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Joined: Mar 2008
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Dagny Offline OP
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thats exactly what I figured, if I stayed with him I'd eventually get hurt...
it wasn't a chore to love him, it was just that being with him was sometimes a chore. for example, once we weree out at lunch and he'd see someone he knew and talk to them, but he didn't introduce me...it was like I was just his taxi and not his girlfriend?
and sometimes he'd call while I was watching tv or stuff, he did that last night. and because I am somewhat quiet due to watching tv and talking to him...he told me I was acting grumpy and shy. then I told him I was watching tv, and what and he said don't watch that, its stupid...

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Dagny Offline OP
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ok so now he changed his mind and wants to try it my way. he doesn't want to lose me.
I feel selfish that I won't try it his way, but its just a way to protect myself from heartache...but I wish he would have stayed single and met other people like he wanted
I can't stay single for more than 12 hours...why do you think he does this? I let him go...he's supposed to go forth, date and be happy!

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True Blue Soulmate
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I don't know the answers, I'm afraid.
Perhaps you just need time apart to reconsider everything?
What are you going to do?


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Dagny Offline OP
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we were semi apart when he was on vacation, like no communication. I'm going back with him I guess, see if we can make it work again. he asked if I cried all night, I didn't this time. for some reason I figured he was going to do this again and had already prepared myself for the worse, so I guess I was just numb to emotions last night...

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Dagny, I told you this once before, this pattern is common in abusive relationships.

An abusive relationship does not necessarily involve physical abuse, but often escalates to that after a period of years.

I suppose you have to ask yourself honestly, "is this worth it?"



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I could never do an open relationship and NO NO NO you are not selfish for not allowing that. Stand up for yourself and make youself strong. I don't like what he says about you watching TV either.

It truly is up to you whether or not you want to give it another try, but I've read this post from the beginning and it wouldn't be a relationship I would want to be in. Of course, this is your life, you only live it once, and you make the decisions in it. Think long and think hard.


Never forget:
Leaf - 11/5/07
Louie - 1/25/08
Bill - 4/16/08
Papeete - 4/21/08
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Dagny Offline OP
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I know he is worth, I'd really miss him if I lost him and I know he'd miss me. he just seems to have days where he says things without thinking or meaning them, or at least thats what my mom thinks...
I suppose I will just get to know him more and maybe I'll figure out the reason why he is usually a great guy, but some days he says the wrong things...

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It's not a matter if HE is worth it. HIS happiness is his own responsibility, not yours.

What about YOUR happiness. Thinking ONLY of yourself, ask yourself, are all the hoops and tricks you need to perform in order to be happy worth it?

Of course he may miss you, but that too, is not your responsibility. You need to care for yourself.

BTW. Men who are abusive, or not very nice, rarely MEAN to be hurtful. It is just a part of who they are.

It's your decision to make.


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I have to say that I still can't quite comprehend what it going on in this relationship.

I feel that it's the sort of thing, where I would actually need to know the individuals involved, before I could fully understand the situation.


"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.
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Dagny Offline OP
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He does make me happy, 428pm. I don't really jump through hoops or perform tricks for him, it just seems like he likes talking to me more than I like talking...I'd still say the happy times outweigh the bad ones. And alot of the bad ones could be ruled out by mis communicating or overreacting on both of our parts.
I don't think that without knowing us both that you could give any advice PDM, but thanks anyways.

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