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#321717 - 08/22/08 12:38 PM Wedding Confusion
idksh04 Offline
New Member

Registered: 08/22/08
Posts: 1
Tomorrow my best friend gets married to some one he has been with for the last 10 years. He has bee my best friend for the last 3 years. Right there is a big red flag to me. SO now i guess the reason I am posting this.

The two of us have been sexually involved for almost 4 years. it was suppose to be a fling that escaladed to what it is today. We had never said I love you and up until 9 monthes ago we didnt even do anything face to face. The other day he was over and he said I love you and asked me if I loved him as well. I of course said i did. That night we didnt talk to about it anymore. Well This last wednesday he was over (3 days before his wedding) and we both say it again. After that we we sitting on the couch chatting when he was complaining about stuff at home and that is when i questioned it.

We disccused everything about his upcoming wedding and how he was sitting there with me and not at home with her. But now I just dont know what to do. He doesnt know what he wants to do.

I can tell more of our convo if that helps anyone I just need an outsiders perspective.

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#322509 - 08/26/08 10:18 AM Re: Wedding Confusion [Re: idksh04]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
Hi. I see this is your first post. I salute you for being able to talk so openly when you can't know us so well (unless you've been reading for a while).

IMO, there's no need for confusion. Commitment to one person is apparently not important to him, and unless there is some kind of epiphany in life that brings a motivation to change (and to work at the change), it is unlikely that he will ever be ready for an open relationship with you. And if he did, could you trust him to remain faithful?

And then, there's you. You can't be feeling very positive about your role in this, nor liking yourself very much.

Having a best friend is wonderful. So is having a mate. But there are relationships which tear one down - in which one "uses" the other. A good relationship involves giving and receiving. A bad one just takes and takes, and drains your soul of vitality and authenticity.

IMO, you need to stop enabling him in being inauthentic and dishonest. He is not being a good friend (let alone a best friend), nor are you to him.

IMO, the best thing that both of you can do right now is to break off "romantic" relationships for a couple of years while each of you works on growth as a person. Then when a person seems to be someone you want to commit to, and receive commitment from, the relationship can be equal and not codependent.

Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.
_________________________
Marge is the love of my life.

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