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#285793 - 04/29/08 09:04 PM I'm not sure what to say to her
Stephanie sweet keets Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 03/05/06
Posts: 1970
Loc: Virginia
[font:comic sans ms]One of my friend keep telling me this. I really want to comfort her and cheer her up. I'm not even sure how or what to say/do to help her through this. Any advice?[/font]

When she MSN me about the news:
" as you may know, I'm officially engaged.
well.. This all went down on Sunday, and today, I decided to tell my family. (something.. I've been avoiding)

I told my brothers (we are triplets) they said: Jamie. thats stupid.. big mistake. your only 18..
HELLO! one of my brothers is getting MARRIED this summer.
I don't want to hear that [censored]..

then I grew a pair.. and told my step-dad:
he said..
"Wow. I've never been more dissapointed in you in my life. You've hit a new low sweetheart"

sweet stuff."
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#285966 - 04/30/08 12:18 PM Re: I'm not sure what to say to her [Re: Stephanie sweet keets]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Well, I think that it's sad that her family were critical, without offering advice.

I think that 18 is a bit young to be thinking of marriage, but it can work out.

I would suggest, if I were her mother, that she holds off as far as an official engagement is concerned, for a while longer ~ maybe until 21, because even that is young ~ and see if she feels the same way then.

You know what they say ~ marry in haste, repent at leisure. Your friend is young, there is plenty of time to settle down a little later.

However, if she is determined to marry, then the best everyone can do is to give her support and make her big day special and memorable ~ in the best possible way.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#286200 - 04/30/08 09:54 PM Re: I'm not sure what to say to her [Re: PDM]
Stephanie sweet keets Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 03/05/06
Posts: 1970
Loc: Virginia
[font:comic sans ms]She has a child who is 4 years old. Maybe her boyfriend can help watch her girl and raise a family?[/font]
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#286861 - 05/02/08 08:01 PM Re: I'm not sure what to say to her [Re: Stephanie sweet keets]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Maybe.
And if he is happy to accept her child, then this is a positive thing.

I still think that 18 is rather young, but I think that supportive advice, rather than negative criticism, is the best way to go.
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#286876 - 05/02/08 08:13 PM Re: I'm not sure what to say to her [Re: PDM]
Aruba's-mom
Unregistered


If her family is that critical of her, she may be getting married to escape an unhappy home life. She may also be looking for a daddy for her child or feel that because she already has a child, few guys are going to want to saddle themselves with a pre made family. Sounds like a lot of reasons to rush into marriage.

She should spend some time really thinking about all of that and as her supportive friend, not critical like her family, you should talk to her about just being sure she wants to marry because she truly loves this guy and not to escape home or simply to secure a family for her child.

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#287016 - 05/03/08 08:19 AM Re: I'm not sure what to say to her [Re: ]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Good points, Aruba's-mom!
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#287501 - 05/04/08 03:49 PM Re: I'm not sure what to say to her [Re: PDM]
Faith says hi Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 06/14/07
Posts: 1554
Aruba's-mom, I also think you made some very good points.

I would add, that unless there are urgent reasons to marry soon, she and her fiance should consider taking it slow. If a couple has the kind of relationship that will build a good marriage, there is no need to rush, because neither of them is going to leave.

And if there is danger that one of them will walk out on the other one if they don't hurry up and marry, then a marriage certificate is no guarantee that they won't split soon anyhow.

I'm curious about the family's reaction that she is too young, when her same-age brother is getting married even sooner. Do they mean that, or is there a chance that they just think she's chosen the wrong kind of man but they don't want to say so straight out?

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#289397 - 05/08/08 11:35 AM Re: I'm not sure what to say to her [Re: Faith says hi]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Yes, Faith, I hadn't picked up on that.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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