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#392354 - 12/30/09 09:50 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Good luck! smile

But, yes, while you need to know what is going on, it is important to remember that emotional problems could be really rough on a teenage girl without her Mum.


Edited by PDM (12/30/09 09:52 AM)
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392380 - 12/30/09 03:46 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
linder Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/26/09
Posts: 22
Originally Posted By: vans2couture
this girls mom died when she was 16 her dad then became handicapped from a bad motorcycle accident she is very grown up she had to take care of her dad pay his bills and her bills at the same time. if you met her you would have no clue she is 19 i keep forgetting she is 19. shes a big girl at earned everything she has on her own....she had matured very fast and she is not the party type she is like me workin your ass of the acheive your goals in life she is a mgr where she works and works alot she is getting ready to cut back on the work and replace it with school... and as far as using me she has $$$ so i dont thinl she needs my $$$.... and yeah the holidays may be hard on her but ots no reason to not talk to me for 4 days...

People don't always use you for $$$, sometimes people need the emotional closeness and connection and use you for that... even though they arent capable of sustaining an actual relationship.
Also just because she was forced to grow up young doesnt mean she wants to continue that path. She may just want to have fun right now and be a college student and not have so many responsibilities like she was forced to have. College may be an escape in a way. It's definitely a time to stretch your wings and try new things. Which in her case is not being responsible.

Originally Posted By: vans2couture

and i was the kinda guy from 16 to 22 that i always needed a girlfriend i had alot of bad relationships bein used for my $$ cheated on and spit out! so i finally decided not stop looking live life and when that special girl came along she came along i dont beleive in time frames if it feels right i go with it! and after a yr and a half of not dating she comes along and she was perfect (so i thought depending on what is goin on here) so once i get over this and get my life goin again i will not look for a GF i will wait for her to find me!

thanks again for all ur help but iM GONNA DRIVE TO HER HOUSE DROP OF HER 2ND XMAS GIFT WITH NOTE INSIDE AND UST END IT IAM SICKAND TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BE HAPPY CAUSE IAM SO INVOLVED IN FIGURING OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO HER!

TAKE CARE ALL AND IF SOMETHING HAPPENS ILL POST IT AND LET U KNOW IN CASE U ARE INTERESTED!!!!

SINCERLY ANTHONY!


Anthony, Good luck, I hope that in dropping off the present you dont set yourself up again for expectations for a reply. I think you best bet is to back off. She knows how to get a hold of you, and hasnt contacted you. As tough as that is.. move on and get your own stuff done. I agree that she is a coward for not responding but you cant force her to. I didnt catch anywhere that you both had agreed to an exclusive relationship and made an actual commitment to each other verbally. That seems to be what you assume was there but apparently she didnt. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Try to move on and if it's meant to be.. it will happen eventually.


Linder

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#392403 - 12/30/09 10:14 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: linder]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
EVERYONE!!!! makes good points!!!

and i know that not everyone uses ppl for $$$ i was just in a hurry so i tried to get my point across that i dont hink she was using me but i get it. llke i said i use to be that guy from 16-22 that need a GF and i use to date girls and use them just so i was not lonley just so i had someone to call babe and stay up all night talkin with on the phone etc... but she was not using me for that reason iam certain of it.(but if she did the karma is a [censored] cuz the last girl i talked to i used here for that reason then stop talkin to her mainly cause she was a ditz and could not add 2+2) but to get back to the point all i really want is an answer!

why did she all of the sudden go mute on me? granted she is a very special girl and i KNOW we can have great things come of us and that is what was really buggin me i wanted to be with her. i have accepted it is prob over but i just want to know why she did it??

and also iam not expecting a response when i drop of her 2nd xmas gift i just want her to have it.

also deep down i know its over! just chalk it up as a lost but i have this lil angel sayin what if? what if something bad happened to her and she still wants to be with u and u can salvage the relationship. she just needed a week or 2 to get over this really bad thing thsat happend?

then the other angel says there is nothing that can happen to hear for her not to atleast send u a texxt or email sayin listen ... happened and iam gonna need 2 weeks. there is no reason for her not to reply to me at all even if her dad brother and grandma died she could and still should at least txt me and say listen...... iam sorry

but bein 100% mute is drivin me up the wall all i want is answers!

And iam the kinda person that always wants the truth want to figure out the answer to the puzzle ( if you are familiar with the show house and know how doctor house always needs to find the answer for every puzzle or riddle that how i am but not willin to commit felony to do it lol)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

(edited by Lisa - please remember NO SWEARS ALLOWED - we have minors in this forum)


Edited by Lisa Shea (12/31/09 12:27 AM)

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#392542 - 12/31/09 09:26 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Of course you want answers. Anyone would, in your situation.
However, no-one on here has heard the girl's side of the story, so no-one here can give you the correct answer. We can only provide suggestions ~ but, of course, you know that.

There may have been a misunderstanding ~ and if that is what it is, then yes, maybe it can still be a story with a happy ending.

How to find that out, though?
I wish you luck.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392548 - 12/31/09 09:44 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
OK OK OK !!!!!

SHE REPLIED TO ME!!!!!! someone call 911!!!!!

i sent her a message saying goodbye basiclly you lost your decent guy to make this short and sweet and she replied...

hey I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you.. I just found out some major life changing news and I'm working things out with the other person it involves. Sorry don't take this to heart please, it had nothing to do with you.. But I've got some things to figure out.. I'll talk more about it when the time comes but for now my lips are sealed because I don't want to jynx anything.


ok so i at least knows it has nothing to do with me that puts my delicate mind at ease!! but now this brings up more questions! lol here we go again...

my first thought was someother guy came into her life that she wants to try it out with or an ex came back into her life that she wants to make work but she does not want to loose me if it does not work out with this "OTHER PERSON IT INVOLVES"

and what makes me think this is that as soon as i send her a message sayin goodbye this is gonna be your life with out me. she replies to me with this message....

now maybe its all a coincedence cause she made a post on her face book sayin " this [censored] needs a [censored] punt! " like she is xxxxxx with some chick.... and with her other post that you broke down PDM with her referring to "People" and not a specific person. makes me think maybe she has something going on major that has nothing to do with "love"

but whats more likely her not wanting to loose her possible LML after he sends a message sayin goodbye! so she replies to him after not talkin to him for almost a week tryin to keep him around cause if things does not work out with this other guy or if things dont work out with whatever she is dealing with she want to come back to me or its all a big coiencedence!

what do you guys think?
but we are makin progress....


Edited by PDM (12/31/09 09:57 PM)

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#392553 - 12/31/09 10:02 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Yes, progress.

As we said before, there was always the chance that it concerned someone else, & not you.

You still don't know what is going on, so don't torture yourself about it.

She seems to need time to sort herself out.

She is only 19 ~ without a mother and with a disabled father. That makes her very vulnerable.

I think that in certain situations, some people go into 'freeze' mode. They just cease doing anything, until the situation is resolved. It is not even deliberate, but rather something that they cannot help.

'Major life changing news' sounds pretty major. Let her sort herself out.

And she can't discuss it until it has been sorted out, so try to be patient a while longer.


Edited by PDM (12/31/09 10:03 PM)
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392695 - 01/02/10 03:55 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
i agree....


i thanked her for replyin to me and asked her if she needs time like we wont talk at all period untill she figures this out with the "other person" if she needs the time and space to the point we just dont even text email nothing... she did not reply!!

i was in a similar situation b4 where the girl was keepin me around while she tried to work things out with her ex bf but she did not want to loose this great guy if things with her ex did not workout...well they did not she came back to me i took her back like a fool and she cheated on me!! so i sent her message

asking her if i should not text her or try to contact her at all is that the amount of space she needs and i told her DO NOT TAKE THIS THE WRONNG WAY IAM NOT ACCUSING U OF ANYTHING I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE... i told her about my previous experience and wanted to make aure she was not keepin me in her back pocket as her plan B while she works things out with "the other person involved" and later that night like at 4am in the mornin i think she might of been partying or drunk cuz she is never up this late she made a post on facebook sayin...

*her post-->* oh, I'm sorry. Do I have a boyfriend? Hmm.. Oh.. Oops.. I forgot.

this was just a general post on her wall not specificly directed to anyone...iam thinkin it was to me iam thinkin she was drunk iam thinkin iam done with this 19 yr old little girl that i misjudged for a woman i dont know with her anymore....but i see her keepin in touch with friends on facebook tryin to get together to hangout she is gettin in touch with old friends she has not talked to in months to go out and partyy but she cant send me a text sayin hi?

my mom told me to drop her and move on with my life she is trouble but something about her makes me a sucker for her but at the same time day by day iam gettin sicker to my stomach from watchin her talk to friends wanting to hangout aand party and i cant get a single text?

i dunno anymore.. smirk

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#392741 - 01/02/10 04:46 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
I don't know, either, but sometimes, when there is a crisis, we may cling to the 'safe' people we knew when we were younger, so that we can block out the worries of the present.

You say that she is getting together with relatives and old girlfriends, which would fit.

You worry that there might be an old boyfriend in the picture ~ but you don't know.

You are right, though, that this is a very young and vulnerable girl, who may not do things the way you want her to.
She is quite a bit younger than you are.

Maybe you should move on ~ or maybe you should be patient and give this relationship every chance.

Without knowing what is going through her mind, it is impossible for me to be sure what to advise.

But one thought ~ if you were 'the one', I would have thought that it would be you who she might want to cling to in times of crisis. That's how it usually works. But there may be a good reason why she isn't doing this, I suppose.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392751 - 01/02/10 06:39 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
it over.... this is the end of this thread!

she posted on her facebook she is in a relationship and changed her pic to the photo of her and her new BF and now is posting in FB like crazyyy how happy she is then is posting how xxxxxx she is that her BF is treating her like [censored] and she does not deserve it! so yeah.... but i knew it i knew i knew it she is with another guy! i threw up my hot cocoa when i saw this guy he looks like a doof i dunno anymore now i know why i stayed single for so long and was happy cause of this xxxx i always pick winners when it comes to girls! so thx all for ur help and advice but now we find the answer she is a lil 19 yr old girl! that tried to keep me in her back pocket incase things did not work out with this guy...haha

: ( iam not sure what else there is to say but iam sick to my stomach and but gut is wrenching!!!

amazing! smile simply amazing smile hey PDM if you use facebook add me as a friend look me up by my name or email

my name is ANTHONY NIEBLAS AND MY EMAIL IS xxxxxxxx once ur my friend u can see all my post and her post! : ) take care guys ill chec k back on the thread to see if anyone has replied to this! iam out for now!!

[PDM: Best not to put e-mail addresses on the Internet :)]


Edited by PDM (01/02/10 07:38 PM)

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#392754 - 01/02/10 07:23 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
linder Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/26/09
Posts: 22
So sorry that this is the outcome but it does explain her actions... and like you said, she was keeping you on the backburner in case it didnt work out with this other guy.

Be glad you found out now before you were in any deeper, she doesnt deserve you and sounds like a game player. She could have easily replied to any of your attempts and said that she wasnt sure about your relationship as an old flame came back into herr life. There was other nicer ways to keep you as a possibility without treating you like that.

Good riddance, don't be sick to your stomach.. be happy you found out now as the potential for you to be hurt even more was much higher as time went on.

hang in there, 2010 a year for new beginnings smile

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