RomanceClass Forum Logo

all ads on this forum support charities
Forum Areas
Non-Romance Relationships
Does He/She Like Me?
Dating
Long Term Partners
Breaking Up
Health and Exercise
Organizing and Cleaning
Stress Reduction

This Ad Supports Charity
Support Our Friends
The Child Health Site
Page 2 of 5 < 1 2 3 4 5 >
Topic Options
#300625 - 06/12/08 12:07 AM Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? [Re: Dagny]
KoKo Offline
Friend

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 204
that is ok to over analyze and to worry. That means you are being cautious and playing it safe. However, do not let playing safe keep you from love. I had to go through broken hearts b4 I found my husband. So if he turns out to be the right one great, if he does not, you will find the right one if you really want to in time.

Top

Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Twitter Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Facebook Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to MySpace Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Stumbleupon Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Reddit
#300634 - 06/12/08 02:56 AM Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? [Re: Dagny]
joandboys Offline
Soulmate

Registered: 08/26/07
Posts: 2101
Loc: New York
The whole point of dateing is to get to know all kinds of people and personalities and experience different relationships. If this is your first boyfriend then it doesn't matter what he is doing wrong or right. It is about what you are doing. You would be making a life altering decision based on partial information. You don't really know what kind of personality is compatible with yours. Every relationship requires sacrifice and committment and work. A relationship should not require sacrificing your individuality and should not feel like you are committing too much of your time to it. Additionally if you have to work on a relationship it should not feel like a chore. My honest opinion is that I hear you saying almost 85% negative things about this relationship. I hear you saying you feel it is too one sided emotionally. I hear you expressing self doubt brought on by his criticism. I hear you comparing your ability to show affection to his and assuming you are somehow lacking. I hear you recognizing the major diffenences in several aspects of your personalities. I believe your friend thinks he is in love with you but perhaps he is more in love with the idea of being in love. You sound very level headed and sensible. There is nothing wrong with letting your brain guide your heart. Everything I hear you say tells me that your friend is letting his heart guide his brain. It sounds like you are emotionally more mature than he is and this gap may only widen as you both grow older and your emotional interests change. They say that women are about five to seven years older emotionally than a man her same age. By the age of twenty one, a women's desires in a potential mate change. You will not be attracted on a physical or emotional level to the same person at 18 as you will be at 21 or as you will be at 27 or 35. If you pick someone who does not have the experience to know how to treat a women as she desires, you may come to regret it. After all, you are still learning what those desires are. If you ever have the pleasure of meeting a man who has mastered this, you will forever regret making a hasty decision. There is a big difference between a man and a boy and it is not always years. I believe you know in your heart what to do, listen to your instincts they sound very good to me.
_________________________

Cookie and Sweetie

Top

Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Twitter Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Facebook Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to MySpace Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Stumbleupon Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Reddit
#300646 - 06/12/08 04:50 AM Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? [Re: joandboys]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Yes, Jo, I have found it difficult to respond to this one.

I feel, Dagny, that you may be over-analyzing, instead of just enjoying your relationship, but, as Jo implies, the reason that you are over-analyzing might be because something isn't quite right.

I met my husband when I was 18. Our first date was in January 1975. We are still happily together. I tend to over-analyze a lot, myself, but I just knew that we were right for each other. My friend got married just after us and she said that as soon as she met her husband she felt that she had known him forever. That's how I felt, too.

The thing is, without knowing you & him & the relationship, it's difficult to say, but I do wonder if he might be a bit possessive, if he wants your attention all the time. Long-term this could change as he becomes less besotted and more realistic, but, alternatively, it could become a real problem.

Everyone has good and bad days. Everyone can be harsh if they are going through a rough time.

You say:

Quote:
he's been a bit more harsh
he sometimes criticizes me ... boring, and so on
he says things that hurt me
he thinks I might be bipolar
he also doesn't like me being grumpy

So what is his problem?
He's explained that saying things he doesn't mean is a habit of his
it really upsets me at times
I sometimes feel like I say sorry and the pattern of behavior is repeated!


Since you are analyzing anyway, think about these questions:

Is he 'harsh' or is he 'mushy'?

Is he just being a normal person who has good days & bad days, or is this going beyond what you consider acceptable?

Why are you apologising when he is being harsh?
Or is it a two-way thing?

Does he expect you to respond to him as he wants you to, and only as he wants you to ~ or do you expect him to respond to you as you want him to, and only as you want him to?

How might he describe you & the relationship.

Quote:
Is this normal in a relationship or is he just a bad boyfriend?

If you need to ask this sort of question, I'm not sure that you are ready for embarking on a life-long settled relationship like marriage.

In my opinion, if you even think that he might be 'bad', you shouldn't be making commitments to him. He may be fantastic or he may not, but you don't sound ready for this. However, that is just my opinion, and it may just be a case of nerves on your behalf. If you could calm down, stop reading about love. and just get on with living your own life & loving your own man, then all may be well.

Quote:
I know that I don't it when he gets harsh either so I might be hypocritical there...

Please could you explain this?

You say:
Quote:
I'm in a very confusing relationship

Loving relationships should not be confusing.
May I suggest relationship counselling.

Something isn't quite right here, Dagny. I'm not sure if it concerns him or you, but I think that you need help ~ otherwise you wouldn't be seeking help on this forum and in books.

In my opinion, looking for answers in books isn't the best way in this situation. I'm not against books. I'm not saying that you shouldn't read up on this, but I do think that you need more 'real' input.

Good luck! smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

Top

Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Twitter Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Facebook Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to MySpace Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Stumbleupon Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Reddit
#300673 - 06/12/08 09:53 AM Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? [Re: PDM]
Dagny Offline
Regular

Registered: 03/27/08
Posts: 64
I know what you are saying Jo, in my honest opinion I do think I might be more mature than he is. For example he is more of a goof off and I am more serious most of the time. But I know he has a very deep emotional side under the goof off side. Also part of what attracted me to him was his humor so...
And sometimes I think part of the time we argue when he does say harsh things it might be just him being childish (is that possible?) like he is upset and doesn't know how to handle those feelings..Possessive...lol I spent the day with him and then he called me that night and nearly talked to me all night. At least I know alot more about him in a short span than if we didn't talk all the time:P lol but yeah...I'm not sure why he insists on talking to me all of the time. I jump to a negative conclusion, he's controlling me or something (which I don't think he does but...) then I told my mom about that and she did think his calling was excessive but she pointed out that she thinks that talking to me makes him happy
he is mushy alot but at times he is harsh...like in pointing out criticism and stuff. In one case I told him a story and he said that would not be a good story for a first date, he doesn't like that I smell like cigarette smoke when I see him and things like that. I sort of take things personally so it upsets me, we both do apologize and by the end he says he will take the blame and it's his fault. I also don't want to hinder him not telling me about problems but these sometimes upset me (do you think I take it too personally or should just use it to improve?).
I don't know how he expects me to respond to him but sometimes I wish he did things that he doesn't do, but he does a bunch of things for me already so I don't mind at all.
How would we describe the relationship...
he once told me it was his best relationship ever and that he lost interest in his previous ones but in this one he has had so much fun...its been the best time of his life. I have to admit I've had fun too, and while we have had so many problems and issues they have only seemed to make us stronger and bring us closer.
I don't know why I have doubts, cold feet or whatever you will...it might just be me. When we first got together I couldn't believe it. I started to think it was a joke, dream or something like he had a mental disease that made him hit on me (lol sometimes I think I'm paranoid and not Bipolar, as he had suggested) but once I realized it was true then I relaxed a little but now I guess I'm looking for proof that its not true or he's not a good boyfriend and so on.
Maybe I will try to stop over analyzing things, it seems that its possible that it's a bad relationship but it might also be me looking for problems where there aren't any?

Top

Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Twitter Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Facebook Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to MySpace Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Stumbleupon Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Reddit
#300834 - 06/12/08 05:17 PM Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? [Re: Dagny]
KoKo Offline
Friend

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 204
I agree with Jo and Blue Soul, that is really great advice.

Top

Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Twitter Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Facebook Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to MySpace Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Stumbleupon Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Reddit
#300837 - 06/12/08 05:22 PM Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? [Re: KoKo]
KoKo Offline
Friend

Registered: 09/03/07
Posts: 204
Like I said before, it is good for him to be honest. Being honest is the best thing he can do, like telling you he does not like it that you smell like smoke. I have told that to my husband since the day I met him because I have asthma and the smoke really bothers my health.
However, there are small habits that my husband does that I just bite my tongue. If I told him every habit that bothered me, I feel I would sound critical and negative. I just tell him only about the really important things.
So once again, it is ok for him to be honest, but not to be critical. He has to accept you for you.


Edited by KoKo (06/12/08 05:24 PM)

Top

Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Twitter Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Facebook Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to MySpace Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Stumbleupon Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Reddit
#300858 - 06/12/08 05:56 PM Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? [Re: Dagny]
joandboys Offline
Soulmate

Registered: 08/26/07
Posts: 2101
Loc: New York
It seems as if everything you are thinking about and expressing is aimed at determining if either or both of you are appropriate for this relationship or committment. I believe it should be looked at the other way around. You both bring things to the table when it comes to discovering if you enjoy each other's company and are compatible. If being together brings happiness and joy then that joy usually compells a couple to take it to the next step. They go to that next step knowing that the first step worked so well. You seem,however, like you have taken it to the next step before you are sure that you are both experiencing compatibility. That is not to say that it should come without a few complications. Life is not always a bowl of cherries. Any relationship has it's ups and downs. It sounds like he expects things to go perfectly and has a preconcieved notion of how love should be. From some of your questions, it sounds like you are not sure what to expect or you wouldn't be asking. His expectations of perfection will change by knowing more people and your questions will be answered in the same manner. How else do we find out if not by comparison. In any case, dateing until you both come to the point where you are ready for the second step seems like the way to go. He has expressed the happiness he feels but has he enquired about yours? It seems like you are overly concerned and analyzing your compatibility for the simple reason that you have the pressure of premature expectations from him and yourself being put on the relationship. Perhaps it might be revealing to ask yourself the question: "If those expectations were not there, would I be able to relax and just enjoy the relationship and not keep questioning it?" The progression of a relationship should be a mutual agreement. It is hard to express that to someone when they seem head over heals and are already nameing your children. If you are self analyzing and trying to fit into the picture he is creating of your future together, then you may be doing this the rest of your life. It is also your life, and you should feel ready for it and be a part of how it unfolds. One thing that you have worried about is the possesiveness. It is a fine line between overwhelming love for a person and unatural controlling posessiveness. If you choose to slow down the relationship and date for a while, you will certainly come to know which one is the case here.
_________________________

Cookie and Sweetie

Top

Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Twitter Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Facebook Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to MySpace Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Stumbleupon Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Reddit
#300883 - 06/12/08 06:28 PM Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? [Re: joandboys]
dachicken17 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 44
that was very long.

Top

Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Twitter Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Facebook Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to MySpace Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Stumbleupon Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Reddit
#300912 - 06/12/08 07:00 PM Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? [Re: dachicken17]
Dagny Offline
Regular

Registered: 03/27/08
Posts: 64
Jo, he does ask me if I'm happy and if I enjoy the relationship. He even wanted to know if I'm excited and happy that we plan to get married. I'm so happy that we are together and that we are getting married. I just really don't think we should be...planning for a future together so soon.
Things can change at any time...people change (like someone mentioned), we could end up breaking up, our families might not like the idea and so on. Therefore I think that counting the chickens before they are hatched so to speak is a little dangerous. Its not like we are actually planning a wedding (it's just our eventual plan) but I just worry that one of us will get hurt if it doesn't work out. That might seem to be ridiculous but I think we should just take it slow for now.
I think that I would still be able to enjoy the relationship even with the expectations of marriage tho, its just that there are questions I have about our relationship so I do ask...and I don't want to date other people. I've heard that breaks like that tend to not work anyhow...

Top

Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Twitter Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Facebook Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to MySpace Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Stumbleupon Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Reddit
#300920 - 06/12/08 07:12 PM Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? [Re: Dagny]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: Dagny
... I just really don't think we should be...planning for a future together so soon ....

well, the simple answer is ~ don't.
Enjoy being young & in love and let the future take care of itself. smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

Top

Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Twitter Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Facebook Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to MySpace Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Del.icio.us Digg Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Yahoo My Web Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Google Bookmarks Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Stumbleupon Add Re: Signs of a bad boyfriend? to Reddit
Page 2 of 5 < 1 2 3 4 5 >


Moderator:  Lisa Shea 

Want to reply? Register as a Forum Member - it's quick, free and fun!
Latest Posts
Daily Meditation - 10pm EST
by Lisa Shea
Today at 06:43 PM
Daily Yoga
by Lisa Shea
Today at 10:07 AM
Walking for Fitness
by Lisa Shea
04/03/14 02:30 PM
Love is Patient, Love is Kind Origami Lotus
by Lisa Shea
04/03/14 09:53 AM
Learn Klingon from Rosetta Stone!
by Lisa Shea
04/01/14 11:18 AM
Forgiveness
by Lisa Shea
03/27/14 02:34 PM
Go a Day Without Complaining
by Lisa Shea
03/27/14 01:07 PM
Forum Guidelines
This forum takes web safety issues very seriously. Please make sure you have read and understood our Forum Guidelines before posting.
Support Charity
Support Our Friends
The Animal Rescue Site

origami wedding favors