.... In an instant, he smacked me through the face. I guess I deserved it for cutting myself. Afterwards he pulled me into an embrace and told me how I had once promised him that I would never do it again. But... I think that hit was more out of 'what-the-****-did-you-think-you-were-doing!'. And I understand that. ....
I can understand him feeling upset, angry, confused, let down, etc.
I suppose that when people feel like that, they may lash out.
But really, Raven, he has no right to slap you.
You are obviously a very understanding person, but you cannot forever be worrying that he might hit you again.
It's just not on ~ not even if he did do it because he feels let down & he worries.
You have been worrying about him.
You have felt let-down by his talk of the other girl.
Did you lash out at him?
Yes, you promised you wouldn't do it again & it frightens him, but you have been doing very well. No-one is perfect.
This was a blip ~ and it was triggered by his telling you of his feelings for another girl. Any girl would become upset at that.
Maybe he feels guilty about that.
Whatever ~ whether you have annoyed him, or he is feeling guilty, lashing out and slapping your face is unacceptable behaviour.
You are very young Raven. Everyone needs a bit of support at one time or another.
Don't wait until you feel ready to explode.
You don't want to break down; it could make you ill.
Sometimes the strong thing to do is to accept that you need help.