was sorry, and you acting as if you did not know what she meant added another fact.

Perhaps she felt drawn to you, also, but felt disloyal to the relationship she already was in.

The phrase, "all's fair in love..." can cover a lot of bad, but there is an important truth with in the meaning.

Only the one involved can know the depth and intensity and permancence of the love that you feel. Yes, love must sometimes remain unrequited. But many times it remains that way because one or both fears rejection or worse - to be mocked or humiliated.

Yes, it would probably have been better to speak to her of your feelings while you were there, or when you had more immediate plans to be back in the area.

Yet, you have spoken many times via the computer. I still think my suggestion of what to say to her would break the ice.

I don't think she would laugh at you, or turn cold toward you. You should know her well enough to know whether she would do that. Perhaps the worst that could happen would be that she would confess that she only sees you as a friend, and would prefer to keep your relationship on the platonic friendship level.

Only you can decide if you want your love to be returned and have a chance to grow.

Relationships have become successful that started from a distance.

Other saying goes something like this: "Faint heart never won the fair maiden." "Better to have loved and lost than never to have known love."

I'm cheering you on. And we would commiserate with you if the answer brings sadness.

_________________________
Marge is the love of my life.

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#167974 - 04/09/07 09:04 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: Carl]
victor Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 01/19/06
Posts: 1347
well i think you've got to do one or the other - either is OK with me - but of course I'm not the one pining away for her.
If you think there is a chance in hell that she is interested in you - just tell her now before she gets too involved with BF#2. they can't be that involved yet -... and how many guys helped her through the breakup anyways??

If you think there really is no chance in hell that things will work - then just move on.

The in between status will give you an ulcer!
The whole timing thing IMHO is a myth - if love is meant to be it will be - and you aren't going to ruin things by your timing of telling her.

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#167982 - 04/09/07 09:24 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: victor]
Coco's Mama Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 11/18/06
Posts: 7842
Loc: Ontario, Canada
I must say if you cant' forget her and move on as Victor states so well "will give you an ulcer" and no girl is worth that except for Me!!! lol (trying to be funny in light of the heavy topic).

I am getting confused by all the vacillating really . I am a 30 cough something single gal so this is what I think if it helps. (Disclaimer: but this is not how we all think)) All i got is my own opinion.

I can tell you if I have a b/f , or am just dating someone or single, it doesn't matter who is "pining" if I don't know.

If I have a serious b/f , regardless of being told by "the piner" his feelings no matter how flattered, I would have to let them know there is no chance since i am seriously involved.

If i was casually dating someone (new perhaps) and the "piner" told me, i could have some choices to make.
First does the "piner" interest me?
If not again like above tell them the truth.

Secondly if i was interested , I could:
1. State I am dating someone new but we could also go out casually or
2. Decide I am more interested in the "piner" than the current casual date, and make that known.

So I don't think it matters who or where she is at she isn't married if you really still want to , need to tell her. Do it. Anyone else in the picture isn't really your concern you are just being honest and the ball is in her court at that point.

You kinda have to drop the whole thing and forget it or toss the ball out into the court, or get an ulcer.
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#168005 - 04/09/07 09:58 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: Coco's Mama]
Bird Crazy103 Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 12/28/06
Posts: 1607
Loc: Over The Rainbow,Illinois
just stating my opinion.. i would tell her. like everybody says..she could have more interest in you.
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#168022 - 04/09/07 10:35 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: Bird Crazy103]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Tell her; there's no points in saying, I would, but ...
Just do it.

You can tell her via the Internet and see what she says ~ you have conducted much of your friendship that way, anyway.

Get to know her or move on.
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#168523 - 04/11/07 01:26 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: Carl]
abcdx Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 12
Loc: UK
Hello again everyone.

Thanks for all your comments.

I've been really thinking hard about what you've all told me and a part of me says to do what everyone says... to tell her, but then, the other part says (like what Victor said) that... "I don't have a chance in hell".

You see... I haven't been talking to her much because she doesn't come online that often anymore. She told me that she's quite busy at work and feels a bit tied to sit at the computer. Now last week, I had a chat with her and I asked her if she got home late and she told me "yes"... because there was a lot of traffic. So I asked her if she drove home? (She doesn't usually drive). And she told me that someone picked her up.
And on Saturday. I had a chat with her again and she told me that she went to the seaside with someone (I guess just the 2 of them). I asked her if that someone was someone new. And she replied with a knodding emoticon. Then I asked her if he was someone "special" and... well... she kind of replied with a "shy" emoticon. >_<

So... what do you all thing of my chances now??? -____-"

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#168695 - 04/11/07 11:37 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: abcdx]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
So what are you going to do?

Either decide to move on or tell her ~ those are your choices.

What are her choices?

She can't really make one about you, because she doesn't know how you feel.

Once she knows, she can ponder ~ and make a decision.

You may or may not be lucky with her; you may have to settle for just friends, but wouldn't you rather know?

Wouldn't you like to know how she feels & either become part of her life or get the chance to find a proper girlfriend?
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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