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#337971 - 11/16/08 10:12 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Carl]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: Carl
... Do it for the future you....

I'll second that.
Look after yourself Raven smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#338315 - 11/18/08 06:09 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: PDM]
Ritsuka Tommy Offline
Companion

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 126
Thanks for the support everyone.

Well, I spoke to my boyfriend today and... I took a risk and showed him where I had harmed myself. Unfortunately, that part didn't go as planned. When I showed it to him, he first asked me with what did I do it. I told him it was a pin. In an instant, he smacked me through the face. I guess I deserved it for cutting myself. Afterwards he pulled me into an embrace and told me how I had once promised him that I would never do it again. But... I think that hit was more out of 'what-the-****-did-you-think-you-were-doing!'. And I understand that. He forever worries about me.
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"My name is my law"

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#338329 - 11/18/08 07:39 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
It is your life. There may be genetic factors and environment factors that have been beyond your control. And there may be things around you that you have limited control over.

Yet, in my opinion, understanding someone else's hitting you - for any reason - is akin to rationalizing cutting or harming yourself.

I think you are worth more than that.

Wanting your boy friend's love and attention is human and normal. We all want to be loved.

But a love which keeps us in a inferior state (awaiting an embrace or a hit) is not what helps us grow stronger and more secure in our lives, in my opinion.

I urge you to seek counseling. I urge you to tell your social worker all that has been going on.

Battered females the world over live with the punishments, the apologies, and the expressions of love. Their whole world becomes pleasing the one who is controlling them.

Don't let this be you! You can break free.
_________________________
Marge is the love of my life.

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#338351 - 11/18/08 10:55 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: Dark Raven
.... In an instant, he smacked me through the face. I guess I deserved it for cutting myself. Afterwards he pulled me into an embrace and told me how I had once promised him that I would never do it again. But... I think that hit was more out of 'what-the-****-did-you-think-you-were-doing!'. And I understand that. ....

I can understand him feeling upset, angry, confused, let down, etc.
I suppose that when people feel like that, they may lash out.
But really, Raven, he has no right to slap you.
You are obviously a very understanding person, but you cannot forever be worrying that he might hit you again.
It's just not on ~ not even if he did do it because he feels let down & he worries.

You have been worrying about him.
You have felt let-down by his talk of the other girl.
Did you lash out at him?

Yes, you promised you wouldn't do it again & it frightens him, but you have been doing very well. No-one is perfect.
This was a blip ~ and it was triggered by his telling you of his feelings for another girl. Any girl would become upset at that.
Maybe he feels guilty about that.
Whatever ~ whether you have annoyed him, or he is feeling guilty, lashing out and slapping your face is unacceptable behaviour.

You are very young Raven. Everyone needs a bit of support at one time or another.
Don't wait until you feel ready to explode.
You don't want to break down; it could make you ill.
Sometimes the strong thing to do is to accept that you need help.


_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#338371 - 11/18/08 11:59 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: PDM]
Pudgie's mom
Unregistered


Originally Posted By: Carl
It is your life.
I urge you to seek counseling. I urge you to tell your social worker all that has been going on.
You can break free.


I think these are very wise words and worth thinking about, Raven, as well as these words too:
Originally Posted By: PDM

You are very young Raven. Everyone needs a bit of support at one time or another.
Don't wait until you feel ready to explode.
You don't want to break down; it could make you ill.
Sometimes the strong thing to do is to accept that you need help.



You do have a future, and it will be better if you are with people who are gentle and supportive and who will help you reach your goals...

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#338519 - 11/19/08 06:51 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: PDM]
Ritsuka Tommy Offline
Companion

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 126
Originally Posted By: Carl

But a love which keeps us in a inferior state (awaiting an embrace or a hit) is not what helps us grow stronger and more secure in our lives, in my opinion.

I urge you to seek counseling. I urge you to tell your social worker all that has been going on.

Battered females the world over live with the punishments, the apologies, and the expressions of love. Their whole world becomes pleasing the one who is controlling them.

Don't let this be you! You can break free.


He does NOT keep me in an inferior state of being! I refuse to tell my social worker about this. Why the hell should be so clued up in my personal life?! I am not weak and I am NOT being controlled! Don't make me sound weaker than I am! mad

Originally Posted By: PDM

But really, Raven, he has no right to slap you.

You have been worrying about him.
You have felt let-down by his talk of the other girl.
Did you lash out at him?

Whatever ~ whether you have annoyed him, or he is feeling guilty, lashing out and slapping your face is unacceptable behaviour.


I know he had no right, but no one here understands him the way I do. The reason I don't lash out is because I don't believe hitting someone will make a difference... ok, unless I'm in a real rage, which doesn't happen often (thank God). He was just really angry and I understand because I can relate.
_________________________
"My name is my law"

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#338520 - 11/19/08 07:03 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
Amaggiepie Offline
Great Friend

Registered: 12/23/07
Posts: 468
Loc: Baltimore, MD
Ok Raven, I know Im not in your situation and I don't know exactly whats going on...

But I was in an abusive marriage for 2 years. I got married very young because I had a baby and I didn't want my daughter not to have ehr daddy. It was the wrong reason. My husband became depressed and then an alcoholic and struck/abused me 5 times before I filed for divorce. The first time, it was a slap and a kick. I was 4 mo. preganant. The last time, he threw 7 full beer bottles at me from across the room, punched me in the chest three times and almost killed my daughter (one of the bottles almost hit her...like it missed by a 1/4 inch). He also hit my mom and friend when they tried to defend me and went to jail for 3 months.

I stayed so long becuas eI loved him, because I understood him and made excuses for his behavior, and becuas eI felt like I had no choice. I am lucky to be alive. I didn't realize that this was abuse and that he was controlling me until he wasn't there anymore.

Being abused inst a sign on weakness. It isn't your fault and it isnt something you should be ashamed of.

If it was okay for him to hit you, you wouldnt have any problem telling your therapist.

And if he thinks its okay for him to hit you, he will do it again and it will get worse...

Just my take on things.
_________________________
~ Maggie
Mama to Juliana Elise (03/07), Wesley Dominick (06/10) and four feathered 'tielbabies!

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#338522 - 11/19/08 07:09 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Amaggiepie]
Ritsuka Tommy Offline
Companion

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 126
Originally Posted By: Amaggiepie

Being abused inst a sign on weakness. It isn't your fault and it isnt something you should be ashamed of.

If it was okay for him to hit you, you wouldnt have any problem telling your therapist.

And if he thinks its okay for him to hit you, he will do it again and it will get worse...


I'm NOT being abused! Why the [censored] should I be ashamed of it if it doesn't happen to me?! Do I have to have a damn reason for not wanting to tell my social worker? NO! I just don't wanna tell her, Simple as that! Stop trying to make my boyfriend sound like the bad guy here! If that's all you're gonna do, get off my thread and don't bother coming back! mad
_________________________
"My name is my law"

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#338526 - 11/19/08 07:14 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
Amaggiepie Offline
Great Friend

Registered: 12/23/07
Posts: 468
Loc: Baltimore, MD
Im not saying your bf is a bad guy...my husband wasnt a bad guy, still isnt. And btw, not your thread. Free forum here.

IMO, if someone hits you, and you didn't hit them first, especially a boyfriend, it is abuse.

We're all just trying to help..its the been there, done that theory for me.
_________________________
~ Maggie
Mama to Juliana Elise (03/07), Wesley Dominick (06/10) and four feathered 'tielbabies!

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#338529 - 11/19/08 07:47 PM Re: Which tempation do I give in to? [Re: Amaggiepie]
Ritsuka Tommy Offline
Companion

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 126
Whatever.

Stop using the word 'abuse'! That might be your theory, but it's not mine!
_________________________
"My name is my law"

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