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#347560 - 01/18/09 10:12 PM He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
So this whole thing started in summer 07 when I started my job at a company that shall go unnamed. Anyway I didn't like him at first but then I realized he was a cool guy and we became office friends ( meaning I didn't have his phone number or his email) but then I started liking him the last like 3 months of me working there. Our whole friendship was an odd dynamic because even though we were friends we treated each other like we hated each other. Even though he's like 5 years older than me we joked and teased each other good naturedly and he even made a nick name up for me which I pretended to hate but actually liked. The people we worked the closest with started teasing us about liking each other but I always denied it with a smile. Which was such a huge lie. lol And he never said anything when they teased us. One of his closest friends came into an area where him and I were working one day and said that he needed a girlfriend and then went about telling him the kind of girl that would be prefect for him and then asked me a question that made me wonder if she was trying to include me in the conversation.

Anyway at a company party, a few days before my last day of work there he came and sat beside me and his friend was smiling at us with this big grin but didn't say anything. Anyway when I left I gave everyone I talked to my contact info including him. I emailed him a few times and he always emailed back but he never emailed me first or called. So a few months after I had left, I emailed him (I know not the best way but I had no other way of contacting him) and told him I liked him. He said he was glad to hear from me and was flattered and that he respected our friendship. He didn't say anything else.

So we saw each other again almost 8 months later when I came back to start working there after I got settled in school. The first week we were being completely nice to each other because I think we were both scared of what the other was thinking or whatever. That quickly changed. Our relationship settled back into the teasing and picking fun of each other and he even started calling me the nickname he had made up for me by the second week. One time I was talking to him, teasing him about something and usually he's fast about making a quick comeback but he seemed to forget that he was suppose to be saying something and his eyes seemed different. Till this day I'm still wondering if I was imaging things. Anyway we always seem to run into each other at lunch, I'd be getting ready to go---because I went to school and he'd be coming in for lunch. We'd talk and he'd ask about my family and he'd asked me about how I viewed certain relationship actions or whatever i.e. fidelity. Anyway though I had planned on staying on with the company the company couldn't keep me on because the work was slow but I was still invited to the annual party at the end of the year. So I told him about this and being the good guy he is he was concerned about what I would do after or whatever. So I told him I was still going to the party.

So Anyway at the party I notice he isn't sitting with his crowd of friends, which normally at company functions he is. So one of my friends was sitting at the table he was sitting at so I sat down at that table as well. When a couple of my co-workers wanted me to go outside I agreed and as I walking by him I noticed his eyes followed me so when I looked back I noticed he was checking me out. So I smile to myself and go outside and then come back and sit down next to my friend. What threw me off the whole night and left me flailing at his attempts to start conversation was what my friend told me in the beginning of the night. My friend came with a friend from the office and she thought her friend liked the guy I liked and she thought he might like her as well. I was inclined to agree because the guy I like was originally sitting at the end of the table on the same side as me but when my friend's friend asked him to come sit next to her, which happened to be the seat located across from me at the table, he did. Well he didn't sit right next to her he put his jacket on the chair next to her and sat in the chair beside it but he was still across from me. That had me off kilter all night because I was still unsure if he was liking me or not but I was leaning more towards that maybe he did but then it felt like I was getting proof that he didn't. She seemed to always be trying to start conversations with him and he always answered her in this teasing way. So I noticed he was flirting with her. So anytime he tried to joke and start conversations with me I wasn't my usual quick response retort self and just smiled or smirked and said one word answers. And then when he learned forward and looked me right in my eyes I couldn't keep his eyes long because I was scared he would see I liked him when he obviously liked her so I avoided contact most of the night. I don't know why I asked but I asked if he had been outside and He said no and then asked if I wanted to go outside and I said sure AND invited the whole table. I still don't know why I did that. When we finally did go outside he was standing really close to me. I'm still trying to figure out if he was always that close or did I move or what. That was the maximum of our contact for that night. That doubt was planted in me and it just grew till the end of night where I felt like xxxx and was convinced he didn't like me and barely said good bye to him. We still talk via email. But I always email him first and then he responds.

What do you think?


Edited by PDM (01/19/09 03:43 AM)

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#347566 - 01/18/09 10:44 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
Welcome to the forum

Just bite the bullet and ask him to go to coffee, a drink, a bite to eat. His response will tell you volumns. That was what I asked my flight instructor when I found myself really liking what I saw. He said he had to take a rain check because he was busy that night. WELLLLL he called me back a couple of days later and said he wanted to cash that rain check.

We have been married now for 20+ years.
_________________________
Barbara

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#347567 - 01/18/09 10:45 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: BLR]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
btw - he is probably thinking you are sending mixed signals.
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Barbara

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#347568 - 01/18/09 10:47 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: BLR]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
Thank you for responding. Okay that's interesting. I'll take that. But why do you think he might be thinking I'm sending mixed signals when I've clearly told him I like him?


Edited by Elle (01/18/09 10:57 PM)

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#347570 - 01/18/09 11:14 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
Well when you asked the whole table to go outside. I would take that as a pull back.

The fact that you got pretty much toung (sp) tied when he talked with you at the party.

You know what was going on in your mind but he didn't. Also the fact that you would not look into his eyes. He was making a direct move and you side stepped. Like I said you know why you did it but he doesn't.
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Barbara

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#347581 - 01/19/09 02:14 AM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: BLR]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
I guess I can see from his stand point that maybe he perceived my actions as pulling away but I mean I did tell him I like him. Unless he thinks my feelings have changed in that time. Ugh! Who knows. Thanks for taking time to try and help me. wink

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#347586 - 01/19/09 03:48 AM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hi ~ welcome Elle smile

I must admit, his response to you telling him you liked him seems a bit odd, if he is interested in you romantically:

'He said he was glad to hear from me and was flattered and that he respected our friendship. He didn't say anything else.'

You say that he is five years older than you ~ and you mention working there and being at school (I'm guessing that means college rather than an actual school). I wonder if it's something to do with your ages. Could he be worried about being seen as a 'cradle snatcher' perhaps?? smile
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#347591 - 01/19/09 08:32 AM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
I know I was thinking the same thing about his email. It made me think that maybe I had been thinking this all in my head but there was just stuff I would catch him doing and people telling me he was doing like staring at me from across the room and my co-workers telling me that he would always look at me as he left the room or the way he ALWAYS found something to pick on me about regarding work. And he asked me if I thought a new co-worker was attractive. I don't know, it still confuses me. I'm starting to think that maybe I want him to like me so much that I'm putting my wants off on him. Talk about unfair.

Well when I first started working there I was 19, starting my first year of college and he was 24. Now I am 20, about to be 21 and he is 25. To me I don't see it as THAT big an age difference but maybe he does.


Edited by Elle (01/19/09 08:46 AM)

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#347598 - 01/19/09 10:03 AM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
It doesn't seem like a particularly big age difference ~ no.

Maybe he's just not 100% sure how you feel about him.

After all, I really 'like' a lot of people ~ it doesn't mean that I want to date them! smile

Maybe you need to clarify, to him, just exactly what you mean by 'like' and see, then, if he 'likes' you back! smile
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#347666 - 01/19/09 02:20 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
It took alot for me to put my self out there the first time because though I am a confident person, guys I like are my Kryptonite and although I didn't get the response I wanted I was able to dust myself off and be mature about it and still be friends with him. I just feel as though if I am able to put myself out there for him even when I wasn't sure of his feelings or his reaction he should be willing to do the same for me. So even if he does like me, maybe he doesn't like me enough to tell me how he feels and risk being rejected.


Edited by Elle (01/19/09 02:21 PM)

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#347682 - 01/19/09 03:28 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Is there anything happening soon that you could invite him to ~ a party or something?
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#347688 - 01/19/09 03:45 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
His birthday is in March mine is in May. He was actually talking about a party he was suppose to be going to the night of the company party but I was too shell shocked to ask him about it. I'm sure it's come and gone.

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#347719 - 01/19/09 05:35 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Is there something that you are both interested in that has an event on, or something like that.

Could you invite some friends round and include some from work ~ eg him?

Have a think!
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#347731 - 01/19/09 06:45 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
To be honest no. I mean I could plan something and invite everyone from work including him but I'd feel uncomfortable because I'd be sure that he would know why I was throwing the get together. Especially when it's not a holiday and I haven't ever invited to him anything besides my brother's b-day party which he said no to because he knew he'd be the only white guy there lol but thanks for trying to help! smile

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#347749 - 01/19/09 07:32 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
There is no comfortable way to say this so here goes:
The fact that this would be an interracial relationship puts a whole new light on the situation. Does he date sisters - does he know if you date white boys or not. This may be his hesitation. That, with the preception of you pulling back may have made him concerned that you are not sure of starting something more serious than a friendship.

just a thought
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Barbara

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#347766 - 01/19/09 08:15 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: BLR]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
Wow I never thought to include that because he gets along with everyone at work which is a mix of black, white and a few Japanese. I honestly don't know if he's ever dated someone black but if I had to guess I would say no. He definitely knows I date all different types of races because we had a habit of talking about celebrity crushes and my list was always varied ethnically.

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#347842 - 01/20/09 07:54 AM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Oh, yes,Elle, I agree with BLR, now you have said this.

I'm not suggesting that he is racist, because he obviously likes you and, as you say, he mixes with various cultures at work.

But think about this:
Originally Posted By: Elle
'I haven't ever invited to him anything besides my brother's b-day party which he said no to because he knew he'd be the only white guy there'


If he became your boyfriend, he might have to attend various family functions with you, where 'he knew he'd be the only white guy there'.

If this bothers him then this may be what is worrying him.

He may even worry that dating could lead to something more serious and be worried about the consequences ~ eg mixed-race offspring.

Maybe you need to have a quiet serious chat with him to sort things out about how he feels and how you can deal with it all.


Edited by PDM (01/20/09 08:00 AM)
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#347923 - 01/20/09 01:58 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
You know that does make sense. I guess because the race thing doesn't bother me at all I totally overlooked his uncomfortableness with it. The hard part would be assuming a conversation when I'm not even sure he likes me. I can't just be like " I think i know why you won't ask me out..it's my race isn't it?!" LOL

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#347926 - 01/20/09 02:06 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
This may sound familiar:
Just bite the bullet and ask him to go to coffee, a drink, a bite to eat. His response will tell you volumns. That was what I asked my flight instructor when I found myself really liking what I saw. He said he had to take a rain check because he was busy that night. WELLLLL he called me back a couple of days later and said he wanted to cash that rain check.

We have been married now for 20+ years.
_________________________
Barbara

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#347927 - 01/20/09 02:09 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
You don't know he is uncomfortable with it. It is just another factor in the whole equation.
_________________________
Barbara

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#347933 - 01/20/09 02:19 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: BLR]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
It's difficult ~ because there are so many potential factors.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#347936 - 01/20/09 02:22 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: BLR]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
I know. That's the problem. I don't know anything for sure. Guys are confusing lol Maybe I should just ask him somewhere where we can talk but I am just such a chicken. lol


Edited by Elle (01/20/09 02:23 PM)

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#347937 - 01/20/09 02:24 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
Originally Posted By: Elle
I know. That's the problem. I don't know anything for sure. Guys are confusing lol Maybe I should just ask him somewhere where we can talk but I am just such a chicken. lol


You know - that just might be the very reason he does not ask you out.
_________________________
Barbara

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#347938 - 01/20/09 02:25 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: BLR]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
What that I am a chicken or because I haven't asked him out? lol

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#347939 - 01/20/09 02:26 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
no silly - he might be chicken
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Barbara

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#347940 - 01/20/09 02:28 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: BLR]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
Nah, he doesn't seem the type. He's always so confident (maybe overly so) and most times is blunt about what he is thinking.

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#347944 - 01/20/09 02:38 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Ask him out!
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#347947 - 01/20/09 02:49 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
Okay I can't promise anything but I am seriously going to think about it. lol Thank both of you for your help! wink

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#347980 - 01/20/09 04:41 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Good luck! smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#354931 - 03/06/09 10:02 AM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Kelsey Offline
Good Friend

Registered: 11/17/07
Posts: 355
Loc: Illinois
I agree with the just biting the bullet and asking him out. Just because he comes across as confident, doesn't mean he actually is all of the time. there are so many factors that could stop him from thinking you are interested in him. Just go for it.

I know that this topic is an old one, so I don't know how much my response now will mean anything, but update us on what has happened since then! I hope everything has ended up well.

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#356172 - 03/14/09 08:06 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Kelsey]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
Hi Kelsey thanks for responding. Uh well here's an update. I have seen him lots of times since my last post since we work together but um I haven't told him anything. The one thing I will mention is that one of his friends just out the blue teased me about the shirt I was wearing and asked me if I was wearing it for the guy I like. I was totally shocked because I didn't even know that particular friend of his and we barely speak to each other. So I just smile and laugh it off. The guy I like is being his same old self nagging and picking with me for apparently no reason. He has started emailing me though. he always ask me about my family and how school is going.

His birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I wanted to make him a copy of my Motown collection since he likes old school music but most of the songs are about love or heart ache and I don't want him to think I am trying to send him a message. I am just so stuck on what to get him. It's either that or a Barnes and nobles gift card or a charity gift card or just a card. Any ideas?

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#356182 - 03/14/09 09:12 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Go with what your heart tells you smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#373890 - 07/03/09 10:01 AM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
Another update. So he's going away to a place that shall go unnamed for the summer..maybe longer. he leaves next week actually. His best friend gave him a going away party and so he invited me. He finally gave me his number. his friends were super nice to me and are really cool people. But I really didn't expect anything less because he's a really good guy.I had such a great time we talked easily and laughed alot..but I always laugh when I am with him.They had guitar hero or something it's called. So he taught me how to play the different instruments and he sung and dedicated "the eye of the tiger to me", during the part where just the beat was playing he said "I dedicate this song to "my name", my eye of the tiger." I'm not sure what that means, though.His best friend's wife started taking pictures so he came and sat beside me and she told him to put his arm around me, so he did rather fast and awkwardly though lol I was too stunned to smile. So I don't think the picture came out great, though I never saw it. But he kept trying to take a picture of me with his cell phone but for some reason him having a jacked up picture of me on his phone was not high on my to do list so I blocked every time he tried to take a picture and laughed and told him cell phones take xxxxxx pictures of people. He stopped trying. Then I thought maybe I should have just let him take the stupid picture. Ugh I can be retarded sometimes.

Later in the evening his friend joked that we should play spin the bottle but his wife and I were the only females there. And his wife was like yeah that will happen. And I laughed. The guy I liked was like yeah we should play spin the bottle and then he looked over at me and smiled. I gave him a look like "yeah right" and he laughed. He has a jacked up sense of humor. lol

It was really late when my friend decided he wanted to leave so of course I followed suit. He offered me a ride to the metro but not before he said something about eating too much candy and that now he was going to be up for the rest of the night.

The drive to the metro was filled with us bantering about the choice of song on the radio but the goodbye was awkward. I wanted to hangout longer but was too chicken to ask because it was after 12:00 a.m. and and I had already spent five hours with him.He asked if I had a good time and I told him I did and mumbled a quick keep in touch. And that was that! And now I am more confused than ever! frown



Edited by PDM (07/03/09 08:12 PM)

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#373994 - 07/03/09 06:10 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Elle]
Niki Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 12/05/05
Posts: 1720
Loc: New York
Greetings! I've read your posts. I hope I'm not leaping into your discussion unwarranted.

I have to agree with everyone's opinion that this gentleman likes you. From what you've said above, I can see some obvious clues. Sometimes even just saying "I'll be up all night!" can be an invitation to spend more time with you.

I used to be a traditionalist when it came to men. I demanded they be the man and ask me out, be the first to kiss, yada yada. Until I met my now husband. Haha. I've been quite the assertive one since day one, and was his first kiss. Sometimes it pays off to be the one to push the envelope.

You say that he doesn't seem the type to be chicken.. but I'm not so sure. I have a former co-worker who is the most sarcastic, teasing, violent guy I know. For the first 2 years of knowing him, I always thought he was pretty seductive when it came to women and very assertive. I've known him 4 years now or so, and was astonished to find out that not only is he extremely shy with women, but was a virgin until just recently. I was shocked. But looking back in retrospect, the sarcasm, the teasing, the show-off attitude is easily a cover up for me. They can act assertive because they have to,but deep inside, they're scared!

Anyway. Yeah... unfortunately with this going away for the summer thing.. it seems like it'll be a while until you talk to him again. But I think when he does get back, it'll open up a big window for you. What if he missed you? wink
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#374010 - 07/03/09 08:15 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Niki]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Can you see him before he goes ~ just to say goodbye and have a coffee, perhaps?
Can you keep in touch over the summer ~ letters/ emails / facebook etc?
It does seems that he likes you, so, if you like him too, it would be a shame to lose touch.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#374012 - 07/03/09 08:52 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: Niki]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
Nikki,
Thank you soo much for trying to help me. I love your wedding photo by the way. Yeah one of my friends told me that she thinks that when he said he was going to be up the rest of the night that he was trying to let me know he wanted to hangout longer....but if he was I totally missed it. lol Ugh. It just seems like we both some how drop the ball when we are together. He's too scared and maybe he's too scared or not interested. I'm not exactly sure which it is.



Edited by Elle (07/03/09 08:56 PM)

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#374013 - 07/03/09 08:55 PM Re: He's Sending Serious Mixed Signals [Re: PDM]
Elle Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/18/09
Posts: 18
PDM,

Thanks for responding. We can definitely keep in touch I have his email, his cell and his Myspace. He's suppose to be getting facebook before he leaves because his best friend said it was my job to make sure he gets one before he leaves (I honestly don't know why he thinks I have more influence over him then he does when his best friend has known him way longer than I have.) But anyway I talked to him about getting Facebook and he said he would. I mean I probably could see him before he leaves but that would involve me asking him to hangout. If he wanted to see me wouldn't he ask me?

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