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#361969 - 04/19/09 08:55 PM Do's and do not's in a situation like this
xXMidnightflyby Offline
New Member

Registered: 04/19/09
Posts: 1
Okay, where to start.....

So just last night I went to watch a basketball tournament that my cousin was playing in {he's older than me but the youngest one on the team.}
I'll just use the names Zach and Jake for now.

The first game---
So I was sitting with some of the other players family but there was one family I was sitting next to in particular. We'll call him Jake for now, and I'll go ahead and admit, Jake is pretty attractive. So I was sitting next to Jake's parents and Jake had been sitting next to my cousin earlier. It seemed like they were pretty good friends. Jake got plenty of playing time in the first game, so when my cousin wasn't playing I would cheer for him. His parents were really nice, but they were really intense about him playing basketball. I very rarely saw him glance over our way when he was on the bench, I didn't know if he was looking at his parents or over my way. So I just lightly cheered for him the rest of the game, and I would occasionally look over to the bench only to see Zach{the other guy}staring my way. He was doing the whole, 'As soon as I make eye contact with you then I'll pretend I wasn't looking' deal. At halftime I went and to the bathroom and when I came back out Zach was at the water fountain with my cousin and they were just chatting about the game. As I passed by I tried not to look back at the two, but I was wondering if Zach was staring again, he was. The second half passed by quickly for me, and then Jake's parents saw someone they knew that was about to leave. They politely asked me if I could give Jake his gatorade after the game while they went to talk to whoever, and I obliged. I didn't really know how to say no. So the game ended, and they won so I went to find Jake before he left the court. I finally got to him and handed him his gatorade, and he just smiled flirtily and thanked me. I just smiled back at him, and told him good game. We kind of just clicked and started talking about the game for a minute or two. Now onto the second game. {After talking with his parents I learned that he was a junior this year and I'm a freshmen- highschool.}


The second game--
This time I was sitting by myself and everything was going extremely well until the end of the game. The end of the game was really close. The team won, it was a really tough team they were playing aganist so needless to say it was really high spirited after the game. My cousin came to say bye to me and I gave him a hug, then out of nowhere another guy{Zach} on his team came over to me and put his arm around my shoulders. I just kind of blew it off, not really caring at that moment. I saw him play earlier and I thought he was a good player and all, but I didn't know anything about him. So Zach smiled down at me and just winked, his arm still around my shoulder, this was going by quickly so I didn't really know how to react and was just a little shocked. Another thing was that we didn't say a word to each other the whole time, but I could tell he was looking at me, I was blushing so I didn't dare look up. {we were still on the side of the court while this was happening and the next teams were beginning to warm up.} So Zach went outside for something, and my cousin came back over. He basically told me, "Don't mess with him." in a nice way and then he just walked off. It wasn't like a mean warning but more of a small warning that was in my favor I guess. I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that, but I did go through all the possibilities in my head. So I just stood for a while with the team, and I glanced around and saw that Jake was looking my way, and he looked sad, but mostly hurt though. So that kind of struck up a guilty note for me, and I really wasn't trying to flirt with Zach at all. I steeped outside to try and clear my head and then my pan was to come back inside and find Jake. {Let me just add that Zach also was either a junior or a senior. So these two are both really tall and basically the same build.} So I ended up waiting for the team outside since they had all gone to the locker room to have a 'team meeting.'


Outside--
So the whole team came out, and they were all in a little group but they were blocking the road. I went to give my cousin a final goodbye, and I looked for both Jake and Zach. What I saw surprised me. They were as far apart as possible and both seemed to be really ticked off. Jake saw me and he just kept a neutral face but gave me a small wave which I returned. The team had begun walking to the bus and Zach kind of trailed behind and he still didn't say goodbye to me yet. Zach's goodbye was much more, uh, akward. He came up beside me and lifted me up off the ground in a huge hug, which I wasn't expecting, so I screamed bloody murder. I then realized it was him, so I immeadiately stopped, but he had already put me down and was apologizing profusely. I stopped him by putting my hand over his mouth, and taking a few deep breaths so I could regain composure. I told him I was sorry about the screaming and that I didn't expect that, but he continued to apologize. So I didn't know what to do besides smile and just accept his many apologies. By now, the whole team was almost to the bus and he was going to get left behind if he didn't leave. In the spur of the moment he leaned down and kissed my cheek then whispered in my ear that he would make it up to me at the party and said a small goodbye before he ran off. Now, what he has to make up to me... I have no idea.


Now the problem is, I have to go to a huge party for the whole team in around two and a half months. I really like both of these guys, and I don't know what to do. My cousin is frriends with both of them, but he warned me about Zach for reasons unknown to me and I know for a fact that he and Jake aren't really really good friends. Also since Zach said he would make it up to me, I'm kind of nervous about the party and I don't really know what to expect. As for Jake I still feel really bad about the whole Zach and his random moment of affection, because I know he saw us. But like I wasn't really doing anything wrong right? I don't want to hurt either of them. I think my feelings for Jake are a little stronger than my feelings for Zach but I'm just not sure at this point. I need help, I'm kind of worried about this party, and I don't know how it's going to be with Zach, Jake, and I all at the same party. Plus my overprotective cousin{s} will be there, and these guys are a few years older than me. This is still shocking me a bit. ADVICE/HELP PLEASE?!

Sorry for the longness.


Edited by xXMidnightflyby (04/19/09 08:58 PM)

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#362005 - 04/20/09 06:14 AM Re: Do's and do not's in a situation like this [Re: xXMidnightflyby]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hello Midnightflyby. Welcome smile

I don't know ages in the American system, but I just checked some Internet sites and it seems that freshmen are 9th graders & can be aged 14-16. High School juniors are 11th graders, apparently, so I'm guessing that you are about 15 and these boys are about 17.

My daughter is 15 and I would be nervous about her dating an older boy ~ even only two years older. Some 17 year old boys might expect more of a relationship than a 15 year old girl is ready for. Some, for example, might expect a sexual relationship. This is why some male brothers and cousins, who know what the boys are like, are very protective of their younger female relatives. (If the age on consent is 16, a sexual relationship between a 15 year old & a 17 year old would be illegal.)

From what you say, both of these boys may be attracted to you. You seem to have been drawn to 'Jake', but enjoy the attention of 'Zach'.

Your decision needs to be based upon both what what your mind and your heart are telling you ~ and on what your cousin knows and your parents would be happy with.

Reading between the lines, I'm guessing that you might be happier with Jake???

Whatever you do, be careful. You should probably be grateful for those over-protective cousins. They could be very helpful to you ~ introducing you to nice boys and protecting you from the not-so-nice ones. Why don't you have a chat with them & find out what "Don't mess with him" actually means ~ and whether they would say the same about 'Jake'?:)
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#363303 - 04/28/09 02:50 PM Re: Do's and do not's in a situation like this [Re: PDM]
Ritsuka Tommy Offline
Companion

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 126
Hi Midnightflyby,

From personal experience, I would say that I just want you to be careful around these guys. Ma'am PDM is right when she says that older guys might expect sexual things that a younger girl is not ready for. All I can say is: been there, done that, and wish I could undo it. I'm not saying that all guys are... demanding, if that's the right word, but I'm just saying that their current ages, these guys mind think with their hormones and not with their heads and hearts.

As far as choosing between them goes, that is power that lies in your hands. Follow your heart and make decisions based on what you feel or what you think is right.
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"My name is my law"

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#363562 - 04/29/09 05:04 AM Re: Do's and do not's in a situation like this [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Thanks Ashes smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#364051 - 05/01/09 10:02 AM Re: Do's and do not's in a situation like this [Re: PDM]
Ritsuka Tommy Offline
Companion

Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 126
It's a pleasure ^^
_________________________
"My name is my law"

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#364056 - 05/01/09 10:40 AM Re: Do's and do not's in a situation like this [Re: Ritsuka Tommy]
NanaT Offline
Companion

Registered: 02/26/09
Posts: 138
Loc: Utah
In my opinion, you don't have to choose. You are only "15" and nothing says you can't like both of them. Choosing only makes it more serious, something you don't need at this time in your life. Have fun! Be friends with both. Let them know you like them both and if and when your parents feel its ok to date, date them both. You will like lots of different guys during the next 5 years so don't make it a big deal. If they like you for you, it won't be a problem for them either. If they just want to hook up, you are better off with neither!
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