RomanceClass Forum Logo

all ads on this forum support charities
Forum Areas
Non-Romance Relationships
Does He/She Like Me?
Dating
Long Term Partners
Breaking Up
Health and Exercise
Organizing and Cleaning
Stress Reduction

This Ad Supports Charity
Support Our Friends
The Child Health Site
Topic Options
#292377 - 05/17/08 06:03 AM How do I tell him?
Ritsuka Tommy Offline
Companion

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 126
Hi there everyone. Yeah. it's me again ^^!

I'm going to cut a long story short. DJ and I have been going out for three months and I've come to a conclusion that things have been moving way to fast between us. How do I tell him that I would like us to slow down?

____________________________________


Just another thing... I've been tempted to start cutting myself again and my boyfriend threatened to end our relationship if I don't seek help and stop it. I don't want to lose him but I don't know if I'm able to resist the temptation to hurt myself...
_________________________
"My name is my law"

Top

Add How do I tell him? to Twitter Add How do I tell him? to Facebook Add How do I tell him? to MySpace Add How do I tell him? to Del.icio.us Digg How do I tell him? Add How do I tell him? to Yahoo My Web Add How do I tell him? to Google Bookmarks Add How do I tell him? to Stumbleupon Add How do I tell him? to Reddit
#292379 - 05/17/08 07:10 AM Re: How do I tell him? [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Raven

Please just step back and think. Emotions are running high with you just now.

You have said that this boy respects you ~ so, if you have decided to slow things down, he should understand. You say that he always checks that you are happy with what is happening, so you should be able to trust him with this. The only time you would need to worry is if he became angry about it, or tried to force you to do something. I underastand that he doesn't behave like this.

Have a long, quiet chat with him about things.

You also need to ask yourself why you want to cut yourself.
If you have a boyfriend who cares for you and respects you, this is good. He cares enough for you not to want you to do this. And I'm guessing that your father would be very concerned, too.

I think you said before that you have spoken to a school counsellor or something ~ have another chat with him / her. And have a chat with your doctor.

Don't think about trying to resist temptation ~ that is always hard. Get people who care for you on your side, giving you support, and then think of good things that you can do ~ with boyfriend, or friends, or family. Remember, we're all on your side.

You are still very young. Life should be carefree for you. Go swimming or bowling or to the beach or to the library for a study session. Wherever you go, though, make sure that you are safe ~ in a group is probably best.

Take care of yourself. You are a good person. Don't be hard on yourself.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

Top

Add Re: How do I tell him? to Twitter Add Re: How do I tell him? to Facebook Add Re: How do I tell him? to MySpace Add Re: How do I tell him? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: How do I tell him? Add Re: How do I tell him? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: How do I tell him? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: How do I tell him? to Stumbleupon Add Re: How do I tell him? to Reddit
#292643 - 05/18/08 01:54 PM Re: How do I tell him? [Re: PDM]
Dagny Offline
Regular

Registered: 03/27/08
Posts: 64
Is it going fast physically or emotionally? Either way I agree with PDM about telling him...because my bf is going fast emotionally. Everyone thinks he is pressuring me into marrying him, which he isn't but its mostly what he talks about...I think he has planned our entire life so far (the wedding, children and so on).
I just suggest slowing down because I just worry (for myself and you as well) that once I get that idea in my mind that we are getting married (especially this soon) that I will take it to heart and he will dump me and that will really hurt me...
Also physically going fast...(I'm not there yet so I can't really say but these are my fears) that I'll either regret doing physical things or that they will totally change the relationship. Oh and also pregnancy, diseases and other things if things get too physical...
I hope everything works out for you though:)

Top

Add Re: How do I tell him? to Twitter Add Re: How do I tell him? to Facebook Add Re: How do I tell him? to MySpace Add Re: How do I tell him? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: How do I tell him? Add Re: How do I tell him? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: How do I tell him? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: How do I tell him? to Stumbleupon Add Re: How do I tell him? to Reddit
#292892 - 05/19/08 01:30 AM Re: How do I tell him? [Re: Dagny]
lwhuntley4 Offline
Friend

Registered: 09/02/07
Posts: 234
Loc: Georgia
they are right raven. Alot of guys do this with out relizing. then they are those who do go quickly just because they want to do. i have to becareful as well. Sure i do wanna get married one day and raise a family, but it can wait. The important thing is that is the man and the woman in the relationship can stay together with trust in each other. Without that. there is nothing. Love is gentle and powerful, trust is a strong bond to potect the love between each other. As powerful and stong those two things are they easliy be broken if not careful. This si something both you and your bf need to understand. You may know better cause your the one who's being affected by it. Raven the last thing i would ever want to hear is that he broke your heart.
_________________________
Lee Willam Huntley IV
DJ Jah Man
Love one another, and God

Top

Add Re: How do I tell him? to Twitter Add Re: How do I tell him? to Facebook Add Re: How do I tell him? to MySpace Add Re: How do I tell him? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: How do I tell him? Add Re: How do I tell him? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: How do I tell him? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: How do I tell him? to Stumbleupon Add Re: How do I tell him? to Reddit
#292895 - 05/19/08 01:48 AM Re: How do I tell him? [Re: lwhuntley4]
suzzie Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 03/30/08
Posts: 612
Loc: oklahoma
raven you may feek the need to cut your self becasue of the stress you have right now with your boyfriend or just your life...but allways remeber this is just how things are now,,,not later...if something is going bad right now,,in a yr, month,a week things can change so fast..when you feel stressed,, and yes i know even when your young you can still get very stressed..and your way to ease the stress is to cut, im no doctor. and i think talking to one well help..if anything to ease the stress, in the mean time try and find someting to take the place of cuting..when your upset try calling a friend and start laughing about something stupid you thought of that day...or try taking a walk, and look around ...listen to the birds sing..the trees move..or even just take a bath,,(thats where i go to de stress)...but i would have to agree with your boy friend, you need to atleast think of the idea of talking to some one about this....


on the moving to fast thing...im sure you mean physically, and if so..never do anythig your not ready for...i know its easyer said then done, and it well be hard to exsplain that to him..just tell him your not ready for anything more then what you have now..and that you well let him know when you are..im sure he well be ok with this...and if its not about the physically..and more on marrige and all that..just exsplain that your happy where your at and you dont want to change that right now, he sounds like he really cares so this well not be a problem..even if he gets up set at first,,as long as you exsplain your feels he well be ok with it in the end...i really hope all go's well..and keep us up dated k....

Top

Add Re: How do I tell him? to Twitter Add Re: How do I tell him? to Facebook Add Re: How do I tell him? to MySpace Add Re: How do I tell him? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: How do I tell him? Add Re: How do I tell him? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: How do I tell him? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: How do I tell him? to Stumbleupon Add Re: How do I tell him? to Reddit
#292903 - 05/19/08 03:57 AM Re: How do I tell him? [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Yes Raven
I am concerned at your words.

You sound confused, but I believe that you are sensible, intelligent and decent young woman.

And your boyfriend sounds as if he really cares.

Only you ~ and he ~ can decide how this relationship will go, but slowing things down a little ~ if that is what you decide to do ~ is taking control and making a positive decision.

Talk it over. As you are underage and he could get into trouble if things were to go too far, I'm sure that he will agree, especially as he has always said that he will respect your judgement in these matters.

Cutting is what people may perhaps do if they feel out of control, I would guess. I don't really know. This thought must be frightening for your boyfriend. Can you talk to your father about it?

You are growing up ~ maturing into someone who is in control of her life and her future. Be positive.

I cannot tell you what to do; I can only give you some personal thoughts and reflections on what you have posted, but please don't do anything negative or see this as a negative situation.

Be the successful and confident young woman you can be. And get help if and when you need it, as soon a you need it.

Do take care! smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

Top

Add Re: How do I tell him? to Twitter Add Re: How do I tell him? to Facebook Add Re: How do I tell him? to MySpace Add Re: How do I tell him? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: How do I tell him? Add Re: How do I tell him? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: How do I tell him? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: How do I tell him? to Stumbleupon Add Re: How do I tell him? to Reddit
#292980 - 05/19/08 05:08 PM Re: How do I tell him? [Re: PDM]
Dagny Offline
Regular

Registered: 03/27/08
Posts: 64
Also I must admit that I know very little about cutting, but one of my bff in high school cut (she might have been depressed as well) and from what I read in teen books is that cutting causes a biological reaction that sends chemicals into your system. For example in older days if you were fighting...a bear...and that bear scratched you, chemicals would go off in your brain and cause your body to try to heal that cut and help you get energy and stuff to survive against stuff (like a bear).
So I think why people cut is that the wound is not physical these days but emotional, so cutting helps their body heal themselves but its really not healthy.
Definitely talk to a counselor about this but are there any things you can replace this with? Like not only helping yourself at an emotional level, but find ways that make you feel good or 'healed' like participating in things you already like to do. Maybe running or working out (whatever things you like there) or perhaps doing art or writing poems and expressing your emotions that way...
Hang in there though! You've got so many things to look forward to, and life gets better after high school (at least it did for me) and you don't want to miss those times!!:)

Top

Add Re: How do I tell him? to Twitter Add Re: How do I tell him? to Facebook Add Re: How do I tell him? to MySpace Add Re: How do I tell him? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: How do I tell him? Add Re: How do I tell him? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: How do I tell him? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: How do I tell him? to Stumbleupon Add Re: How do I tell him? to Reddit
#293256 - 05/20/08 11:29 PM Re: How do I tell him? [Re: Dagny]
The_Zookeeper Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 06/14/07
Posts: 5997
Loc: Rochester, Michigan
it's the endorphins, that's definitely a reason I've heard before, Dagny.
there are so many ways I've heard people justify cutting, but in the end, no matter WHY you do it, it IS a problem, and you NEED to seek help for it. Psychologists are there for a reason. please take advantage of your resources (school counselors, even) and get help to turn things around. a supporting person that you can just talk to can mean the world.
_________________________

www.skgeckos.com

Top

Add Re: How do I tell him? to Twitter Add Re: How do I tell him? to Facebook Add Re: How do I tell him? to MySpace Add Re: How do I tell him? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: How do I tell him? Add Re: How do I tell him? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: How do I tell him? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: How do I tell him? to Stumbleupon Add Re: How do I tell him? to Reddit
#293266 - 05/21/08 12:29 AM Re: How do I tell him? [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
joandboys Offline
Soulmate

Registered: 08/26/07
Posts: 2101
Loc: New York
You have gotten such good advice from everyone. It sounds like you can trust your own feeling also, and they are telling you that you feel like you need to slow down. Haveing the support of people close to you will help you figure out how to take control and to feel in control. I don't know much about the cutting but maybe it keeps you from thinking about things when you feel pressured or when you don't feel in control. A counselor might be able to help you sort it all out. Your boyfriend seem to care, that is why he is telling you these things. You have a whole wonderful, exciting, young life to live. Stress and responsibilities and pressure to do anything will come soon enough. Try to learn to be kind to yourself and take life a little slower and lighter and I am sure your boyfriend will be the first to understand.
_________________________

Cookie and Sweetie

Top

Add Re: How do I tell him? to Twitter Add Re: How do I tell him? to Facebook Add Re: How do I tell him? to MySpace Add Re: How do I tell him? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: How do I tell him? Add Re: How do I tell him? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: How do I tell him? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: How do I tell him? to Stumbleupon Add Re: How do I tell him? to Reddit


Moderator:  Lisa Shea 

Want to reply? Register as a Forum Member - it's quick, free and fun!
Latest Posts
Daily Meditation - 10pm EST
by Lisa Shea
09/19/14 06:05 PM
Daily Yoga
by Lisa Shea
09/12/14 10:40 AM
BellaOnline Ebook Award
by Lisa Shea
09/09/14 01:16 PM
Aquarian Awakening - a Sci-Fi Romance
by Lisa Shea
09/06/14 08:50 AM
Flirting for Girls book
by Lisa Shea
09/04/14 06:48 PM
Go a Day Without Complaining
by Lisa Shea
08/24/14 07:23 AM
Forum Guidelines
This forum takes web safety issues very seriously. Please make sure you have read and understood our Forum Guidelines before posting.
Support Charity
Support Our Friends
The Animal Rescue Site

origami wedding favors