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#392206 - 12/28/09 04:09 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
That sounds genuine and caring.

I suppose that it's possible that she has misinterpreted it, and thinks that maybe you now only want to be friends???

I don't know, sorry frown
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392215 - 12/28/09 07:02 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
first of PDM thx for stayin with me and replying i appreciate all ur input!You have been very helpful and re-assuring. i got this last question/theory for you and then ill keep you in touch if you are interested in what happens!

And there is alot of small backround info the u are unaware of like what we talk about in our text when we play around and flirt you know things that if i was to tell you everything i could write s book but you have the main importain details...

but one thing is in the email i wrote her(the one i posted) when i said in the start of the email when we were texting the othe night and i was sleep deprived and woozy from too much cough medicine....we were talkin about gettin serious and thats when she said she does not want to get serious cause she is too busy and i told her i understood but i want to work on establishing a relationship ( you know build a solid friendship as the foundation. then work onto a actually dating relationship as the walls..etc...) thats what i was tryin to tell her so i thought she misunderstood me and thought i wanted to get serious but not right now wanted to start to work are way to be serious but faster than i implied..(if that makes any sense to you) so i know in the letter i posted she did not mistake me for sayin i want to only be friends just cause of our previous textin. i may be wrong but iam 99.7% certain of it!

And she does not know anyone that knows me! so there is noway she could of found out anything about me from somone else i am 100% sure about that and there is nothing bad about me that she does not know i told her everything so there would be nothing to come out the closet.

I have concluded one of the following- that she is freaked out about me bein possibly bein the LOVE OF HER LIFE (LML) and she has never been treated soo good buy a man who takes her out for a nice dinner and pays for it! who gives her flowers and who does not try to make any moves on her to get in her pants. basiclly I was a perfect gentleman and gave ger the nights if her life! (and iam not full of myself or cocky) and she has never had any of that all her previous men used her for her money and cheated on her. Hell i bought her the juicy couture wallet she wanted for xmas that i made s special effort to have the sales lady from nordstroms go in the back warehouse and find the only black on they had(she wanted black all they had was pink) and dropped $80 on the wallet. she never had any of that and to her all men are liars she has trust issues so i think she thinks one of these...

1.)she thinks this is too good to be true he will screw me over and hurt me in the end.
2.)she thinks omg he is the LML and iam afraid he will hurt me
3.)she thinks this is too good to be true he is trying to pull a fast one me and use me. iam not falling for his trap
4.)she thinks he is the LML and its to good to be true alli ever felt is pain and iam spooked that this is really happening.

Or she is having some other personal problems that iam nor aware of and is having a hard time dealin with it. And does not want to drag me into it. or something along those lines..but if that is the case why ignore me?why not tell me she has something goin on and needs time? thats why i doubt this is it..

But dec 26th at 2pm is the last contact i made with her and last night i sent her that message i posted. how much time do i give her? how long do i wait before i send her a message sayin something like....


""" What the hell is goin on?
Why are you not talking to me?
Do you expect me to wait here?
(All alone in my thoughts and fears)
My whole life could flash before your eyes
(Hope one day that you realize)
This isn't the way it's supposed to be
(This is your life girl, now without me)
May regrets for us well up inside
(As feelings for you are buried alive)"""

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#392243 - 12/29/09 08:51 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Quote:
i cant handle this
always always ALWAYS go with your gut feeling... Always...
People are so full of [censored]
to think that I am THAT xxxxxxx niave?!
Go.to.hell.please!!
I need to get the hell out of this placeeeeeee

This is a very strong reaction to something.

She 'can't handle' it, so it is something so bad, or difficult, that she cannot cope with it.
She says 'people', so it's someone, rather than something ~ or maybe a number of persons.
She wants the person(s) involved to go away, or feels that she needs to get away ('Go.to.hell' ... 'I need to get the hell out' ...)
Since she says that she needs to get away, it must be someone nearby.
She says that she has been naive, so she feels that she has trusted someone who cannot be trusted, or felt that she was on the same wavelength as someone, when she wasn't.
She says that 'people are so full of [censored]', so, I think that she is talking about someone she considers to be bad, or someone who lies.
She says 'always always ALWAYS go with your gut feeling... Always... ', so must feel that she was right to be wary and should have done as she always does ~ presumably keeping up her guard.
'Go.to.hell.please!!' sounds like a combination of anger and despair.

It may not be about you ~ or indeed any boy. It may concern friends or family.
But, to me, it sounds as if she either she met someone else over Christmas, who she feels she was wrong to get involved with, and now feels terrible about, and cannot tell you about, or, for some reason, she feels that she shouldn't have trusted you, and should have remained reserved and wary with you, and now needs to get away from you, because she cannot trust you, or feels that your intentions, or expectations, are not the same as hers.

Whatever it is, she sounds angry, confused, unhappy and annoyed ~ with herself and with others.

If I were you, I, too, would want to know what was behind all of this, but if she uis unwilling to contact you, then I don't know if you will ever get your answers. You may just have to be very patient for a while longer.

How well do you actually know this girl?
How long have you been in touch with her, and how long is it since you actually met?
Have you met her friends and family?
Is it possible that she has issues that you are unaware of?

And don't forget that she is only 19 ~ a teenager. That is still very young ~ possibly too young for even thinking about potentially long-term commitments. And she doesn't have her Mum to talk to about this. Maybe she just feels too pressured by it all.

I am wondering if you may have read too much into " LML...for real"
Quote:
...we both were posting how amazing our nights were and we were so happy...
on one of her post she was goin on how happy she was that i got her her wallet and she was excited cause there is so much to lookforward to. and put ...LML (for for real)
LML MEANS LOVE OF MY LIFE
i was so excited to see that and things were goin great..now the problems start. ...

Quote:
...we were moving forward to becoming a couple and she posted on face book " LML...for real" (again love of my life) and now from xmas eve to today she has not really been talking to me ...

I may be wrong, but it sounds as if things started to cool after she posted 'LML' and you became 'so excited' about it.
How did you actually respond when she posted that?
Could your excited response have put her on her guard??
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392289 - 12/29/09 05:43 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
thanks again PDM i cant thank you enough by the way for staying with my thread!

this is driving me crazy i have so much i have to do! so much on my plate i need to take care of in my life but all i think about is this and tryin to figure it out i cant just focus on things i need to be focusing on!

And i met her older brother his fiance and there son so her nephew and i met a few of her friends i have not met dad or grandma cuz they live over an hr away. but i met ll her family in the close area i met her best friend.

we have known each other about a month but we talked every single day for that month and txt each other 70 times a day.

And as far as my response to LML. i did not know what that meant so i asked her and she told me love of my life...and my response was : ) i did not overbear her with the ohmygod your the love of my life too! and i did not undermind it either like is freaked me out i simply : ) and expressed i was happy about it!!

But in searching for answers i found something she posted on her blog july 31st of this yr. ----->

its it too much to ask for?
is decency too much to ask for in a guy?


i mean really..


all i need in life is someone who i can hold conversations with.. and we never run out of things to say.
someone to be there for me and support me no matter what.
someone who is going to tell me i am beautiful and cute instead of hot and sexy..
someone who just understands the little things that make me smile.
"sweatpants. hair tied. chillen with no makeup on.. thats when youre the prettiest i hope that you dont take me wrong" someone to say that to me.. and actually mean it.
someone who isnt going to lie and cheat
someone i can trust with my all
someone who trusts me..
ughhhhhhh idk
decency.. is all i ask for.
but i dont think ill be finding it anytime soon.


<---- well you know what iam all of those thing iam her decent guy thats why she said LML! but she said she was not expecting to find one anytime soon meaning she did not think there was one out there 4 months later i come along! SUPRISE! there is a decent guy for you!

But i love the way your processed her post... i alway over analyze things and look for answers with everything but i was so off balance with this i could not break it down myself.

I think iam just gonna ask her straight up what is goin on iam tryin to be pateint but i cant wait forever but i will be gentle and caring about it!

what do u think of it all and we are getting to the end of this threads life cause i cant take this no more!

Thanks again for everything PDM !!!

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#392292 - 12/29/09 06:16 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
Chachi's mom Dee Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/08/09
Posts: 14
Loc: New Jersey
hi vans, I am coming a little late on this post, but it caught my eye. My b/f lost his mom 3 yrs ago and holidays are extremely hard for him, it has been hell the last few weeks, so she could be still reeling from that. Also, I would not push too much, then you seem stalkerish, thats the last thing you want to do. In fact you do not know her well at all, so this could have been a game for her, or she got what she wanted out of you. I am not saying this to be mean, just letting you know what has happened to me in the past. People have a great way of bs others. IMO, you should just chalk it up as a loss and find someone true to you. I found my bf online and he is amazing, he is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I had to kiss a lot of frogs to get this one, so be ready, lol. Good luck!

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#392307 - 12/29/09 07:29 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: Chachi's mom Dee]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hi Chachi's mom Dee. smile

Yes, a month isn't very long; not to be sure that one knows someone else.
On the other hand, for some, it can be as long as one needs.
It just depends.

Maybe this girl isn't really ready for anyone yet.

Grief can last a long time & can affect many aspects of one's life.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392335 - 12/29/09 09:10 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
Chachi's mom Dee Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/08/09
Posts: 14
Loc: New Jersey
Hi PDM,

Oh I know what you mean! She might not be, not at 19, I know when I was 19 MANY years ago, all i wanted was to have a good time, I was no where near ready to settle with anyone or even have a steady boyfriend. I did not have my first "real" boyfriend until I was about 23ish, that lasted for 3 yrs. Now that I am much older and I have gotten all the fun out of my system I am ready to settle down. I know it varies for everyone, but I think 19 now and days is too young to be settling down.

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#392336 - 12/29/09 09:24 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: Chachi's mom Dee]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
this girls mom died when she was 16 her dad then became handicapped from a bad motorcycle accident she is very grown up she had to take care of her dad pay his bills and her bills at the same time. if you met her you would have no clue she is 19 i keep forgetting she is 19. shes a big girl at earned everything she has on her own....she had matured very fast and she is not the party type she is like me workin your ass of the acheive your goals in life she is a mgr where she works and works alot she is getting ready to cut back on the work and replace it with school... and as far as using me she has $$$ so i dont thinl she needs my $$$.... and yeah the holidays may be hard on her but ots no reason to not talk to me for 4 days...

and i was the kinda guy from 16 to 22 that i always needed a girlfriend i had alot of bad relationships bein used for my $$ cheated on and spit out! so i finally decided not stop looking live life and when that special girl came along she came along i dont beleive in time frames if it feels right i go with it! and after a yr and a half of not dating she comes along and she was perfect (so i thought depending on what is goin on here) so once i get over this and get my life goin again i will not look for a GF i will wait for her to find me!

thanks again for all ur help but iM GONNA DRIVE TO HER HOUSE DROP OF HER 2ND XMAS GIFT WITH NOTE INSIDE AND UST END IT IAM SICKAND TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BE HAPPY CAUSE IAM SO INVOLVED IN FIGURING OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO HER!

TAKE CARE ALL AND IF SOMETHING HAPPENS ILL POST IT AND LET U KNOW IN CASE U ARE INTERESTED!!!!

SINCERLY ANTHONY!

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#392340 - 12/29/09 10:51 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Ok.
Be careful.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392344 - 12/30/09 01:21 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
Thankyou PDM .... i dont want to seem like a stalker so i think aim just gonna drop the gift off on her front porch..

ohyeah and in that not iam gonna be sweet caring and truthful! but iam gonna get the point across if she does not want to be with me or be my friend or have anything to do with me to please tell me! she is pulling a coward move and ignoring every text message or email and i know thaT SHE HAS GOT THEM...

thx again PDM for everything and i want u to know what happens cause u put so much of ur time into helpin me! ill come straight to u and let u know!!!!

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