RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Dating I accidentally gave my bf a hicky!

Please help me!!!! Ok so today was our anniversary and i was kissin my bfs nek and it left a hicky.It was a total accident and i didnt mean to. So then he went home and his mom saw and now shes SSSSOOOOO MAD!!!! Shes treateing to tell my Mom so i figure i tell my mom first...u kno...beat her to it so my moms less mad? We are fourteen and its not that big a deal now his mom dnt trust my mom and im scrd that she wnt ever let me c my bf again. I love him sooooooo much and it would tear me apart please help me!!!

I don't even know where to start with this. First, it was not an accident. This is one of the things his mom is mad about. So I would be very careful about claiming that you didn't mean to do it. Why does his mom now not trust your mom? Did they talk about this? You say that you are fourteen and this is not that big a deal. Well it is. If for no other reason than you would like to keep seeing your boyfriend and this made his mom mad. But the bigger reason that it has your boyfriend's mom upset is because this is an indication that the two of you are sexually active. If that is that the case then it is definitely her concern. You need to consider the position you put your boyfriend in by doing this. All of us do things that we think is cute or funny at the time and they turn around and backfire of us. It sounds like this is one of those times. I hope things work out with your boyfriend, you and his mom. You probably need to be apologetic toward his mom and not present the attitude of “it’s no big deal.”

Hello mattieygabiey & welcome

Yes, as BLR says, this isn't exactly 'accidental' is it?
More 'unintentional', perhaps?

Either way, you and your boyfriend both knew that this would upset his Mum, yet you went ahead and did it. He must have been as aware as you were, of what was happening. Is his mother angry with him, too?

You actually realise that this is 'a big deal'; otherwise you wouldn't be posting this as a problem.

And yes, BLR is right, his mother will probably be worried that you might be becoming sexually active ~ and unable to control your behaviour.

I agree that it is best if you tell your Mum yourself ~ but, if she doesn't now about this, why doesn't your boyfriend's Mum trust her? Is it because she is unhappy that you may have been brought up to behave in a manner that she finds unacceptable?

It seems that you have a lot of explaining, sorting out & apologising to do. You are both only 14, so you both need your parents' support. You need to appreciate this and to respect their wishes.

When you are older, you will understand their concerns.
Fourteen is very young; parents are bound to be worried I think.

I have to say that if I were a mother, I would be mad too. I don't think it was an accident either. I don't think there is a such thing as an accidental hicky. You have to put yourself in his mother's shoes. I know this is from experience. My boyfriend left a couple hickies on my neck. My father saw and had a talk with my boyfriend about it. He wasn't mean or anything. He was just concerned, because those hickies looked like I was someone I was not. In other words, I guess my dad didn't want me looking like someone who "got around."

14 is a very young age. You are going to go through quite a few boyfriends before you find the right one. Don't rush yourself and don't be so quick to give your heart and body away.

Also, parental support is a must. I don't think I would be comfortable dating a boy who my parents didn't approve of.

I think you should tell your mom about the hicky. Not to beat your boyfriend's mother to the punch, but because you want your mom to know. Parents like it when you talk to them about things. Trust me. It will make your relationship with your boyfriend better as well as your relationship with your parents.

Good luck!

~Jessica

I think some of you are forgetting what 14 is like - i don't think Mattie intended to make a mark on her boyfriend's neck. I remember (and i am 41) when I first started kissing and was very surprised how little effort it took to leave a neck mark. You don't have to be a vampire to make a hicky. And some people have very sensitive skin.

In any case the 'damage' is done and it seems that a few honest, level-headed talks with parents are in order, for sure. As long as the concerned adults can rest assured that the young couple will be careful, responsible, and take things slowly, i am positive it will all work out. Good luck Mattie!

Yes, this may be a good learning experience.

I don't see how you accidentally give someone an hickie. YOu know what you are doing when you give it and that if your boyfriend knew that he was going to get into trouble then he should have told you to stop. But thats just my say, i have never accidentally gave someone s hickie.

Lamf10, just because you haven't doesn't mean no one has. I have accidentally done it when young. When you are kissing someone's neck you don't have to use 'suction' to leave a mark. Sometimes it won't show up for hours.

Let's give this kid a break, huh?

Yeah i guess.

i mean he does bruise easily and i love him and it IS normal hello people get with the times! there are pleanty of other freshman in highschool who have done this unintentionally just like me. And we arent sexually active, just kissing, i am not the slutty type at ALL. It gross. and i did tell my mom and it turns out his mom has done it b4 2 she was just making us sweat but im not gonna do it again anytime soon. I didnt even mean to in the first place.
thanks for the support jilly

oh and another thing it may sound retarded to all you experienced people but i love him with all my heart and we've both said that wed marry each other, weve been dating almost two years and im almost fifteen

i know this may sound retarded to all of you 'adults and more experienced people' but we love each other, like we are both determined to stay together until we can b married...we can tlk to each other about anything and we both love each other sooooo much. We arent sexually active just kissin, much more wuld b gross and our rents know everything ive just said in this post they kno and i was mistaken about the whole his mom not trusting mine. She does it was a mistranslation

Mattie -

There's no reason to bring "retarded" into this. People were giving you their honest opinion of your situation. Their concern is that you were being aggressively sexual at age 14, and then planning on telling the adults in your lives that you didn't really mean to do that.

I agree that some people bruise easily - but I also know that kissing someone enough to give them a hickey is not a gentle kiss. It means you were kissing aggressively. Many parents would feel uncomfortable with their children being in a situation where it was private and dark enough to be kissing aggressively.

Yes, I understand you want to get married. It's not that we discount your feelings. It's that the vast majority - let's say 99% - of people in their 14 and 15 year age bracket who say they're going to marry their partner do not. It is like wanting to go to Harvard. It's very nice to have that dream - but it also is very good to be realistic about the chances. I know many, many people who were completely convinced they would marry the person they loved at age 15. Literally none of them did.

But I also know, when I *was* age 15, that I knew that my case would be different. So I respect your feeling that your specific case is going to be the unique different one.

So to summarize, kissing passionately *is* sexual. We can talk about all the cultural and sociological significance, what the mouth kisses represent. You are doing it because you have feelings for each other. If you currently choose to "only kiss above the neck" then that is certainly fine and your choice. But our main point of contention is that you are saying it was an "accident" that you were kissing passionately. As someone nearing adulthood it is critical you take responsibility for everything you do, and own up to it. You two chose to kiss, you chose to kiss passionately. You didn't mean for evidence to be left of your actions - but that is not an excuse in the adult world. Being caught at something has nothing to do with your intentions in doing it.

I'm not going to use the 'r' word. I'll replace it with 'stupid.'

Love isn't stupid. If I were calling you stupid for being in love at a young age, then that would make me a hypocrite. It's just that we've all been there. Lisa is right. We are all giving our opinion and our experiences to help you, not make fun of you.

Hopefully you feel like this a forum you can count on. :]

-Jessica

thanks guys i wasnt trying to abck out on my actions it was a stupid thing to do and i didnt think about the consequences. I can count on u guys i feel. thanks

Life is a learning process

I've been thinking about this thread a lot, Mattie, and I want to make sure we say again that we completely respect your feelings, and your heartfelt belief that you and your boyfriend are meant to be forever. I know sometimes it feels like older people don't respect your beliefs.

OK I've rewritten this next part a few times It's hard to phrase things well on the web sometimes.

Imagine you worked with 8 year olds and they always started the school year saying the were going to run a mile in a minute. They believed with all their heart that they were going to, and you encouraged their dreams, and at the end of the year none of them were able to. So then another year goes by with the same results. Your ability to fully believe that they can reach their dreams fades with each year. Yes you might believe that somewhere out there is an 8 year old who can do it - but life keeps showing you over and over that it's extraordinarily rare.

It's not that the 8 year olds are 'wrong'. They are completely right and fine for having that belief and hope and dream! It is just that the ways people change and grow over time tend to affect that goal.

So we would all be *thrilled* if you and your boyfriend were still together at age 18, got married, and lived together happily ever after. I guess in a way we want you to take things slow because we're worried, if you are not in that special .00001% for which it happens, that you will not be completely crushed. In a way we are trying to protect you from the teenage dreams we all had at that age, that life has a way of interfering with.

I get what you are saying thanks so much for the talking. I know its rare and people want it but i think that love is THE MOST powerful thing there is and if we've made it two years already trough all we've made it through the big man upstairs must want us together. Thanks again guys. this has turned into more of a lesson more than help on a stupid mistake.

I certainly wish you the very best of luck, and hope you have a very happy life

The key is to keep working on it. Nothing ever is handed to you. Every relationship requires constant work. Two years is good - but that is merely the beginning. That is, in a way, the honeymoon. Most marriages last two years - it's the "grind" that gets to people, the wear and tear after that. It will get harder. Ensure that you work on it every day, that he works on it every day, and that it stays a priority. That is how you will succeed!

Mattie, I also hope it works out for you. My parents DID date at ages 15 and 17, and they are still married. It has been a lot of hard work for them, of course, which is natural. All relationships take commitment and work, as Lisa said.

Stay true to yourself, be honest with your boyfriend in all things, and remember to take care of other things in your life, like school, friends, family, hobbies, goals! Being well rounded is the best gift you can give to any relationship.

I've been thinking about this thread and, the thing is, that one enters ones teens as a child and leaves them as an adult, so people change a huge amount during this time.

However, while I believe that most teenage relationships don't last, I know that some did ~ and do.

I met my husband when we were teenagers ~ 17 & 18 ~ and we are still together now that we are in our 50s ~ the same for another couple of friends.

And I know another couple, who started dating at 15, and are still together ~ in their late 50s.

My cousin thinks that it is wonderful, because we have so many shared memories. And that is absolutely true!

Thanks guys! You guys are really inspiring especially that your parents dated at that age and are still married.

How is the situation going now? What is the status with your parents?