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#392138 - 12/27/09 07:20 AM from lust to silence from moms death?
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
Please help me!!
to give you a quick backround iam a 23 yr old male and she is a 19 yr old female. her mom passed 2 and 1/2 yrs ago and her last relation ship was about 2 yrs ago and she was used and cheated on. my last relationship was a lil over a yr ago.

we met on a online dating site...we went talked and texted all day for a week then a few dates while talking and texting all day inbetween the dates we both are very good lookin and atttrected to each other. but its what inside she is so amazing i have never me a girl that gets me the way she does and we have so much in common there was an instant connection and spark there!

we went out a few nights before xmas to the mall and for dinner it was an amazing night i bought her this wallets she wanted so bad for xmas and gave it to her ealy and at the end of the night we kissed and the fireworks went off!!

the next day on all our social sites we are on ..facebook,myspace,etc...
we both were posting how amazing our nights were and we were so happy...
on one of her post she was goin on how happy she was that i got her her wallet and she was excited cause there is so much to lookforward to. and put ...LML (for for real)
LML MEANS LOVE OF MY LIFE
i was so excited to see that and things were goin great..now the problems start.

her dad is disabled from a bad accident and her mother passed 30 months ago like i said she lives with her older brother and his fiance. she voulenteered to work xmas and xmas eve (iam thinkin not much family and what happen to her mom holidays are sad for her)

But she had xmas eve off so she was gonna go visit her dad that evening and we made plans to spend time in the afternoon. now also she said she has had a bad sinus infection for the past 4 days at this point.
so xmas eve comes and at the last minute she says she was not gonna go down to see her dad(lives hr away) so she could not see me she did not feel well.

i was upset but i could respect that i understand \.
xmas came and she worked all day and we norm text all the time but she was being quite and today i texted ger goodmorning he said hi she would only text me if i asked her a question we only txted like 4 times.

so my question is she went from textin me first thing in the morning "goodmorning babe" and textin me right before she went to sleep "good night hunny" and 70 times inbetween. she was always tryin to make plans to see me. and we were moving forward to becoming a couple and she posted on face book " LML...for real" (again love of my life) and now from xmas eve to today she has not really been talking to me that fire is gone and if i dont text her she wont text me at all. she also made a comment about not ready to get serious. when she was all about that when we first met.
is the death of her mother and the holiday season which is makin her sad abd depressed.
mixed with every guy has screwed her and lie to her.

is she afraid to go anyfurther in our relationship to actually dating each other?

what should i do? what should i ask/tell her?
i dont want to loose her. and i know she just did not stop liking me over night.

i think she is afraid to take a chance i think she is afraid to get hurt and she is hurting so much that she does not want more pain.

PLEASE HELP ME I CANT LOOSE HER ALL I DO IS THINK ABOUT HER SHE MAKES MY DAY GREAT OR WHEN THINGS ARE BAD LIKE THEY ARE NOW IT PUTS KNOTS IN MY STYOMACH AND MAKES ME SAD AND EPRESSED AND NOT WANTING TO DO ANYTHING. I NEVER BEEN IN LOVE BUT THIS IS THE CLOSEST IVE BEEN TO IT I CANT UNDERSTAND HOW SHE DID A 180 ON ME

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#392150 - 12/27/09 05:53 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
linder Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/26/09
Posts: 22
Having lost both a sister at 22 and my Dad ... Holidays are very rough along with anniversaries of birthdays and the day the losted one died. It brings up so many emotions and in a new relationship it might not be something you want to share right away. I would just give her some space, let her know you care and are there for her if she needs you but don't push. It may have just been too much too fast also... slow it down, if it's right , there's no need for rushing. SLow and easy .. build that friendship.

Good luck!

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#392151 - 12/27/09 06:11 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: linder]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
Vans2, welcome to the forum.

Here's a thought - maybe she is sick and does not really want to have anything to do with anybody. You couple that with going ahead and working, and probably some depression I would say it does not have anything to do with you personally.

Try texting her something like "if you need anything let me know" or "are you feeling any better" since she did tell you she was getting sick.
_________________________
Barbara

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#392154 - 12/27/09 07:48 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: BLR]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
thx for the help guys now here is the thing its a few days past xmas and she has not texted me at all when she usually text me goodmorning as soon as she wakes. and i sent her a text sayin hi and how are you and asked if things are ok and i have not had a reply and that was 6 hrs ago... she deleted her page on the site we met on and she mad a post on face book " i cant handle this" i was confused her friend put a frown face and she replied to her friend "its you and me tonight for sure!" so she is not sick anymore she is just ignoring me it seems and trying to distance herself from me she sont talk to me at all now...

i dont get it she is silent...but i guess her silence tells us were we really are. and there is nothing i did or said everything was perfect and she did a 180 on me.

likeu guys said i dont want to push it and iam not but i want her to know that iam here for her and even if nothing comes of it. i still consider her a great friend shes a great person.
and she has my xmas gift! lol and i stil have to give her. her 2nd xmas gift.

and i keep looking at her and xmas gift in my room sitting there it depresses me i had this whole thing planned out for her.

so now what sould i do?

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#392169 - 12/28/09 02:12 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hi Vans2couture smile

This really does sound confusing, so I can understand why you feel as you do.

I am guessing that losing her Mum, plus her Dad being disabled, and then being ill over Christmas, has probably affected her ~ but the rest I cannot really understand.

The only thing I can think of is that she really thought of you as the 'love of her life' and that this scared her, as she is only 19, and 'not ready to get serious'.

I am wondering about: "i cant handle this".
I wonder what, exactly, it is that she can't handle.
Is it the fear that, though she feels that you are the love of her life, she worries that you will let her down??

Is there a problem in her family, or elsewhere, that you don't know about?

Perhaps she needed to talk to someone about her feelings ~ hence the meeting with the friend.

It is unusual for a girl to go from thinking that you are the love of her life, to ignoring you completely, unless she has problems of some kind.

You could try writing her a letter.

You could admit to being confused by her actions and assure her that you do not want to pressure her into doing anything that she isn't ready for, etc, etc, and give her time to read it, re-read it, think about it, and make her decision.

Maybe, if you are patient with her, you will be rewarded with her friendship at the very least.

Good luck smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392180 - 12/28/09 06:11 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
thank you so much pdm you nailed my thoughts on the head thats everything i was thinkin!

and i did just write her an email on facebook ( she is on FB the most) tellin her i understand why should would feel the way she may also that iam confused by her actions and that i want to build our friendship i dont want to rush things and here is a lil fact i left out:

**on the dating site we met on she made a fake account and tried to message me and hook up with me to see if i would take the bait but i figured out it was her off the bat and i called her out on it and she felt so bad but she said she cant trust guys they all are liars and she wanted to make sure i was not a liar and this was in the very begining of when we met and i passed the test**

so i understand her putting up a wall to preotect herself and that she got spooked that things were goin so great so fast. and that iam here for her i car about her as a friend first and foremost and even if things dont come together for us i still want to remain her good friend.

to sum up the letter as short as i can.

so thx for helping me confirm what i thought and if you are interested i will keep you in touch!

thx..

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#392183 - 12/28/09 06:24 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
also as u know she is 19 she went to cosmetic school and is getting ready to attend the local community college to build credits to transfer to the local university ( university of south fl. USF ) so she said she did not want to get serious cuz she had too much goin on in life....but so do i run my own high performance shop so i work on my own time for the most part but iam closing it down to go back to school (gettin into the med field, surgical tech for now then surgical nurse then at that point in my life i will see where iam but want to attend med school to be an m.d)

but thats no reason to turn down a great relationship and you cant be with the love of ur life cuz u have too much goin on?
sounds like and excuse of her bein afraid to move forward in the relationship to me.

what do u guys think does that make any difference? Am i right about her makin that an excuse to move forward she is afraid?

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#392201 - 12/28/09 08:44 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
ok guys so she did not reply to that message and iam not sure what is goin on now she posted on her face book THIS IS HER ---always always ALWAYS go with your gut feeling... Always... People are so full of shit.. && to think that I am THAT xxxxxxx niave?! Go.to.hell.please!! THIS IS HER AUNT--Gina Pisano Walther :( love you THIS IS HER--love you too aunt gina!!! I can't wait to come see you!! I need to get the hell out of this placeeeeeee ok now iam super confused there has to be something else going on cause i never did anything to her i dont think she is naive she did not reply to mny message iam tryin to be pateint to work it out but iam bout to just explode on her PLEASE ANYONE HELP ME NOW!!!


Edited by PDM (12/28/09 08:55 PM)

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#392204 - 12/28/09 09:03 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Well, as I said, I did wonder if something else was going on, that you didn't know about. It sounds as if this could be the case, and that she is sticking close to just friends & family because of it.

However ...

It is always possible that she has been told something, about you, that has rocked her trust in you.

Maybe someone invented something, or she misinterpreted something, or she discovered sonmething that she didn't like.
Or maybe it is something that has nothing at all to do with you.

Give her some time to sort out whatever has happened in her life ~ and hope that she will contact you.

And writing a letter is not the same as sending an e-mail.
A letter is tangible. It has your handwriting on it. It can be kept under the pillow and re-read whenever one chooses.

I wish that I could be more helpful.
I'm confused by it, too. smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392205 - 12/28/09 09:04 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
OK i may be doin this backward but here is the message i sent her then the next day she post the above on her FB and she still has not talked to me i did not do anything to her nothing but good and iam starting to think she is truly afraid of it and running from it? i dunno at this point anymore...but here is what i wrote her....



hey i just wanted to let you know that when we were textin a few nights ago it was late and we were sending long text..lol...anyways you said your not ready to get serious. and when i replied to that i was sleep deprived and was feelin woozy from too much cough syrup. : )

anyways i suck at tellin ppl how i feel via text or email etc... i do much better in person. i think what i was tryin to tell you is that....


i do not want to rush things either i was more concerned about buildin our friendship. and yeah i was caught up in the "puppy love" or what ever u want to call it. i have not been in a relationship for about a yr and a half and the first girl i start to talk to is amazing and perfect in my eyes. so i was all excited and giddy about it. And as far as getting serious i cant say if iam ready or not.. if its right ill go with it. but i do know after all my bad relationships and bein screwed over used and cheated on i do put a pretty high wall up to protect myself but with u. it seems like u had an even higher ladder to climb over that wall

but after seein what u did on okc to see if i was a fraud i knew you had a wall up also. after what happened in your last relationship.

Now iam not sure what happened after the night we went out and things were goin great and you posted that "LML..FOR REAL" post i knew thing were goin good. but the holidays get here and when you were gonna hang with me b4 u spent time with ur dad and that did not happen and then on xmas you were... well you were not rejoicing in xmas spirit. and i know with your mom bein gone makes this time of year hard on you. And thats all i know is that it makes it hard i cant sit here and say i understand exacxtly how you feel and i have no right to tell you things like the pain never goes away but it gets easier slowly but surely cause i dont know it does.

But you dont go from posting LML on FB to not even talking to me at all for no reason.

And i may be wrong with this! hell, i may be way off but you know i over analyze things and this has been driving me crazy how you pull a complete 180 but this is what makes the most sense to me.

i think the combination of the holidays and the wall u had up to protect yourself (bein u have not dated anyone after bein used and cheated on ) and the fact that things were goin so good with us but it seemed maybe like they were goin kinda fast. spooked you! it was too good to be true kinda thing....


and if that is the way u feel i understand why u feel the way u may feel but i promise i wont hurt u! I learned sometimes u need to take a chance to get what you want or what your heart desires.

let me be your friend and lets build our friendship. Cause no matter what i want to be your friend you are an amazing person and would love your friendship even if nothing comes of us.

Now again i may be way off something else may be goin on that iam not aware of. But with you suddenly stop talkin to me puts a red flag up...

theres a million things it can be and i've drove myself mad thinkin about what could be goin on.

did i do something wrong?
maybe you want nothing to do with me anymore...
maybe you met another guy that puts a bigger smiler on your face...

But whatever it is i hope the best for you and i want you to know that you can tell me anything its better than silence. even if you want nothing to do with me you can tell me.

Take care sweetie and i hope nothing but the best for you. cause i do care about you.

ciao bella! : )

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