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#168743 - 04/12/07 01:01 AM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: PDM]
Coco's Mama Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 11/18/06
Posts: 7842
Loc: Ontario, Canada
ABCDX

It doesn't matter what she is doing until you tell her clearly you are bothered by this and wil be you have looked at it from every angle even wrong way up.

Stop trying to figure it out I mean heck,what are you using ESP? Ask her and ye shall know all.

I do realize it is harder than it sounds, but at this point wouldn't you rather know Victor stated "you have no chance in hell" he also said "you will give yourself an ulcer" . I think you have a better chance of some ulcer like symptoms at this point.

You really just need to get it over with. So you can be free of this head game to a: move on with her anew or b: just move on.
_________________________

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#170325 - 04/16/07 12:00 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: Coco's Mama]
abcdx Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 12
Loc: UK
Hello again,

Because of all your opinions/advice over these few weeks, I have thought about my situation long and hard and I have even tried to tell myself everyday that "she's not the one", "it's not meant to be" and things like that. But everyday when I wake up in the mornings, my heart starts beating really fast and hard (literally), which is actually meking me quite tied. Now, I have had this condition (3-4 years) before otherwise I probably would have thought about going to see a doctor by now.

Anyway, I've thought that the only way for me to get out of this situation I'm in at the moment is, like what all of you have said... to tell her. So, I've started to build up the "courage" to tell her... even though I feel/know that my chances with her is now really small.
Now it's a funny thing about life sometimes (for me anyway). When I had a "small" chance to tell her, I didn't think/want to tell her, but when I've built up the courage to tell her, I can't!
She hasn't been online for the past week. I haven't talked to her since Monday.
At the moment, it's like a new years/bank holiday over there, so she's probably spending more time with "him" over these past few days. (I know Coco Mama... it's not quite ESP but it really does feel like that, I guess).
As I said before, it's like someone's playing games with me.

Now... I'm thinking, the next time I do get to talk to her/ get a chance to tell her (whenever that may be)... I'll probably have second thoughts about saying something or I'm going to chicken-out or something. -_-"
You see... I don't even know how to start telling her. I mean... it is like telling her out of the blue, if you know what I mean.
I guess, I know that if I tell her then everything between us will probably not be the same again, and I don't know if this "heart condition" of mine is going to get better if I do tell her?

Just wanted to tell you what my current situation is and what I'm going through at the moment. (Especially everyone kind enough to give me their opinions/comments. Thanks)
_________________________
"The Past, was just a Dream. The Future is, what is Hope. But the Present is, what is Reality."

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#170508 - 04/16/07 11:47 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: abcdx]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
Good news: You're not the first to have the panic. It is true that nowadays, females can and do pursue the ones they are interested in getting to know better and perhaps mate with.

But for much of the times past, one survival skill of the male was - did he have the courage to pursue his heart's and/or body's desires?

I had said no more, figuring that this was one call you had to make yourself. If you could walk away unannounced, then perhaps you really did not love her.

But if you feel you must take the chance, there might well be something to it. As to how, think creatively.

And of what events will happen next, they may not follow the straight line that you can even envision. Most romances have surprises. They will provide a good story for your grandchildren (or good training for whomever wins out to be your life mate), or at the very least, you can always know that you gave your love a chance.
_________________________
Marge is the love of my life.

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#170509 - 04/16/07 11:47 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: abcdx]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Would you rather live in dreamland?

'Whenever I want you all I have to do is dream of you'

Is that how you want it to be?

Maybe it is. Ask yourself. Be honest.

Do you want to get to know this girl?

Or do you want to remain in love with the imaginary image that you have made up around her?

You said yourself that 'she is like the girl of my dreams'.

But she is not a dream girl; she is real.

If you want to know the real her, and she's not online, send her a letter or an e-mail.

If you are content to continue to love this 'dream girl' ~ then do so.


Consider carefully ~ what do you really want?

A dream girl who is all yours?

A real girl, who is going to make a choice between you and someone else?
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#170652 - 04/17/07 07:51 AM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: Carl]
abcdx Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 12
Loc: UK
Hello everyone.

I told her.

I told her how I felt about her. But I think I made my situation worst. I was hoping that when I told her then I would feel better/releaved... but it's not what I had expected.

I asked her first if she went out [with her "b/f"] (it's a bank holiday over there) and she said "yes". And I asked her if he was definetly her b/f now and the answer was "Yes"... and she told me that she wasn't going out with him because she was lonely or anything. I asked her if she really liked him and she said "hmm" as in "yes" again. frown

So... I just held my breath and just told her. And well... I guess she was a bit shocked because she said she didn't know what to say at first. She said that she was sorry. She told me that she always felt good about me... and after telling her how I really felt about her, she said that she saw that I had a lot of girls who already liked me, so she was afraid to think that I would like her.
But (I told her that) in fact, it may have been true that a few girls did like me, but I never felt anything for any girl... except for her.
She could only say that she was sorry. But I guess it's understandable for her not to know what to say.

Now,... wasn't I supposed to feel better or releaved by telling her??? I mean... I would probably be feeling much better if she said something like... "Sorry, but I've only thought of you as a friend".

I really got the feeling that if I had told her before or if I was still there when her old b/f broke up with her... I could have had a really good chance. But I didn't and I wasn't there!
...It's like someone's playing games with me again!

I really feel like...-_-"...
Can someone hit me over the head with a sledge hammer.. or better still.. run me over with a double decker bus... -_-"

I guess that's another sad end to a chapter in my love life.

.. but again, thanks for the comments and advice. I really appreciate it.

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#170653 - 04/17/07 08:52 AM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: abcdx]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
I think that you did the right thing. She now has time to consider ~ and maybe to re-assess her feelings about you.

As I said, once you got into this you would have to accept the reality of a girl who might want you ~ or who might choose someone else.

At the moment she is with someone else, so, of course that doesn't make you happy. Eventually she might choose you ~ or she may not. If she doesn't choose you, at least you will have tried & you can accept the truth and find the right girl for you.

Unrequited love is bitter sweet. Pining for someone who may or may not return your feelings, but who doesn't even know how you feel, is not helpful long-term.

Good luck.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#170686 - 04/17/07 02:51 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: PDM]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
I, also, think you did the right thing.

As for it being better had you told her earlier, all of us have probably looked back and in hindsight observed that we "should" have done something, or "shouldn't" have. Science fiction aside, can't be done.

But you learn and go on. And there could be benefits that you'll see later that would not have been evident then (or even now).

Love has a way of feeling both awful and wonderful in the "courtship" stages. Bet you feel more alive, though!

Another thing. Romance novels abound with forks in the road of love because of not communicating or of miscommunicating.

No matter what your age, I believe you are seeing that it is better to be honest and open in sharing your feelings with someone you are wanting to know better.

Nobody would open up all aspects of themselves with another immediately, but you can be honest in what you do share, and look for a return from the other person. That type of relationship tends to be more real, I think, than one where both may have a false or wishful view of the other.

Good luck, from me, as well. I'd say that it may not be as over as you are feeling right now.
_________________________
Marge is the love of my life.

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#170748 - 04/17/07 06:58 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: Carl]
victor Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 01/19/06
Posts: 1347
Sorry to hear that she is not interested at the moment but you DEFINITELY did the right thing.
Otherwise you could have gone on indefinitely wondering how she felt and wondering if you should pursue her, or if she was "the one".

This part of the deal hurts and can make you sick - but you will look back and be glad this page is turned.
My suggestion is to close the chapter and move on. But I would not go and ask out every pretty girl you see or try to convince yourself of a new love interest. I would start doing things that interest you - whether it is exercise or taking an art class or joining a book club - pick something that you like that you can immerse yourself in. I can't say you will necessarily meet "the one" that way, but you will find joy in what you are doing, and you might make a friend or two along the way. I say that good things happen to people when they are doing what makes them happy, and people always seem more attractive when they are happy and self condifent. So close the book and open a new one.
You are young and you will be fine.

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#170750 - 04/17/07 07:02 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: victor]
Coco's Mama Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 11/18/06
Posts: 7842
Loc: Ontario, Canada
I agree with Victor, , no more wondering, just get busy with stuff and it will get easier. Next thing you know you will meet someone new.
_________________________

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#170829 - 04/17/07 09:32 PM Re: Can't get her out of my head [Re: Carl]
abcdx Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 12
Loc: UK
Thanks for you replies/comments everyone.

> "Bet you feel more alive, though!" ... Carl, I wish I could say that I feel more alive... which I thought I would feel after telling her.... but I don't. I felt/feel worst. -_-"

This morning when I came online, I saw here online too. I think she was at work (because everyone's suppose to go back to work today and because she had "Working" up as a name for a bit). But I've never see her online when she's at work because she doesn't go on MSN Messenger. She says that it's not good to chat when at work. If not then today she might have stayed at home today and was online (for quite a while)? Well, what I'm trying to get at is that, I didn't talk to her and she didn't talk to me too... I don't know what to say or how I should talk to her and I guess she probably feels the same way (at the moment?) too.
This makes me feel even worst/awkward than before. I don't know how or when we'll be able to talk normally again... or if we'll ever get back to normal talking terms like how we use to talk.
Someone please tell me that this is a normal thing or that I'm jumping the gun.

Sometimes I think and tell myself that I should just drop it and, I think it works... until when I wake up in the morning and my heart starts thumping and everything starts all over again.

I wish she should have just told me that she only thought of me as a friend. That way I wouldn't have got the impression that I was too late in telling her and I wouldn't be in this different "what if" loop hole. -___-"

I'm thinking of writing her an email to tell her my feelings, why I had to tell her and then tell her not to worry about it and goodluck or something like that. Maybe to break the ice and not make her think too much? I don't want her to think/stress too much... umm... what do you guys/gals think?

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