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#337573 - 11/13/08 06:02 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: Dark Raven
To ma'am PDM:
I can't visit my social worker at the moment because I'm in the middle of exams. I can't afford to spill my guts to her right now because I'm scared of going into a breakdown again. And at the moment I can't fall into a breakdown because it's going to affect my studying....

Yes, I do understand that. You have to hold yourself together until you can give yourself permission to talk about it and allow yourself to feel all the emotion.
But don't let yourself get too stressed.
Try doing relaxation exercises and deep breathing.
Lavender oil can be very soothing in many ways.
I'm pleased that you intend to talk to someone. A problem shared is a problem halved. smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#337574 - 11/13/08 06:04 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Carl]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: Carl
... But bottom line is still: how much do you have to hurt yourself and others that you love before you say: "Enough! I cannot break free of this by myself. I need help."...

Yes, it's important to know when the time has arrived to really get help.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#337631 - 11/14/08 08:57 AM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Carl]
Amaggiepie Offline
Great Friend

Registered: 12/23/07
Posts: 468
Loc: Baltimore, MD
I think that the only kind of help for SI, at least where I am, is counseling. And unfortunatley, the last time I was in counseling, when my therapist found out that I SIed, she wanted to put me in some kind of mental hospital for suicidial behavior. She compeltely misunderstood my behavior for suidial behavior. Since, I have never gone back to therapy.

It would most liekly be helpful, but I can't get over the fear that the one person I am supposed to be able to talk to freely will judge as soon as they hear that I SI.

I definately think I am a lot better than when I was younger, because the occurrances now are rare, and when it does happen it is less severe. I know that might sound odd, but really it is. The cuts are much smaller, not at all deep, and usually I don't use anything to cut, but I will just scratch at myself with my fingernail. I have definately improved, but I feel like this is just a part of how I deal with things. There is also a forum for SI, and frankly, when I looked at some of the posts, especially those about how and why people SI, i made me feel a lot more normal because some of the things there people were saying seemed way off for me.

I hope that one day I will have a better way to deal with stress, or hopefully less stress to deal with.

I don't usually advertise this about myself, but I just wanted Raven to know that she's not alone in having these feelings.
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~ Maggie
Mama to Juliana Elise (03/07), Wesley Dominick (06/10) and four feathered 'tielbabies!

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#337636 - 11/14/08 09:15 AM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Amaggiepie]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: Amaggiepie
.... I don't usually advertise this about myself, but I just wanted Raven to know that she's not alone in having these feelings.
I think that this is very brave and supportive of you. I'm sure that it will be appreciated.

As for counsellors, etc. ~ yes, I do understand. I have found that some are brilliant and others do more harm than good, unfortunately.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#337641 - 11/14/08 09:33 AM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: PDM]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
I am currently reading Richard Paul Evans' The Gift. The protagonist has Tourette's Disease, tics, and in addition, has urges to cut himself. He carries in his pocket paper money that he has removed from his wallet and folded so there are sharp creases and points. So, when he feels the urge, he presses his hand or finger to a point.

I, also, understand that some counselors might overreact.

Learning to cope is a good thing, I'm thinking. Yet, only the person can know if he or she is really coping, or losing hope.

Sometimes we resist change not just from fear of rejection or of mockery but simply because we dislike the inconvenience. Change just seems hard.

But once change, that one knows in one's gut needs to be done, is started, you feel better almost immediately.

And beginning to talk about it is the beginning of change.

So good for you!
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Marge is the love of my life.

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#337687 - 11/14/08 01:22 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Carl]
Ritsuka Tommy Offline
Companion

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 126
Thanks to all three of you for you advice, loving auras and support.

Well, my social worker called me into her office today, just to check up on me. Ok, so I told a little white lie and said I was fine because I didn't want her to worry and I didn't want to work myself up. Not now of all times. Surely that can be understood?

Good news. My scars are almost completely gone! The sooner they go, the better.

It's a shame the two of us couldn't celebrate our 9 month anniversary together today. Both of us were bogged down by exams. I might be able to drag him away from his studies for a bit on Sunday. I'm going to a real peaceful garden and I'd like it if he would join me. Well, I gotta ask my dad first and then ask him. Hopefully I'll be able to see him.

Things between us were great today, even though we only saw each other for a few minutes. I really enjoy his aura, good and bad. I can see something is bothering him, but I don't want to force it out of him. Today he asked me if I was still angry at him when I heard he liked another girl. I was honest and said that I was still a bit angry. He didn't take it harshly though.
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#337698 - 11/14/08 02:08 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
Celebrations should fit your circumstances anyway. If y'all talked, then that was celebrating the moment, you know.

Take it one day at a time.

Gotta tell you what I think, though. There may never be a time when you don't want to worry your social worker and are not concerned about working yourself up.

That is, unless you decide that maybe you might be conning yourself a little. Despite what they say, love doesn't make everything better. Sometimes we have to make choices that are not easy.

You will do what you think is right and what you want for yourself. I urge you, however, to consider that your thinking might be skewed by not wanting to look too closely at yourself.

I hope you're not feeling attacked. That is not my intention. But I don't want you to wonder at some point in the future - why didn't people tell me the truth?
_________________________
Marge is the love of my life.

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#337700 - 11/14/08 02:28 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Carl]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Yes, Raven, though I completely understand why you don't want to get into deep discussions with your social worker, until your exams are over, Carl is right, too, that sometimes, because we don't want to face our problems, we may keep finding reasons to put off dealing with them.

If you are feeling negative, then you may need support, and you need it when you need it, not when the invigilators decide that the exams are finished. I know that you know this, but Carl is right that 'There may never be a time when you don't want to worry your social worker and are not concerned about working yourself up.' So be careful and get help when you need it. That is what she is there for. You might even do better in your exams with her support ~ had you thought of that?

You could have told her that there actually is something you need to discuss with her, but that you don't want to get involved in deep discussions while the exams are on, because you need to concentrate on them for the time-being and not risk getting over-emotional.
In fact, you could still tell her this.

I'm not usually in favour of lies ~ even white ones ~ they often come back to bite you. smile But you must do what you think is right. Just take all the concern and advice on board and do take care of yourself.

I'm glad that your scars are healing, and hopefully they will be the last, since you are doing so well smile Well done!

Congratulations on your 9 months with your boyfriend. I hope that you can go from strength to strength. You obviously have a strong bond between you, in spite of your concerns.

And good luck with the exams! I hope that they are going well.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#337713 - 11/14/08 03:08 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: PDM]
Ritsuka Tommy Offline
Companion

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 126
To Carl:

Don't worry. I didn't take this as an attack. I'm quite open-minded.

I just didn't want to tell my social worker today otherwise it would bug me the whole weekend. I just really need to concentrate and shut all my emtional levels down, just so that I can study. This exam... it's really important for me. This is my chance to prove my worth to me father, so you can imagine why I don't want anything to get in the way.

Sometimes I look a bit too closely at myself that it scares me. It's then that I back away a bit too far and not see myself at all. You see what I mean? It's confusing.


To ma'am PDM:

I have thought about that speaking to her might make me concentrate better, but I don't want to risk it that it might not make me feel better. I will, however, let her know that I would like to see her for an indepth discussion sometime soon.

I hate lies and white lies too, but sometimes I need to use them just so that I can heal myself a bit.

Thanks for the positive reinforcements ^^ They really do help.
_________________________
"My name is my law"

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#337716 - 11/14/08 03:30 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
Ritsuka Tommy Offline
Companion

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 126
Just another thing. Lol, you can sue me for double-posting later XD.

My boyfriend told me that the people at the clinic suggest he go to boarding school because he fights too much with his parents. He says they can't make him go, but i asked he he had other options. He said I has nowhere else to stay if that happens. And then a crazy suggestion came from me... Why doesn't he come and stay with me for a while?!

Ok, that was really crazy, but I don't want him to go away. I don't know how my dad would feel about it, but I would really like it if he came to live with us for a bit.
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"My name is my law"

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