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#377532 - 07/28/09 08:27 PM Tubal ligation...?
Puds Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 05/16/09
Posts: 534
I am looking for advice, help or even stories!

I have been waiting for a tubal ligation for about a year now. I never made a appointment, but now my doctor has stopped practicing. I am going to a new Gyno- and i am really worried about....well her saying no to the procedure. My other doctor never told me i could get it done, he just kind of agreed that it was the best choice for me.
This has been on my mind for a long while. Ever since i was little i knew i never wanted children. I am getting married soon, and nothing has changed. Justin is ok knowing we will not have children of our own. When my sister has 5 well....we can just borrow hers! laugh I have severe anxiety issues, depression etc. I cannot handle loud noises, i just cannot.

I have researched it for a long time, and i know there are HUGE problems for the younger you are. I just feel i need a permanent form of birth control. I get sick and vomit on the pill, no one will do internal BC on me for various reasons(born with a birth defect that some doctors never heard of!). I am currently on Ortho evra, but OUCH it hurts like hell and i worry about it every day, every hour, if not minute.

Anyone of you ladies have any experience with this form of permanent BC? I would like to hear the good bad and the ugly, if you can tell.
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#377533 - 07/28/09 08:52 PM Re: Tubal ligation...? [Re: Puds]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
I had a tubal ligation when I was pretty young. I have never regretted it. You will have to tell the doctor why you want it. He will have counter questions to your answers. In my circumstance he asked me what will happen if I remarry and want to have children by my new husband. I told him that if he did not want to adopt then I would not want to raise "his child" with my children.

Something else to consider, it is the best thing for you to get the permanent BC because it is you that does not want to have children. In the case of your soon to be husband ever remarrying and wanting to have children he can do that.

As for as the proceedure it is safe and quite painless. I went back to work on Monday after having the proceedure on Friday. You will still have your periods, and still have all the risks and problems of an intact female. By that I mean PMSing and Menapause. Oh well nothing is perfect.

Be honest with your doctor about how you feel about having kids. The younger you are the more the doctor wants to be sure that you have thought this out.

I hope you do not live in Kansas.

Good luck.

_________________________
Barbara

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#377534 - 07/28/09 08:55 PM Re: Tubal ligation...? [Re: BLR]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
PS - it might be helpful if Justin goes with you to insure the doctor understands that you are both on board with this.
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Barbara

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#377536 - 07/28/09 09:10 PM Re: Tubal ligation...? [Re: Puds]
joandboys Offline
Soulmate

Registered: 08/26/07
Posts: 2101
Loc: New York
Before I tell you about the personal experience, I would only advise that you make sure the doctor you choose is extremely good in his field and has a good record with no law suits etc.

I would also make sure that he explains the entire proceedure to you. For instance is he going to tie the tubes or cut and tie your tubes. I will tell you why I believe this is important.

My mother had the proceedure in the late 50's and the doctor she used cut the tubes but cut them so short that reconstructive surgery could not be done on one of them when she later changed her mind and wanted another baby.

She had it done originally because in those days, they thought a woman having cesarean sections could not have more than three with out endangering her health. Later in the 1960's her current doctor thought differently.

My mother was one of the first known reconstructive surgeries for the repair of tubes and was successful in conceiving and giving birth.

I realize that you want to have this proceedure done and do not want it reversed,however, should your health picture change there is nothing that would prevent the reversal should you want it if the original proceedure is done properly.

Another reason for cutting and tieing the tubes is that I have heard of tubes coming untied when they were not cut and a woman becoming pregnant.

I agree with the other poster, most Doctors have no problem with this proceedure if you have thought it through thoroughly and there is not a healthier alternative.
_________________________

Cookie and Sweetie

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#377537 - 07/28/09 09:22 PM Re: Tubal ligation...? [Re: BLR]
Charlett Offline
Friend

Registered: 03/19/07
Posts: 239
Loc: NC
I had a tubal 13 years ago when I had my daughter(3rd child, I was 24 at the time). I had her by C-section so I dont know what the procedure is to do it normally. I would have love to have more children but I had so many problems it was just too risky for me. I had and still have a hard time adjusting to never having more children and it has been 13 years. But if this is something that you are sure about, then I would have all your medical records transfered to you new gyn, and then talk to him/her and explain how strongly you feel about it.

It can be difficult to get a doctor to agree since you dont have any children. In some states you have to have at least 2 children before they will tie your tubes. And in some there is also an age requirement. Many years ago in WV it was 2 kids and 21 years old.

I personally would have taken a hystorectomy instead, but they refused. My monthy cycle are horrible, I become anemic, and have had to emergency surgery due to hemmoriaging. They still wont take it all out, and I cant even have kids anymore. So you may have a challenge ahead of you. It would make it easer if there was a medical reason for it. Since your other doctor said it was the best choice for you maybe there is something he wrote down on your charts that will help the new gyn come to the same conclusion. Since you have a birth defect, will that make child birth more dangerous for you? Does this defect put your future children at risk as well?

Best of luck
_________________________
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.-- Marie Curie

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#377542 - 07/28/09 09:49 PM Re: Tubal ligation...? [Re: Charlett]
Puds Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 05/16/09
Posts: 534
Wow, what a nice collection of answers! I will start trying to answer them as a total. I am 21 engaged for one year to the love of my life...errr past 10 years living in PA. Justin is behind me, and supports our decision of no children. My Birth defect is (small chance) heriditary. But my mental prblems are much greater a issue. I had my first panic attack on November 24 2004 i was 16. I know this because my first nephew was born on this date. Prior to that i have alreay cut and burned myself for about ...5 years.. yeah. 5. On november 24 of that year things umm, went major down hill.

I went to about 30 doctors in a few months who probed me and poked me, only to send me to a new doctor. They blamed things on my birth defect on other issues...anything to get me out of their office. I know that had my mother listened to me, things would have been treated better at that time. Fast forward to the past 2 years. I have attempted suicide twice, been hospitalized three times, and have had severe withdrawl from my perscriptions just to be put on new stronger ones. ff to now, and i am "healed" but some scars will never heal. I have a severe sensitivity to any kind of loud persistant sound. (you can leave a keet in their cage and go outside and sit. a baby you cannot.) I cannot handle any kind of stress or demand put on me. to some extent yes, but i need to plan my day. I wake at 630 andi could give you a minute by minute run down of what i do, and when.

I baby sit my sisters kids and almost always have a panic attack, i cannot handle the stress and the OCD worrys that they place on me. Children are a blessing YES but for me, i know would ruin my patched together life. I feel i would hurt myself, and lord grant only my self!

I just found out last year that i could have children. My entire life i was raised being told by all the doctors i could not carry a child to term. Also i just started a sexual relationship around the same time. So imagine that bomb being dropped OMG.

Women have children to fullfil a need, or to bring together/ complete a family. I trust Maslows needs very much. I always ask how can i care for a baby if somedays i am so depressed i cannot leave my bed. How can i care for a child when i am still in basic needs. (more info) http://www.cit.gu.edu.au/~davidt/self-actualisation.htm


I often think about when i am "healed" when i am no longer depressed etc. I feel i will still have the same thoughts. I never ever wanted children, my sister has 5 i can borrow one of them for a night LOL. Also pets give me the "returned" love that i feel a child (even just a little?) would.

_________________________

New pics soon smile

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#377547 - 07/28/09 10:22 PM Re: Tubal ligation...? [Re: Puds]
Charlett Offline
Friend

Registered: 03/19/07
Posts: 239
Loc: NC
I too suffer from depression and have since my early teenage years. My mother is bipolar and both of my sisters also suffer from it at varying degrees. My grandmother and great grandmother also suffered from it,to the extent of electric shock therapy. I worry so much about my daughters. I have always been very open with them about my depression. I want them to understand what it is so hopefully thier lives will be easier.

I totally understand the worries that come from this and children. My depression worsened after having children. If it wasnt for my husband I just couldnt have made it through it. The thoughts of hurting my children never entered my mind, but there were many times my own life was at risk. Now that my children are older(19, 15, and 13)I can focus on myself a little more so things have gotten easier. But those early years were difficult to say the least. I was greatful that I breast fed, because if I would have had to get up to get I bottle I dont know how I would have managed. There were times my husband took weeks off from work to watch me.

If you explain your fears to your doctor maybe they can help you. Also you are still very young. I have been where you are now. It does get better and easier. Its just a long road. I love my children and never regretted my choice to have them, no matter how hard times got. But I had to make the decision not to have anymore kids. It wasnt healthy for me and it would have been so unfare to my husband and other children. My depression got worse after each child and I really dont think I could have mentally handled baby number 4. I dont doubt my husband would have been raising the kids alone. But it still bothers me at times when I see babies or a pregnant woman. My niece just had a baby a few days ago and that was hard for me. But I know I made the right decision. And that is what you have to do. Do what is right for you. And everything will work out.

_________________________
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.-- Marie Curie

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#385046 - 09/21/09 07:09 PM Re: Tubal ligation...? [Re: Puds]
Love My Budgies Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 11/17/08
Posts: 572
Loc: Midwest
First of all, just wanted to say I think it is highly commendable that you know what you want (or in this case, don't) and are taking precautions to make sure an accident doesn't happen! smile
When I went "shopping around" for BC and explored this option, I was told doctors in my state would not do one on a young woman (under 35) with no children because they fear a lawsuit should you change your mind, it carries too many risks, requires you to be put under, insurance does not cover it & it is expensive, plus it isn't always effective, and tubes can grow back together. Case in point, my ex-boyfriend's sister had 4 kids, three of which occurred after having her tubes cut & tied by different doctors after each of the first 3 pregnancy! shocked
I cannot help but wonder, if your fiance is on the same page, why he wouldn't get a vasectomy? It takes 15-20 minutes in a doctor's office with only a local, is 100% covered by insurance, can be reversible, carries very little risk, and he'd be back to his usual self within a day or two? While natural reversal can also happen with this method, your fiance could take a sperm count every year and insurance would cover it, which would alleviate any anxiety.
Also, if your BC is causing you pain and anxiety, I would switch to something else ASAP.
A great argument for doctors no matter what method you choose, is to say you prefer to adopt, that many children are in need of loving homes, should you change your mind later down the road.
Regarding your anxiety, depression, and sensitivity to noise-have you ever been diagnosed as an Emotional or Intuitive Empath? Something you may want to check out is Judith Orloff's book Positive Energy. It has been helpful to me. Here is more info & a quiz on her website...
http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Free-Articles/emotional-empath-EF.htm
(((Hugs)))
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#385070 - 09/21/09 08:57 PM Re: Tubal ligation...? [Re: Love My Budgies]
Puds Offline
Long Time Friend

Registered: 05/16/09
Posts: 534
Oh wow, thank you for that link. Its simply amazing, and really fits me to a t. Its a little scary reading and relating to my self. A bit like someone was watching me too much. I have never ever heard of it. If someone made mention of my "weird" behavior i would always tell them that i am sick, and i cannot control somethings. That was always what i have said....but hmmmmm maybe i need to change it arond a little

I have considered letting my Fiance get a Vasectomy, but it does not seem right. At this point in life he works, goes to school and helps out at his folks house. He is always supporting me, and helping me get throuh everyday. I feel that asking him to take on one more thing is too much. I feel life, and i have already put so much stress and responsibility on him. He wakes at 7 and then comes home anywhere from 5-6 to supper and then does homework, or goes over to his parents help to help them upkeep their house. He does not have enough time to do the things he likes, or enjoys.

Him taking even two days off is not really going to happen, we cannot afford that or the set back. Also it really (say really 10 times) hurts me to see him in pain. I can handle my own physical pain and toils, but i feel horrible when he is down and hurting. Its hard for me to function, and i just want to be with him. He shoos me away because my level of anxiety makes him feel horrible and raises his frown

Also he has horrible insurance. We have tried everything to get him on state funded stuff, but his parents make too much. They refuse to drop him from their insurance because then they do not get a certian discount or somethign. We will not fight his parents...they are bitches enough with them liking us >,<. It ould be full out of pocket cash if we decided to do the vasectomy. With him working and going to school, we cannot afford those expences.

For current times, i did go off my birth control, i found a DR who will place a IUD. Good old fashoned abstinence is working now, but um....down the line things will change.

I cannot get a TL until i am 25 so i am going to use the IUD, as long as the side effects are OK, till that time.


Thanks for the input!

Charlett I am really sorry to hear that things did get worse, i hope that you enjoy he you time available. And Hubbys are great! You have to love love love the ones that really do stay for better or worse smile Some they are just words, others it really is a commitment and life long love :):)):) I am so happy you found that!

_________________________

New pics soon smile

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#385080 - 09/21/09 09:51 PM Re: Tubal ligation...? [Re: Puds]
MgateTina Offline
Companion

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 164
Loc: Southern New Jersey
I had a Tubal Ligation after my 2nd child. I was 28 years old, and I had an emergency c-sec with my 1st son, and a planned C-sec with my 2nd son. I also have serious problems with my cervix, and will probably have to have a hysterectomy by the time I am 35.. (i am 32 now) When I was prego with my 2nd son, i spoke with my Dr about having my tubes tied during my c-sec.. he said no problem. I had to sign papers that were a consent for the state in which I live. I would only have been able to have had 1 more child & my chances of that baby carrying to full term were slim, as my ob-gyn will not peerform more than 3 c-secs on a woman, and I can not give birth the normal way.. (i would die) So, I had to consent to being "fixed" & Had my tubes tied at 28, but then again that was after having 2 kids, and also, my husband is older then me, and chances of birth defect (god forbid) became higher, we had too many risks with having a 3rd bab.. or shall I say 4th.. my husband has a daughter from his first marriage. I can say this.. There are times I kind of regret it, I woul've liked to have had another baby, and then reality kicks in that I may not have had a full-term healthy baby & I know I did the right thing.

I think a permanent fix for you you may regret down the line, but maybe not, only you know you. I do know that most states, as well as doctors will not perform the procedure on a young woman with no children.. Have you thought about the IUD?

I also want to say that I have been treated for my anxiety since i was 10, and currently suffer from MAJOR anxiety & depression. I can relate to Char when it comes to the depression getting worse after kids.. after my 2nd son i the had a very hard time, I find iit hard to go back to work these days... It is awful what anxiety does to me. But the selfish part of me did want children. I just knew I couldn't mentally & PHYSICALLy handlemore then what I had!


Edited by MgateTina (09/21/09 09:57 PM)
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