RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up I Cheated

I know I won't get support and do not deserve it. But I cheated on my long term bf in a moment of weakness. And it was with someone he's friends with. I never cheated before and am totally not like this. Been with him three years and never even thought about cheating. I was just weak one time. Does he deserve to know? He would certainly break up with me. Or is there any I can forget about it, pretend it didnt happen and treat it like a one time thing and a learning experience.

There were some extenuating circumstances. We had gotten into a pretty big fight, I was feeling vulnerable and the guy seduced me. None of that makes it right. I still feel like a scanc. It was just a bad combination of things that led to it.

Hello Zyger1500

There are two opinions on this sort of thing ~

1. Always be honest; tell him; hope he forgives you.

2. Why upset him; it was a once-only thing & you won't do it againm, so best forget it ever happened ~ for his sake as well as yours.

What is right for you two, I don't know.

Could you keep this to yourself?
Could the friend keep it to himself?
Could anyone else find out & tell your boyfriend?

I always tend to think that honesty is the best policy, but I know that, in circumstances like these, others might disagree.

Sorry not to be able to help any more than that.

And yes, it was the wrong thing to do, but remember, nobody's perfect.

First off your not engaged or married so I don't think it's as bad.
Second unless your pretty sure he is going to find out from either the other person or someone else I would say forget it and move on.
Third if you think he is going to find out then it would be better coming from you and hope he will stay with you if that's what you want.

I think I'm in the clear, if I can keep my mouth shut. The guy keeps begging me not to say anything. So I think it's safe with him. I just wonder if I owe him the truth. I wonder if I deserve to be in a relationship with him. It's going to be difficult to look him in the face. I haven't seen him yet. Been playing sick. Have to face him tomorrow though.

You need to tell him. He'll find out eventually anyway & it will only make it worse later. The sooner you tell him the better. Make sure you talk about all of the reasons why it happened. He may need to learn to trust you again, but that's just a consequence you'll have to take. Sorry if it's not what you want to hear.

I can't help but think that you may be right.

Welcome to the forum, sep780.

Personally I would want the truth from you not anyone else. It is going to be worse in the long run if he hears it from another party. If it is from you he may be able to get through it. If I heard that my bf/husband had cheated by someone else I would be so much madder.

tell him the truth it's better then getting married to him and having kids with him totally unaware of what his friend and gf did.

Yet, I have heard that this is a selfish path ~ it gets the guilt off one's chest, but upsets the other person unnecessarily.

Some interesting articles:
http://www.helium.com/tm/350196/people-video-other-words

This kind of thing is too big to have secret in a relationship. It's something you need to talk to him about and try to get over. This kind of thing is not something that stays a secret either. Even little things get around, and people you hardly even know may even know what happened by now. It's best to for him to hear it from you, because chances are he'll eventually hear it from somebody else. But he does deserve to know, it's not fair to him if he doesn't. He should also know so that he can re-evaluate his friendship with the other person.

If your honest and up-front with him you can work through things. Perhaps you can even offer to go to counsiling with him. But whatever you do don't play the blame game, take responsibility for what you did wrong.

I can almost guarantee that your b/f will want the truth from you. Tell him. Why keep it from him? To not hurt him? You have already done that. It's just that he doesn't know you have. And THAT is what's deceitful. Honesty is never the wrong thing to do. And I don't know why anyone would recommend that. This is your b/f's friend. Of course he will find out. If not from either of you two, from someone else whom you least expect. And I can guarantee that one of the first things he will say is, "Why didn't you tell me?" Speaking from personal experience, the LIE will hurt worse than the truth because it's coming from someone he trusts.

I would say that you need to tell him. If you guys are strong enough then you would be able to make it thru it as a couple. My now huband cheated on me and i on him but we were strong and we worked on our ralationship and made it thru.

That's a positive and heartening message, missir16

This is just what I would do, so take it the way you want.

If my boyfriend cheated on me, I would break up with him, no second chances. However, as ticked off as I would be if I did find out, I would rather know, than stay in a relationship that in which I had been cheated on and never find out.

The thing is, your boyfriend deserves to know. It will undoubtably upset him but it his RIGHT to know, and then decide what to do about it.

And cheating on your boyfriend is an awful thing to do. It is probably the worst mistake in a relationship, and there is NO excuse for it. However, making this mistake does not make you a skank, or a bad person at all. It does make you human. Because like PDM said, all people make mistakes. Making these mistakes make you human. Just learn from mistakes.