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#387648 - 11/02/09 03:18 AM Hi guys, I'd appreciate some words of experience.
MegaMike Offline
New Member

Registered: 11/02/09
Posts: 3
Loc: Florida United States
Ok, before you get started I just want to say that by the time I'm done typing this it will probably be 10 miles long, so I apologize ahead of time, but I can promise you a semi entertaining story if you stick around long enough to read it. By the way, I have not had a girlfriend in nearly 5 years so I just spent about two hours reading tips on this website about dating, etc.

I will also start by telling you all I will be turning 19 on Feb 12th, and the girl I am getting involved with is turning 16 sometime soon, I know that raises some flags but mine and her family are allready good with us bieng together, so that should'nt be an issue, and I'm not the typical teen-aged guy who is attracted more to good looks than a attractive personality. Normally I would not be interested in someone that young, 15 is a complicated age for a girl, I understand, and I know that me saying she doesnt seem like other girls her age sounds pretty cliche, but I'm not really kidding when I say she acts like girls four or five years older than herself. With that set aside, I will get started.

I will start from the VERY beggining, before we met, how we met, and where I want this to go.

My school has an annual Autum Festival, it is held in one off the softball fields outside the school itself. I'm a senior in high school so I had the responsibility of running one of the many booths that were open during the festival, my job was to collect the money from people who were paying to do the football toss, and the basketball throw, I was also running the arm wresteling booth, in which I would arm wrestle anyone who thought they could beat me, it costed one dollar to arm wrestle me, and if they won they would get two sodas of their choice. The night went on, I collected money and let a few elementry level kids beat me at arm wrestleing so I didnt look bad, also beat pretty much anyone my size who would come up and challenge me, I also caught the eye of this girl as well, but at the time I did not know.

About an hour goes by, I leave my booth because my arm is tired and I want to mingle with some friends, so I started walking through the open field. I begin to pass a small group of people, and as I walk by, some guy asks me " Do you give away free hugs? " with a smile on his face. To those of you who are wondering, yes, he is gay, but no I did not know he was gay at the time. A cute girl who was standing in the back of the group with a red face gets pushed in my direction, she turns around and tries to tell her friends she doesnt want a hug ( She was pretty embarassed, though at the time I didnt know it. ) I quickly look the group over, and say "Sure, who wants a hug?" The blushing girl looks at me, smiles, and sais " Awww! thanks! " in a happy sort of way, I felt pretty good myself too. Well, she turns back to the group of her friends after the hug, and a friend of mine who was standing in the same group of people walks up to me and tells me the guy that asked if I gave away free hugs was gay, and me bieng the homophobe I am, just walked away as fast as I could (I'm not trying to offend anyone, but I am a bit homophobic.) I find my friends, and tell them about the gay guy and the hug, and we all just laugh about it. The festival ends, but the night goes on.

I get home, take a shower ( I was dirty and probably didnt smell that good after a hot night of constant arm wresteling. ) and put on some different cloths, spray them over with some cologne, me and some friends go out to a dance at the town civic center. We get there before everyone else almost, there were maybe 10 or 15 people there when we showed up ( Not that many ). It seems really boring at first because no one was really there, so I start to consider leaving, but dont. I hang around for a while, drink a few sodas, talk with my friends, etc. I'm sitting at the edge of the dance floor with my friends watching all these people dance, and I notice the gay guy from the festival is there danceing, and wow this guy is DANCEING. We cant really help but laugh at some of the stuff this guy pulls off on the floor. The song ends, and I get up to walk over to get a soda out of the cooler on the other end of the building. On my way to the cooler, the gay guy comes up to me and asks me if I would dance with his cousin, you must understand that I was incredibly uncomfortable, the guy was less than a foot away from me, asking me if I would dance with a family member of his. I had to assume he was talking about another man, so I instinctively said " I would really rather not " he was pretty persistant in trying to talk me into danceing with this cousin, but I keep saying no. He doesnt take no for an answer, literally. The guy takes me by the hand, marches me over to this cute girl on the edge of the dance floor, takes her hand, and introduces us. Turns out his cousin was the same girl that I hugged at the festival earlier that night.

At this point he puts my arms around her waist and her arms around my neck, I'm as red as a beat because I've locked eyes with one of the most attractive girls I could meet, and she was just as shy as I was. The gay guy, who I will from now on refur to as Jordan, walks to the side of the dance floor and watches us from afar. A soft song was playing, so we started to rock from side to side softly moving to the music. It was the first time in my life I had ever danced, so my mind was focused on " Am I doing ok...? Does she think I'm doing ok..? " I was more nervous than I had ever been in my whole life. I looked at her and said " I'm so sorry, he just walked me over and this is what happened " She looked at me and said it was ok with a big smile on her face, the whole time I had an ear to ear grin as well. I told her that it was my first time danceing and I really didnt know what I was doing, and she laughed than said it was also her first time and not to worry about it, which really made me feel a lot more comfortable than I had been feeling, lol. We maintain eye contact through most of the song, and dance like that for about 3 minutes, just gently moving back and forth to the music.

The song ends, and we both walk over to the edge of the dance floor, take a seat, and we just talk to eachother for the next 10 minutes. We exchange names, and talk about what we like about eachother's physical appaerances and such, she comments on my eyes, I comment on her hair, etc, it all goes pretty dang good. By the time the next song starts we decide it was to loud in the building for us to talk, so I ask her if she wants to walk outside with me so we can get to know eachother better. We do, and we talk for the next 45 minutes, learning about eachother. I wont go into detail about what we talked about, lets just say that by the end of the night, we both knew we enjoyed eachother's company. Before we leave, I get a picture of us outside the building together, and we exchange phone numbers.

That was the end of my Friday night.

Saturday, late in the afternoon me and a group of friends decide to go trick-or-treating. ( I know I'm a little old, but we didnt have anything else to do so we figured it would be fun, lol. ) We do that for about 2 hours, than we start to drop people off back at their houses. Me and two of my best friends decide to go to the house that girl lives at that I met at the festival and danced with at the dance. We stay there for about five hours, get to know eachother a little better, play on her nintendo wii for a bit, and basicly just have an all around great time, fun laughs, the whole package. Everyone was happy. The time comes for us to leave, it was around midnight, me and the girl are standing on her front porch, looking into eachothers eyes, and instead of kissing goodbye we hug for about 20 seconds ( Long hug, I know. ), I dont want to jump into the relationship that much on the second day of knowing the girl, right?

Thats how my Saturday night went, and now its Sunday night, didnt get to do anything with her today, but thats allright.

I'll get to the real point of this post now, I have made plans for us next weekend, if she is free, of course. I plan on us going out to a local bowling alley for an afternoon/night of fun with friends. I would pay for everything, including her food, etc. I dont have problems asking a girl to go out with me to some place, I do however have problems with conversations, like many guys do. She is just as shy as I am, so she wont likely be making any of the first moves either, so I'm pretty sure it's up to me whether we become an official item next weekend, and that is what I plan on doing, asking her out. I would greatly appreciate any relationship advice that is appropriate for first dates, and a creative way of asking her out would be nice, its a week away so I have time to think up some topics, but any outside help is welcomes, which is ultimately why I am posting this, so I can hear your voices.

So, what could we talk about? What should I do as far as physical contact? She is comfortable with me having my arm around her, she likes to rest her head on my shoulder apparently, is that all we should really do at this point? How should I "ask her out" ? I dont just want to say " Wanna go out with me? " ya know, I want it to be a memorable night, etc. I pretty much allready know she will say yes, which is why I'm not really worried about asking her out as much as how I should ask her out, etc.

If you have any questions that would help you help me, than feel free to ask.
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#387649 - 11/02/09 04:27 AM Re: Hi guys, I'd appreciate some words of experience. [Re: MegaMike]
Carl Offline
Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 05/27/06
Posts: 5173
Loc: Gator Country, Florida - USA
I'm sorry you consider yourself homophobic, MegaMike. My daughter is gay, and I've known and liked many gays. It doesn't rub off.

As far asking the 15-year out, I'm aware that in a few years, a four-year age difference will seem of little importance. But despite your experience or maturity, I think the gap is too wide right now for anything beyond friendship.
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Marge is the love of my life.

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#387653 - 11/02/09 05:00 AM Re: Hi guys, I'd appreciate some words of experience. [Re: Carl]
tweetymom Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
MegaMike, I hate to tell you this, but it's said that people who are homophobic, usually have homosexual tendencies! I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but it's true!
_________________________
Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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#387654 - 11/02/09 05:33 AM Re: Hi guys, I'd appreciate some words of experience. [Re: MegaMike]
MegaMike Offline
New Member

Registered: 11/02/09
Posts: 3
Loc: Florida United States
Aside from your jokes about me bieng homophobic and possibly gay, I will take your advice and keep our relationship as a friendship for the time bieng, though this does not remotely meen I will put her in the dark. If you are getting the vibes that I was considering going passed the physical bounderies of a casual kiss, I was not, I'm aware that our age difference is a very potential issue and that it can potentially cause some serious trouble. Please keep in mind that while you are in high school, after turning 18 you run drasticly low on possible dates due to the age problem, and just like this girl I'm writing about, most of the girls in my senior class are allready taken by guys who have long since graduated highschool. ( Girls are generally interested in older men. )

I only added the bit about me bieng a homophobe because it was cannon to how me and this girl met, and there is actually a long story on why I am homophobic which I would rather not discuss on an internet forum, so please guys, keep your responces on topic and out of the gutter, I'm here for some serious advice, if I wanted sarcastic responces hinting towards me bieng a homosexual I would have went to my friends for their inexperienced advice. Your sincerety would not go unappreciated.
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#387655 - 11/02/09 06:08 AM Re: Hi guys, I'd appreciate some words of experience. [Re: MegaMike]
tweetymom Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
MMike, I said what I said in a lighthearted manner, but not a joke. It IS TRUE.

And BTW, I said nothing that had to do with the gutter. I don't think being gay or not has anything to do with the gutter, at least in my mind!! And I was responding to something you put in your post. Completely on topic.

But having said that, let me tell you that I am not your person to ask advise. There are other people who will be glad to help you. More members are logged on here in the daytime. If you had a bird, I could probably help you.

Welcome to the forum MegaMike.


Edited by tweetymom (11/02/09 06:14 AM)
_________________________
Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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#387661 - 11/02/09 09:08 AM Re: Hi guys, I'd appreciate some words of experience. [Re: tweetymom]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hello MegaMike & welcome smile

You are aware of the age-gap concerns, so I won't go into them, except to say that teenagers change quite a bit over time ~ their interests, who they find attractive, etc, etc. You and she, if you get together, may not develop in parallel. You may not want the same things, after a while.

You seem to have started off well with this girl ~ especially as you managed to walk and chat for 45 minutes, almost as soon as you met. Just be yourself.

Letting her know that you are homophobic, when she has a gay cousin, may not go down well.
Being homophobic, whatever the reason, is not a good thing.
And no-one on here lets conversation fall into the gutter, unless they wish to be banned. I see no reason to even mention such a suggestion.

Asking for advice on any concern is a sensible thing to do ~ so well done on that ~ but, if I were this girl, I would not be too happy about you discussing & describing your meeting & worries on a public forum ~ not unless you did it anonymously ~ which you haven't, since there are two very recognisable photos posted.

Good luck smile


Edited by PDM (11/02/09 09:10 AM)
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#387685 - 11/02/09 01:12 PM Re: Hi guys, I'd appreciate some words of experience. [Re: MegaMike]
MegaMike Offline
New Member

Registered: 11/02/09
Posts: 3
Loc: Florida United States
Firstly, thanks to everyone who has welcomed me to this forum.

She was able to understand that I was a little uncomfortable with that, we have allready had a discussion about her cousin, and after a little while getting to know him I'm sure I will be able to feel at ease with him bieng who he is, I'm not the type to just immediatly shut another person out because of a minor detail about their personality or preferences, when I said I was a bit homophobic, I did'nt want you to think that I freaked out and went over the top when I learned he was gay, I was uneasy with it, that is all.

I'm sorry for reacting a little defensive upon typing my last post, I am not accustomed to someone telling me I likely have homosexual tendencies, and I would like to make it clear that I am by no means a homosexual, or have ever had thougts of turning homosexual, so can we please leave that discussion alone? Thanks. I am well aware that many homophobics have homosexual tendencies, but I don't fall into the category. (Directed towards tweetymom)

I kept her name, and my name to myself, I dont really feel that I gave out any information that could come back and effect me, or her in a negative sort of way, have I? As far as the way we met, I dont really see how telling you this would be an issue, but if I am not seeing something eye to eye with you feel free to enlighten me. I have been useing internet forums for the last three or so years, and have been putting up pictures of myself for just as long, I'm comfortable with other people bieng able to see the person on the other side of the screen, that does'nt bother me, thanks for your concern, but unless there is some rule that states I can not do such a thing with my signature, or avatar, I doubt I will remove them.

I really made this post to get advice on simple coversation starters that would not seem to come out of the blue, leaving me feeling awkward upon trying to start a conversation with her, as I said before, she allready has told me she likes me, and I her, we know eachother fairly well for two people who have only known eachother for one weekend, as far out as that sounds, our first conversation with eachother covered the last ten or so years of our lives. So, now that we have all covered pretty much everything else I said, does anyone have an experience, or something of the sort I could learn from?
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#387691 - 11/02/09 03:09 PM Re: Hi guys, I'd appreciate some words of experience. [Re: MegaMike]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Originally Posted By: MegaMike
...
I kept her name, and my name to myself, I dont really feel that I gave out any information that could come back and effect me, or her in a negative sort of way, have I? ...

How would she feel if she read this?
I think that it would make me feel very uncomfortable, if I were her, so it's just a friendly warning ~ nothing to do with rules.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#387703 - 11/02/09 05:54 PM Re: Hi guys, I'd appreciate some words of experience. [Re: MegaMike]
IronFront Offline
Soulmate

Registered: 09/03/06
Posts: 2954
Originally Posted By: MegaMike
and a friend of mine who was standing in the same group of people walks up to me and tells me the guy that asked if I gave away free hugs was gay, and me bieng the homophobe I am, just walked away as fast as I could (I'm not trying to offend anyone, but I am a bit homophobic.)
Go xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.


Edited by PDM (11/02/09 10:01 PM)
Edit Reason: Unacceptable comment

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#387704 - 11/02/09 06:39 PM Re: Hi guys, I'd appreciate some words of experience. [Re: IronFront]
tweetymom Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
Ironfront, what the heck are you trying to do to this guy? Your comment is obnoxious to say the least! And completely unnaceptable. I am offended by it. What's the matter with you to put something on here like that?! It shows your immaturity, in my opinion!

?And aren't you supposed to be in school right now?!
_________________________
Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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