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#347682 - 01/19/09 03:28 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Is there anything happening soon that you could invite him to ~ a party or something?
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#347688 - 01/19/09 03:45 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
His birthday is in March mine is in May. He was actually talking about a party he was suppose to be going to the night of the company party but I was too shell shocked to ask him about it. I'm sure it's come and gone.

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#347719 - 01/19/09 05:35 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Is there something that you are both interested in that has an event on, or something like that.

Could you invite some friends round and include some from work ~ eg him?

Have a think!
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#347731 - 01/19/09 06:45 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
To be honest no. I mean I could plan something and invite everyone from work including him but I'd feel uncomfortable because I'd be sure that he would know why I was throwing the get together. Especially when it's not a holiday and I haven't ever invited to him anything besides my brother's b-day party which he said no to because he knew he'd be the only white guy there lol but thanks for trying to help! smile

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#347749 - 01/19/09 07:32 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
There is no comfortable way to say this so here goes:
The fact that this would be an interracial relationship puts a whole new light on the situation. Does he date sisters - does he know if you date white boys or not. This may be his hesitation. That, with the preception of you pulling back may have made him concerned that you are not sure of starting something more serious than a friendship.

just a thought
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Barbara

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#347766 - 01/19/09 08:15 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: BLR]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
Wow I never thought to include that because he gets along with everyone at work which is a mix of black, white and a few Japanese. I honestly don't know if he's ever dated someone black but if I had to guess I would say no. He definitely knows I date all different types of races because we had a habit of talking about celebrity crushes and my list was always varied ethnically.

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#347842 - 01/20/09 07:54 AM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Oh, yes,Elle, I agree with BLR, now you have said this.

I'm not suggesting that he is racist, because he obviously likes you and, as you say, he mixes with various cultures at work.

But think about this:
Originally Posted By: Elle
'I haven't ever invited to him anything besides my brother's b-day party which he said no to because he knew he'd be the only white guy there'


If he became your boyfriend, he might have to attend various family functions with you, where 'he knew he'd be the only white guy there'.

If this bothers him then this may be what is worrying him.

He may even worry that dating could lead to something more serious and be worried about the consequences ~ eg mixed-race offspring.

Maybe you need to have a quiet serious chat with him to sort things out about how he feels and how you can deal with it all.


Edited by PDM (01/20/09 08:00 AM)
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#347923 - 01/20/09 01:58 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
You know that does make sense. I guess because the race thing doesn't bother me at all I totally overlooked his uncomfortableness with it. The hard part would be assuming a conversation when I'm not even sure he likes me. I can't just be like " I think i know why you won't ask me out..it's my race isn't it?!" LOL

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#347926 - 01/20/09 02:06 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
This may sound familiar:
Just bite the bullet and ask him to go to coffee, a drink, a bite to eat. His response will tell you volumns. That was what I asked my flight instructor when I found myself really liking what I saw. He said he had to take a rain check because he was busy that night. WELLLLL he called me back a couple of days later and said he wanted to cash that rain check.

We have been married now for 20+ years.
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Barbara

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#347927 - 01/20/09 02:09 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
You don't know he is uncomfortable with it. It is just another factor in the whole equation.
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Barbara

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