RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Dating what do you people(women) want!

Hey, I am a guy, and im straight. some times i wish i was gay because then i would understand what my partner wanted from me. i just dont get it, what do you women want from us guys?

sex? partnership? love? or just someone thats there for you?

You women? Us guys?

I think you're making a bad start if you really want to learn something.

Try being honest and being yourself.

What are you looking for, and what do you have to offer in a relationship?

Woah..if only it were that easy to answer.

I can say being a gay man would not help, my best friend can vouch for that he was engaged to be married and his fiancee just stopped talking to him and then left, so evidently men are good at the silent treatment stereotypically attributed to females ....but I am getting ahead of myself.

What do we want, figuring out what i want is hard enough , I certainly can't speak for my whole gender.

I think we need more specifics to help out honestly, it's just a huge question.

Good catch, CM! I was reacting about the gender assumptions, and I missed that. You're quite right. Being gay does not mean that relationships are simple. Communication between people can be quite unpredictable.

Been there. But sadly I am a boring straight guy.

Actually,



are pretty good choices. Friendship is a good place to start.

I guess what i mean by you women (i dont mean to be sexist) and us men is that i understand what other guys my age are thinking about. I know that we have sex on our minds. I know that we watch dirty movies and all that. But i have no idea about women. I can relate to guys, but Im always one step behind with women.

My girlfriend recently left me. I had no idea anything was wrong! And the only explination she gave was "Your just not the right one," or "I just dont feel the same way anymore,"...

I guess noone here can tell me why she left me. noone here knows why she just stoped likeing me.

but what do you want, what makes you happy? what makes you stay with a person? And what makes you leave...

Oh , I am sorry you were hurt.

Unfortunately the reason you get (if you get one at all) doesn't always help, or isn't what you want to hear, but it still may be a valid reason.

You said

That may very well be her only explanation, peoples feelings change, maybe she really liked you but as time went on realized that it wasn't right for her. Things don't always end with a huge fight sometimes you just realize that you are going in different directions or your values are too different etc.

It of course is impossible to know what she was thinking, In my opinion you need to accept what she said and move on, and i know that's no what you want to hear but no one here as you said can tell you why she left because we don't know either of you.

I can also tell you you probably are not alone in

The best thing I can say is listen, that's the biggest thing I hear my friends complain about, but that's just one small circle of people . But listening is key in any communication.

All three, and more ~ including the opportunity to share special moments, to talk, to cuddle ~ just for affection, to nurture someone we love, and to have a life-companion whom we can depend upon, and someone perhaps to have children with, and to travel with, and to come home to, but also to give us the freedom to be ourselves.

From my viewpoint, and this is not speaking for all women of course, I think that the important things in a relationship are trust, support & love.

With regards to a man, he must love his partner & be trustworthy, for a relationship to work. He must 'be there' for her during her highs and her lows.

Of course, I would say the same for women, too.

And there must be a willingness to share.
Burdens ~ physical, emotional, mundane, etc, must not just be on the one partner.

As for why your girl stopped liking you, that's a difficult one, but also a common one.

Why does someone fall in love?
It's a very difficult question to answer.

Why does someone fall out of love?
It's equally difficult to answer.

No-one can help who they fall in love with ~ and it may be someone great, or someone totally unsuitable.
Equally, no-one can force themselves to fall in love, or to stay in love, no matter how nice or suitable the other person is.

I'd agree with Coco's Mama.

Love is a very complex matter.
Ahd whether or not a couple stays together depends largely on this complex matter.

And in a relationship there is both liking and loving. One can like but not love, or even love but not like, I think.

What do you expect from yourself, your relationship and your girlfriend?
Your answers might help to illuminate your girlfriend's actions.

Now, I am beginning to sound as if I am on commission for John Gray, but I can tell you that reading books such as his has helped me to understand my husband and sons enormously. And there are others by different authors.
I read:
'Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men and Women' by Anne Moir & David Jessel.
'Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex' (& others) by John Gray.
'Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: How We're Different and What to Do About It' (& others) by Allan Pease & Barbara Pease.

These could be useful, too:
'Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love' by Helen Fisher
'The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love' by Paul Dobransky and L. A. Stamford
http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Psychology-...0028&sr=1-5
The chemistry of love by by Michael R Liebowitz


http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Sex-Difference-Between-Women/dp/0385311834
http://www.amazon.com/Men-Mars-Women-Ven...9840&sr=1-6
http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Listen-Women-...9926&sr=1-2

http://www.amazon.com/Why-We-Love-Chemis...0028&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/chemistry-love-Michael-R-Liebowitz/dp/0316524301

Well thank you for your help. ill see about getting a book or two, thanks for the suggestions PDM.

I guess ill start some other threads with more specific questions. Please read them, and answer, i need answers...

Wow cool book list PDM.

I never would have thought that a book could help with my emotions seeing as how complex we all are as people and it is one persons opinion. However you say it helped you understand your boys better so maybe they do work, I just may have to check some out.

OK ~ go ahead & we'll see what we can do!

I particularly found that misunderstandings were less likely to occur between me and my husband.

Just an example:

Say something has upset or annoyed the woman.
She tells her husband.
He wants to put things right.
She just wants a bit of sympathy and moral support.
He doesn't give it, because he's thinking of ways to solve the problem.
She gets upset, because he isn't giving her the sympathy & moral support that she craves.
He gets upset, because she isn't appreciating his attempts to solve the problem.
Both are feeling uncared for.
Neither is understanding the other's needs.

If something goes wrong for me now, I might say to my husband, something like, such and such has upset / annoyed me, but I am not asking you to do anything about it, except to give me a hug..

WOW! PDM

I definately get into a fight weekly with my bf over that same stupid thing! Were both very proud people, so when something upsets me or I want some affection, its hard for me to tell him that outright. I will end up sulking about it, and then he gets mad and says something the opposite of loving and affectionate, and then I get mad, all because I want a hug but I don't want to tell him I want a hug, I want him to just hug me because he wants to. (if that makes any sense)

Maybe when I tell him something upsets me in this way, he won't get all defensive and aggrivated trying to fix it, but he'll just give me my hug...

Have a look at Gray's Venus ~& Mars website ~ you might find it interesting:

http://home.marsvenus.com/

I guess sometimes you really do have to ask for what you want clearly.

I mean if the person cares for you , I guess it wouldn't make the hug less genuine , guys maybe just don't think that way.

Marge let me know early in our relationship that she doesn't do hints. If I think or want something, I need to say it.

But I don't hold her to that. If she needs my encouragement, she gets it.

And I think she does for me, also.

When you care, the "rules" are just guidelines.

I don't think that it is a case of no spontaneous hugs, it's more a case of knowing how one's comments are likely to be interpreted.

And it's not just a male / female absolute.

I have done personality tests, where I come out very 'male' in some of my ways, & I know that I react in this male way.

know I do it, so I should try to put my knowledge to some use, but being aware doesn't always make one realise what one should be doing. For example, a number of people, when they have problems, often come to me. Often, of course, I cannot solve the problem ~ and that is what I will say ~ but I really need to realise that often these people just need a shoulder to cry on and maybe a hug ~ rather than a solution.