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#334115 - 10/27/08 02:03 AM is this normal?
吣校登K1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
Ok so me and my girlfriend text alot and most of the time we RP (roleplay) where we do actions like -hugs- and we found out we like doing bondage type things like that and occasionally shirts are removed. we both enjoy doing this but sometimes she gets a bit uncomfortable and we stop which is fine by me. do you think it is normal for us to be doing these types of things at 15? we haven't done any of these things in real life yet but it might happen soon on halloween when i get to have alone time with her. we haven't even shared our first kiss in real life. so is it normal for us to be into bondage at this age?

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#334186 - 10/27/08 02:03 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: 吣校登K1674]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Just keep it sweet & innocent at this stage.

Otherwise you could spoil the relationship and cause your & her parents to worry. They may even want you to have less to do with each other. That wouldn't be good.

Enjoy young love. It's special.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#334193 - 10/27/08 02:51 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: PDM]
428pm Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 04/30/08
Posts: 959
My significant other and I share a bdsm relationship.....If you would like to pm me with any question, I can try and help you.

I think any sex act at your age is something to be very careful of and take slow. Make sure you are both ready, and responsible.

I don't know that messing with bondage is a very good idea at your age. Teens tend not to have their boundaries as clearly defined as adults do. It is something that comes with experience. Also communication is something that is as important as the games that are played with this sort of thing, and a 15 year old's sexual communication isnt the same as say, a 28 yr old's.

There are times when a young girl will thinks she is ready, and wants something only to abruptly change her mind mid um...'action' That is normal, and perfectly ok. But if you are playing role games while this happens, things may get confused.

I would suggest, as someone with a lot of experience with this type of pleasure....Wait until your a little more matured.

There is nothing wrong with role playing, bondage or any of those things, as long as everyone is a consenting ADULT. But you guys arent quite there yet.

I wold strongly suggest, think long and hard about whether you are both ready for even vanilla play.
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#334195 - 10/27/08 02:57 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: PDM]
kksuns Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 7605
Loc: upstate NY
I think that the "idea" of bondage at your age is probably normal to be curious about considering it's only "virtual bondage" lols I know lots of teens are into the RP thing but don't let it get out of hand. In the virtual world it's probably all just fun and games to you two (I hope)and going "too far" even virtually is probably really creepy esp for a girl. As far as in real life NO BONDAGE!!!! The way you said we haven't done these things in real life YET really scares me.You're waaaaay to young for such a thing. Take it slow, start with holding hands and kissing. You're only 15 for God's sake! If your or her parents ever found out about the whole bondage business virtual or not they'd probably totally freak and you sure wouldn't be able to see each other in the real world again. So anyway ya might want to cool it on the bondage thing. Have a Happy Halloween, stay safe, and behave yourself! LOLS
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#334220 - 10/27/08 04:31 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: kksuns]
吣校登K1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
I think i should have gave a bit more details about what we do. We don't do anything sexual even though shirts come off sometimes. One of us takes control and ties the other one up and then just cuddle. Kinda funny in my opinion. Gags are normally involved and if either one of us gets uncomfortable we stop immediately. On Halloween i know i am going to get tied up but that is fine by me, i find it fun and if i want to stop she will let me out. We know that this is a little more mature than we are and never go beyond removal of shirts, it almost went to pants removal but i got uncomfortable and we stopped. We have good communication and talk often about everything and anything. We don't get to see each other often and texting is the only way of communication most of the time. Hope this cleared up any confusion of what we were doing.

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#334224 - 10/27/08 04:40 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: 吣校登K1674]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Just be careful. Really, I think, at this stage, it would be wiser to keep to innocent hand-holding and maybe an innocent kiss and cuddle.

Remember to keep things innocent. You are both young and vulnerable. Don't let things get out of hand.

And remember that your parents and hers may see things differently from the way you do.

Be very careful!
Some things can go wrong & be dangerous ~ don't do anything dangerous.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#334229 - 10/27/08 05:16 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: PDM]
kksuns Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 7605
Loc: upstate NY
Hey whoa!! Slow down there bud. I know that at 15 you think you're pretty mature and have things under control and all that but really...step back and play it safe for a while.Try starting at step one, don't jump all the way to step 589 lol It's great that you have a good relationship and can talk about anything & everything without getting embarassed and all that.You're off to a good start! But don't be tying each other up whether you think you can trust each other or not.Things have a way of getting out of hand sometimes and can go bad real fast. I'd hate to see either of you get hurt physically or emotionally. And sometimes with emotions and hormones running high you or she could do something you'll reeeallly regret in the morning..if ya get my drift? Be safe..And ALWAYS remember no means NOOO Damned if I don't sound like "Dear Abbey" right now -yikes!
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#334276 - 10/27/08 08:25 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: kksuns]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: kksuns
.... But don't be tying each other up whether you think you can trust each other or not....

No, it really could all go very wrong, in various ways.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#334296 - 10/27/08 10:09 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: PDM]
kksuns Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 7605
Loc: upstate NY
Xenoki, Seriously...I am really getting a bad feelin about this whole bondage thing. Please nix that idea ok? My kids would both tell you that when I get a bad feelin or bad "vibes" about something that you should really pay attention to them. Please go out with your girl on Halloween and have some good safe fun.You said you don't get much time together so don't screw up what time you do have with a potential disaster. Only tryin to look out for your best interest k?
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#334322 - 10/27/08 11:43 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: kksuns]
428pm Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 04/30/08
Posts: 959
Xenoki....I am a VERY open minded individual person abotu this thing...It is a lifestyle for me. I know pretty much every thing there is to know about this particular 'quirk'

What you and your girlfriend are engagin may well nto always be sexual...My fiance and I dont always engage in sexual bondage either. But it is bodange nonetheless. A common misconception is that bondage involves sex. It doesnt always, it doesnt MOST times in fact. It has more to do with bonding, trust, control, submission and domination. These are all things that, at your age, you should be staying away from. There is an amount of maturity and experience that is required when dealing with this type oif thing, even as simple and innocent as the things you and your girlfriend are doing.

The thing is, no one here is saying that bondage is wrong. It's not. It's safe, healthy and ok-if done right. The problem isn't the games you two are playing...It is that you guys are a little too young to understand all the mental and emotional repercussions that may come with these particular actions.

Liek I said before, bondage is not only about sex. Anymore than vanilla sex is. There is a mental and emotional attachment to these actions that are difficult for even most adults to grasp, let a lone a boy of your age, no matter how mature.

It is not a matter of how smart you are, or how mature you are for your age. It is a matter of having the years of experience, and self discovery behind you.

There are alternatives to physical bondage that could be used considering your ages...Simply voice commands and such. But I would recommend keeping your relationship innocent and not progressing until you are BOTH SURE that you are ready.
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#334342 - 10/28/08 12:26 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: 428pm]
kksuns Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 7605
Loc: upstate NY
Well said 428.
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#334348 - 10/28/08 12:38 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: kksuns]
吣校登K1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
I see every one is saying NO!!! to doing this. I understand where this is coming from with safety concerns and all. I am probably going to let her try it on me if she wants to but i am not ready to do it to her. We won't stop doing it in text i know that. If i don't like it in real life, if it even happens, then we won't do it in real life just yet. I really do want to try it and i feel confident that she wont do anything i wouldn't like.

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#334371 - 10/28/08 01:23 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: 吣校登K1674]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Xenoki

I think that you feel that neither of you will take things too far, and I am pleased to hear that you won't try anything like this on her, but just consider this ...

You are only 15 ~ what would you do, if your or her parents found out and became so upset and concerned that they stopped you seeing or contracting each other at all??

You don't see each other very often. You are under-age. You have never even kissed.
This isn't the way to start a relationship. Start slow.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#334442 - 10/28/08 04:13 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: PDM]
吣校登K1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
I know my parents will never find out about this and as for her parents that does worry me now. Her mom is very controlling of her and if she found out what we did she probably would stop us from seeing each other. But we both enjoy doing this with each other. I doubt that it will happen in real life mostly because i don't know if i want to do that yet and i know she will understand that. But the texts are not harmful in any way unless her parents read them...i don't know what i would do if i lost her again. I don't want to stop with the RP because it is fun and it isn't like we are doing it in real life, or anything sexual is going on. I don't know what to do...

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#334465 - 10/28/08 10:08 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: 吣校登K1674]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
As the mother of a teenage girl, I might want to check out her messages, just to be sure that she wasn't ever putting herself in danger.

Certainly worth considering.
Weigh up the odds.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#334580 - 10/28/08 10:30 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: PDM]
吣校登K1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
So i talked with my girlfriend today and discussed the bondage thing and we decided to continue with doing it text but text only. On Halloween i am being tied up but that is for a haunted house we are setting up and i think it will be fun. After that we are watching movies and more than likely going to be cuddling most of that time. We both agreed that we are not ready for this in real life. Thanks all for helping me make the decision to talk to her about it!

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#334584 - 10/28/08 10:37 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: 吣校登K1674]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
I think that you are making a sensible and mature decision, Xenoki.

I hope that you will both have a lovely evening. smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#334591 - 10/28/08 10:55 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: PDM]
kksuns Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 7605
Loc: upstate NY
I'm so glad to hear you say that. I had a feeling you were a smart sensible kid :)It sounds like you use your head and think things through. and I'm glad you and your gf are on the same page. You guys are doing a haunted house!? I love haunted houses! Sounds like a good time. Have a great weekend and enjoy the movies. Horror flix I hope!
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#334608 - 10/28/08 11:19 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: kksuns]
吣校登K1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
horor flix for sure! and i am buying a cheap chainsaw and removeing the chain for the haunted house that should be fun! and scary!

On a different note i think it is really cool how me and my girlfriend are so comfortable with pretty much everything. One time i accidentally walked into her room while she was changing and saw her with her pants off and she shoved me out of her room but after she said "don't worry about it things happen" and then she kissed me forehead. In our RP she doesn't like the removal of her shirt but her pants are fine because of that incident. kinda funny in my opinion.

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#334617 - 10/28/08 11:27 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: 吣校登K1674]
kksuns Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 7605
Loc: upstate NY
Sounds like you guys are pretty close. That's cool
And Oh yeah a chainsaw for sure!! Are you guys doin it for trick or treaters to see or for a party of your own?
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#334855 - 10/29/08 09:18 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: kksuns]
吣校登K1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
trick or treaters. i really think i love her. kinky things have gotten farther in our texts now and becomeing a bit more sexual.

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#335164 - 10/31/08 12:41 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: 吣校登K1674]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
Interesting discussion, Xenoki. I like it that you and your friend are talking things out, as well as RPing and exploring your boundaries.

In your eyes, and in mine, I am an old man.

When I was a teen, I suppose I would have been frightened by situations too potentially dangerous to me. But pretty much, a teen aged heterosexual boy went as far as he could until the girl said no, stop.

I wish I could say I was more mature, but I wasn't. And my sexual history was not exactly as a predator, either, since females have always taught me. I'd like to think that I've been appreciative and sensitive to them, but I know that they were wiser - from birth, do you think?

However, what I want to say is this. I'm not trying to say that things are the same for you as they were for me back in the "olden days."

But what I think you need to be prepared for is this:

Where I depended upon the female to stop us, and felt like "going ahead" was what males were supposed to at least "try" to do; it sounds like to me that you are shaping up to be the one who will need to know when and how to stop.

And no matter that most 15-year-olds probably know much more than I knew at that age (but possibly not, as the physiology and mechanics are the same) - the point is that a male teen's hormones are going to send a completely different signal than what you may plan now.

I applaud you for being responsible in your relationship. And here's hoping you don't mind an old man's rambling.
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#335168 - 10/31/08 12:53 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: Carl]
吣校登K1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
I have always been afraid of what my hormones might make me do...i almost got violent once with my friend...i don't remember why, but after that i kinda shut myself out from starting a relationship, my girlfriend now, she means so much to me, i have never even gotten up the nerve to hold her hand she had to do it, and we have been together for almost a year except for the month we broke up. i really want to kiss her tomorrow when i am with her but i am really scared i might do something stupid. any advice?

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#335176 - 10/31/08 01:09 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: 吣校登K1674]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
On the kiss, she will let you know. If you're not sure, ask her. Nothing wrong with, "Are you wanting me to kiss you?"

Don't want to do something stupid? Deliberately keep the atmosphere different than the role playing that you do online. Be tender and brief in your kiss. Hold hands. Walk together. Hug. Talk. You understand.

The relationship will grow leaps and bounds - in your hearts.
_________________________
Marge is the love of my life.

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#335188 - 10/31/08 01:43 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: Carl]
吣校登K1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
She told me she wanted me to kiss her. The bondage is strictly in RP...for now, but i am not ready for that in real life yet. I have no clue how to do it and i am kinda scared...

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#335191 - 10/31/08 01:50 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: 吣校登K1674]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
You've not kissed a female who is not family before? Technique will come about with practice. Mainly a matter of turning the head a little so the noses don't hit each other (or glasses). Lips can be parted a little, but you don't have to try to swallow her lips. And gentle pressure for a short time, and draw back. That lets her know you are not trying to push her.

Of course, sounds like she may want to take charge of the kiss and show you how it's done. If that is the case, and you begin to feel a bit strange, or maybe too excited, you can still pull back.

And although this may sound funny, you can always ask her to show you how to kiss. Believe me, it will not make her like you less. Knowing that you like her, and want to kiss her, but are worried that you may not do it "right" will be a plus to her - not a negative.
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#335192 - 10/31/08 01:54 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: Carl]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
I think that it will just come naturally, when the time is right smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#335371 - 10/31/08 10:48 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: PDM]
吣校登K1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
She has never kissed anyone before just as i have not. We both want to kiss but are both scared and she wants me to make the move.

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#335372 - 10/31/08 11:00 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: 吣校登K1674]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
I'm going to make a suggestion that is revolutionary. I doubt very seriously that your Mom expects that you will go throughout life never kissing someone you are interested in romantically.

Tell her you'd like to kiss this girl, and ask her advice on how you should do it.

You may be surprised at the support you get, and if you ask her privately, nobody else need know that you asked.

And I can guarantee you that it will make your Mom's day.
_________________________
Marge is the love of my life.

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#335381 - 10/31/08 11:39 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: Carl]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Or you could ask your Dad.


Or just let things happen nturally.
Start with a hug and a peck on the cheek.:)


Edited by PDM (10/31/08 11:42 PM)
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#335404 - 11/01/08 07:02 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: PDM]
吣校登K1674 Offline
Regular

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 98
Loc: California
OMG BEST NIGHT EVER!!! I went to her friends house that she was at and we took her lil bro trick-or-treating and ran around a bit and had tons of fun. we played Guitar hero alot and my and my gf cuddled so much, I finally get up the courage to try to kiss her and she leans away...i was so embarrassed and she said that it was too risky...but that totally crushed my confidence. Well it was almost time for me to go and my my gf and her friend are heading to the gate of her community to wait for my dad. my gf pulls me out of the house and just away from the house, turns around and kisses me. that made me feel like...i dunno but OMG i am so happy now!


Edited by PDM (11/01/08 04:25 PM)

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#335407 - 11/01/08 11:23 AM Re: is this normal? [Re: 吣校登K1674]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
And all that worrying before! Females seem to be born with instinctive wisdom. Thanks for sharing with us. We're happy for you!
_________________________
Marge is the love of my life.

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#335421 - 11/01/08 03:12 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: Carl]
kksuns Offline
Platinum Star Soulmate

Registered: 07/29/08
Posts: 7605
Loc: upstate NY
That's great Xeonki! Sound like a PERFECT night! I'm really happy for you smile I can almost see the big smile on your face. Your gf sounds pretty cool and fun to be with. Isn't it cool when you find someone you actually like and things just sorta click? And I bet she's smilin too.
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#335424 - 11/01/08 03:32 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: kksuns]
luv my bird
Unregistered


Was that your first kiss??? The first kiss is always so sweet. I remember my first kiss.....hundred years ago. LOL


Edited by luv my bird (11/01/08 03:32 PM)

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#335428 - 11/01/08 04:26 PM Re: is this normal? [Re: ]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Super!!! smile smile smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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