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#392138 - 12/27/09 07:20 AM from lust to silence from moms death?
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
Please help me!!
to give you a quick backround iam a 23 yr old male and she is a 19 yr old female. her mom passed 2 and 1/2 yrs ago and her last relation ship was about 2 yrs ago and she was used and cheated on. my last relationship was a lil over a yr ago.

we met on a online dating site...we went talked and texted all day for a week then a few dates while talking and texting all day inbetween the dates we both are very good lookin and atttrected to each other. but its what inside she is so amazing i have never me a girl that gets me the way she does and we have so much in common there was an instant connection and spark there!

we went out a few nights before xmas to the mall and for dinner it was an amazing night i bought her this wallets she wanted so bad for xmas and gave it to her ealy and at the end of the night we kissed and the fireworks went off!!

the next day on all our social sites we are on ..facebook,myspace,etc...
we both were posting how amazing our nights were and we were so happy...
on one of her post she was goin on how happy she was that i got her her wallet and she was excited cause there is so much to lookforward to. and put ...LML (for for real)
LML MEANS LOVE OF MY LIFE
i was so excited to see that and things were goin great..now the problems start.

her dad is disabled from a bad accident and her mother passed 30 months ago like i said she lives with her older brother and his fiance. she voulenteered to work xmas and xmas eve (iam thinkin not much family and what happen to her mom holidays are sad for her)

But she had xmas eve off so she was gonna go visit her dad that evening and we made plans to spend time in the afternoon. now also she said she has had a bad sinus infection for the past 4 days at this point.
so xmas eve comes and at the last minute she says she was not gonna go down to see her dad(lives hr away) so she could not see me she did not feel well.

i was upset but i could respect that i understand \.
xmas came and she worked all day and we norm text all the time but she was being quite and today i texted ger goodmorning he said hi she would only text me if i asked her a question we only txted like 4 times.

so my question is she went from textin me first thing in the morning "goodmorning babe" and textin me right before she went to sleep "good night hunny" and 70 times inbetween. she was always tryin to make plans to see me. and we were moving forward to becoming a couple and she posted on face book " LML...for real" (again love of my life) and now from xmas eve to today she has not really been talking to me that fire is gone and if i dont text her she wont text me at all. she also made a comment about not ready to get serious. when she was all about that when we first met.
is the death of her mother and the holiday season which is makin her sad abd depressed.
mixed with every guy has screwed her and lie to her.

is she afraid to go anyfurther in our relationship to actually dating each other?

what should i do? what should i ask/tell her?
i dont want to loose her. and i know she just did not stop liking me over night.

i think she is afraid to take a chance i think she is afraid to get hurt and she is hurting so much that she does not want more pain.

PLEASE HELP ME I CANT LOOSE HER ALL I DO IS THINK ABOUT HER SHE MAKES MY DAY GREAT OR WHEN THINGS ARE BAD LIKE THEY ARE NOW IT PUTS KNOTS IN MY STYOMACH AND MAKES ME SAD AND EPRESSED AND NOT WANTING TO DO ANYTHING. I NEVER BEEN IN LOVE BUT THIS IS THE CLOSEST IVE BEEN TO IT I CANT UNDERSTAND HOW SHE DID A 180 ON ME

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#392150 - 12/27/09 05:53 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
linder Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/26/09
Posts: 22
Having lost both a sister at 22 and my Dad ... Holidays are very rough along with anniversaries of birthdays and the day the losted one died. It brings up so many emotions and in a new relationship it might not be something you want to share right away. I would just give her some space, let her know you care and are there for her if she needs you but don't push. It may have just been too much too fast also... slow it down, if it's right , there's no need for rushing. SLow and easy .. build that friendship.

Good luck!

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#392151 - 12/27/09 06:11 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: linder]
BLR Offline
Copper Star Soulmate

Registered: 03/06/08
Posts: 4032
Loc: NE Oklahoma
Vans2, welcome to the forum.

Here's a thought - maybe she is sick and does not really want to have anything to do with anybody. You couple that with going ahead and working, and probably some depression I would say it does not have anything to do with you personally.

Try texting her something like "if you need anything let me know" or "are you feeling any better" since she did tell you she was getting sick.
_________________________
Barbara

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#392154 - 12/27/09 07:48 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: BLR]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
thx for the help guys now here is the thing its a few days past xmas and she has not texted me at all when she usually text me goodmorning as soon as she wakes. and i sent her a text sayin hi and how are you and asked if things are ok and i have not had a reply and that was 6 hrs ago... she deleted her page on the site we met on and she mad a post on face book " i cant handle this" i was confused her friend put a frown face and she replied to her friend "its you and me tonight for sure!" so she is not sick anymore she is just ignoring me it seems and trying to distance herself from me she sont talk to me at all now...

i dont get it she is silent...but i guess her silence tells us were we really are. and there is nothing i did or said everything was perfect and she did a 180 on me.

likeu guys said i dont want to push it and iam not but i want her to know that iam here for her and even if nothing comes of it. i still consider her a great friend shes a great person.
and she has my xmas gift! lol and i stil have to give her. her 2nd xmas gift.

and i keep looking at her and xmas gift in my room sitting there it depresses me i had this whole thing planned out for her.

so now what sould i do?

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#392169 - 12/28/09 02:12 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hi Vans2couture smile

This really does sound confusing, so I can understand why you feel as you do.

I am guessing that losing her Mum, plus her Dad being disabled, and then being ill over Christmas, has probably affected her ~ but the rest I cannot really understand.

The only thing I can think of is that she really thought of you as the 'love of her life' and that this scared her, as she is only 19, and 'not ready to get serious'.

I am wondering about: "i cant handle this".
I wonder what, exactly, it is that she can't handle.
Is it the fear that, though she feels that you are the love of her life, she worries that you will let her down??

Is there a problem in her family, or elsewhere, that you don't know about?

Perhaps she needed to talk to someone about her feelings ~ hence the meeting with the friend.

It is unusual for a girl to go from thinking that you are the love of her life, to ignoring you completely, unless she has problems of some kind.

You could try writing her a letter.

You could admit to being confused by her actions and assure her that you do not want to pressure her into doing anything that she isn't ready for, etc, etc, and give her time to read it, re-read it, think about it, and make her decision.

Maybe, if you are patient with her, you will be rewarded with her friendship at the very least.

Good luck smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392180 - 12/28/09 06:11 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
thank you so much pdm you nailed my thoughts on the head thats everything i was thinkin!

and i did just write her an email on facebook ( she is on FB the most) tellin her i understand why should would feel the way she may also that iam confused by her actions and that i want to build our friendship i dont want to rush things and here is a lil fact i left out:

**on the dating site we met on she made a fake account and tried to message me and hook up with me to see if i would take the bait but i figured out it was her off the bat and i called her out on it and she felt so bad but she said she cant trust guys they all are liars and she wanted to make sure i was not a liar and this was in the very begining of when we met and i passed the test**

so i understand her putting up a wall to preotect herself and that she got spooked that things were goin so great so fast. and that iam here for her i car about her as a friend first and foremost and even if things dont come together for us i still want to remain her good friend.

to sum up the letter as short as i can.

so thx for helping me confirm what i thought and if you are interested i will keep you in touch!

thx..

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#392183 - 12/28/09 06:24 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
also as u know she is 19 she went to cosmetic school and is getting ready to attend the local community college to build credits to transfer to the local university ( university of south fl. USF ) so she said she did not want to get serious cuz she had too much goin on in life....but so do i run my own high performance shop so i work on my own time for the most part but iam closing it down to go back to school (gettin into the med field, surgical tech for now then surgical nurse then at that point in my life i will see where iam but want to attend med school to be an m.d)

but thats no reason to turn down a great relationship and you cant be with the love of ur life cuz u have too much goin on?
sounds like and excuse of her bein afraid to move forward in the relationship to me.

what do u guys think does that make any difference? Am i right about her makin that an excuse to move forward she is afraid?

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#392201 - 12/28/09 08:44 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
ok guys so she did not reply to that message and iam not sure what is goin on now she posted on her face book THIS IS HER ---always always ALWAYS go with your gut feeling... Always... People are so full of shit.. && to think that I am THAT xxxxxxx niave?! Go.to.hell.please!! THIS IS HER AUNT--Gina Pisano Walther :( love you THIS IS HER--love you too aunt gina!!! I can't wait to come see you!! I need to get the hell out of this placeeeeeee ok now iam super confused there has to be something else going on cause i never did anything to her i dont think she is naive she did not reply to mny message iam tryin to be pateint to work it out but iam bout to just explode on her PLEASE ANYONE HELP ME NOW!!!


Edited by PDM (12/28/09 08:55 PM)

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#392204 - 12/28/09 09:03 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Well, as I said, I did wonder if something else was going on, that you didn't know about. It sounds as if this could be the case, and that she is sticking close to just friends & family because of it.

However ...

It is always possible that she has been told something, about you, that has rocked her trust in you.

Maybe someone invented something, or she misinterpreted something, or she discovered sonmething that she didn't like.
Or maybe it is something that has nothing at all to do with you.

Give her some time to sort out whatever has happened in her life ~ and hope that she will contact you.

And writing a letter is not the same as sending an e-mail.
A letter is tangible. It has your handwriting on it. It can be kept under the pillow and re-read whenever one chooses.

I wish that I could be more helpful.
I'm confused by it, too. smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392205 - 12/28/09 09:04 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
OK i may be doin this backward but here is the message i sent her then the next day she post the above on her FB and she still has not talked to me i did not do anything to her nothing but good and iam starting to think she is truly afraid of it and running from it? i dunno at this point anymore...but here is what i wrote her....



hey i just wanted to let you know that when we were textin a few nights ago it was late and we were sending long text..lol...anyways you said your not ready to get serious. and when i replied to that i was sleep deprived and was feelin woozy from too much cough syrup. : )

anyways i suck at tellin ppl how i feel via text or email etc... i do much better in person. i think what i was tryin to tell you is that....


i do not want to rush things either i was more concerned about buildin our friendship. and yeah i was caught up in the "puppy love" or what ever u want to call it. i have not been in a relationship for about a yr and a half and the first girl i start to talk to is amazing and perfect in my eyes. so i was all excited and giddy about it. And as far as getting serious i cant say if iam ready or not.. if its right ill go with it. but i do know after all my bad relationships and bein screwed over used and cheated on i do put a pretty high wall up to protect myself but with u. it seems like u had an even higher ladder to climb over that wall

but after seein what u did on okc to see if i was a fraud i knew you had a wall up also. after what happened in your last relationship.

Now iam not sure what happened after the night we went out and things were goin great and you posted that "LML..FOR REAL" post i knew thing were goin good. but the holidays get here and when you were gonna hang with me b4 u spent time with ur dad and that did not happen and then on xmas you were... well you were not rejoicing in xmas spirit. and i know with your mom bein gone makes this time of year hard on you. And thats all i know is that it makes it hard i cant sit here and say i understand exacxtly how you feel and i have no right to tell you things like the pain never goes away but it gets easier slowly but surely cause i dont know it does.

But you dont go from posting LML on FB to not even talking to me at all for no reason.

And i may be wrong with this! hell, i may be way off but you know i over analyze things and this has been driving me crazy how you pull a complete 180 but this is what makes the most sense to me.

i think the combination of the holidays and the wall u had up to protect yourself (bein u have not dated anyone after bein used and cheated on ) and the fact that things were goin so good with us but it seemed maybe like they were goin kinda fast. spooked you! it was too good to be true kinda thing....


and if that is the way u feel i understand why u feel the way u may feel but i promise i wont hurt u! I learned sometimes u need to take a chance to get what you want or what your heart desires.

let me be your friend and lets build our friendship. Cause no matter what i want to be your friend you are an amazing person and would love your friendship even if nothing comes of us.

Now again i may be way off something else may be goin on that iam not aware of. But with you suddenly stop talkin to me puts a red flag up...

theres a million things it can be and i've drove myself mad thinkin about what could be goin on.

did i do something wrong?
maybe you want nothing to do with me anymore...
maybe you met another guy that puts a bigger smiler on your face...

But whatever it is i hope the best for you and i want you to know that you can tell me anything its better than silence. even if you want nothing to do with me you can tell me.

Take care sweetie and i hope nothing but the best for you. cause i do care about you.

ciao bella! : )

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#392206 - 12/28/09 09:09 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
That sounds genuine and caring.

I suppose that it's possible that she has misinterpreted it, and thinks that maybe you now only want to be friends???

I don't know, sorry frown
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392215 - 12/29/09 12:02 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
first of PDM thx for stayin with me and replying i appreciate all ur input!You have been very helpful and re-assuring. i got this last question/theory for you and then ill keep you in touch if you are interested in what happens!

And there is alot of small backround info the u are unaware of like what we talk about in our text when we play around and flirt you know things that if i was to tell you everything i could write s book but you have the main importain details...

but one thing is in the email i wrote her(the one i posted) when i said in the start of the email when we were texting the othe night and i was sleep deprived and woozy from too much cough medicine....we were talkin about gettin serious and thats when she said she does not want to get serious cause she is too busy and i told her i understood but i want to work on establishing a relationship ( you know build a solid friendship as the foundation. then work onto a actually dating relationship as the walls..etc...) thats what i was tryin to tell her so i thought she misunderstood me and thought i wanted to get serious but not right now wanted to start to work are way to be serious but faster than i implied..(if that makes any sense to you) so i know in the letter i posted she did not mistake me for sayin i want to only be friends just cause of our previous textin. i may be wrong but iam 99.7% certain of it!

And she does not know anyone that knows me! so there is noway she could of found out anything about me from somone else i am 100% sure about that and there is nothing bad about me that she does not know i told her everything so there would be nothing to come out the closet.

I have concluded one of the following- that she is freaked out about me bein possibly bein the LOVE OF HER LIFE (LML) and she has never been treated soo good buy a man who takes her out for a nice dinner and pays for it! who gives her flowers and who does not try to make any moves on her to get in her pants. basiclly I was a perfect gentleman and gave ger the nights if her life! (and iam not full of myself or cocky) and she has never had any of that all her previous men used her for her money and cheated on her. Hell i bought her the juicy couture wallet she wanted for xmas that i made s special effort to have the sales lady from nordstroms go in the back warehouse and find the only black on they had(she wanted black all they had was pink) and dropped $80 on the wallet. she never had any of that and to her all men are liars she has trust issues so i think she thinks one of these...

1.)she thinks this is too good to be true he will screw me over and hurt me in the end.
2.)she thinks omg he is the LML and iam afraid he will hurt me
3.)she thinks this is too good to be true he is trying to pull a fast one me and use me. iam not falling for his trap
4.)she thinks he is the LML and its to good to be true alli ever felt is pain and iam spooked that this is really happening.

Or she is having some other personal problems that iam nor aware of and is having a hard time dealin with it. And does not want to drag me into it. or something along those lines..but if that is the case why ignore me?why not tell me she has something goin on and needs time? thats why i doubt this is it..

But dec 26th at 2pm is the last contact i made with her and last night i sent her that message i posted. how much time do i give her? how long do i wait before i send her a message sayin something like....


""" What the hell is goin on?
Why are you not talking to me?
Do you expect me to wait here?
(All alone in my thoughts and fears)
My whole life could flash before your eyes
(Hope one day that you realize)
This isn't the way it's supposed to be
(This is your life girl, now without me)
May regrets for us well up inside
(As feelings for you are buried alive)"""

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#392243 - 12/29/09 01:51 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Quote:
i cant handle this
always always ALWAYS go with your gut feeling... Always...
People are so full of [censored]
to think that I am THAT xxxxxxx niave?!
Go.to.hell.please!!
I need to get the hell out of this placeeeeeee

This is a very strong reaction to something.

She 'can't handle' it, so it is something so bad, or difficult, that she cannot cope with it.
She says 'people', so it's someone, rather than something ~ or maybe a number of persons.
She wants the person(s) involved to go away, or feels that she needs to get away ('Go.to.hell' ... 'I need to get the hell out' ...)
Since she says that she needs to get away, it must be someone nearby.
She says that she has been naive, so she feels that she has trusted someone who cannot be trusted, or felt that she was on the same wavelength as someone, when she wasn't.
She says that 'people are so full of [censored]', so, I think that she is talking about someone she considers to be bad, or someone who lies.
She says 'always always ALWAYS go with your gut feeling... Always... ', so must feel that she was right to be wary and should have done as she always does ~ presumably keeping up her guard.
'Go.to.hell.please!!' sounds like a combination of anger and despair.

It may not be about you ~ or indeed any boy. It may concern friends or family.
But, to me, it sounds as if she either she met someone else over Christmas, who she feels she was wrong to get involved with, and now feels terrible about, and cannot tell you about, or, for some reason, she feels that she shouldn't have trusted you, and should have remained reserved and wary with you, and now needs to get away from you, because she cannot trust you, or feels that your intentions, or expectations, are not the same as hers.

Whatever it is, she sounds angry, confused, unhappy and annoyed ~ with herself and with others.

If I were you, I, too, would want to know what was behind all of this, but if she uis unwilling to contact you, then I don't know if you will ever get your answers. You may just have to be very patient for a while longer.

How well do you actually know this girl?
How long have you been in touch with her, and how long is it since you actually met?
Have you met her friends and family?
Is it possible that she has issues that you are unaware of?

And don't forget that she is only 19 ~ a teenager. That is still very young ~ possibly too young for even thinking about potentially long-term commitments. And she doesn't have her Mum to talk to about this. Maybe she just feels too pressured by it all.

I am wondering if you may have read too much into " LML...for real"
Quote:
...we both were posting how amazing our nights were and we were so happy...
on one of her post she was goin on how happy she was that i got her her wallet and she was excited cause there is so much to lookforward to. and put ...LML (for for real)
LML MEANS LOVE OF MY LIFE
i was so excited to see that and things were goin great..now the problems start. ...

Quote:
...we were moving forward to becoming a couple and she posted on face book " LML...for real" (again love of my life) and now from xmas eve to today she has not really been talking to me ...

I may be wrong, but it sounds as if things started to cool after she posted 'LML' and you became 'so excited' about it.
How did you actually respond when she posted that?
Could your excited response have put her on her guard??
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392289 - 12/29/09 10:43 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
thanks again PDM i cant thank you enough by the way for staying with my thread!

this is driving me crazy i have so much i have to do! so much on my plate i need to take care of in my life but all i think about is this and tryin to figure it out i cant just focus on things i need to be focusing on!

And i met her older brother his fiance and there son so her nephew and i met a few of her friends i have not met dad or grandma cuz they live over an hr away. but i met ll her family in the close area i met her best friend.

we have known each other about a month but we talked every single day for that month and txt each other 70 times a day.

And as far as my response to LML. i did not know what that meant so i asked her and she told me love of my life...and my response was : ) i did not overbear her with the ohmygod your the love of my life too! and i did not undermind it either like is freaked me out i simply : ) and expressed i was happy about it!!

But in searching for answers i found something she posted on her blog july 31st of this yr. ----->

its it too much to ask for?
is decency too much to ask for in a guy?


i mean really..


all i need in life is someone who i can hold conversations with.. and we never run out of things to say.
someone to be there for me and support me no matter what.
someone who is going to tell me i am beautiful and cute instead of hot and sexy..
someone who just understands the little things that make me smile.
"sweatpants. hair tied. chillen with no makeup on.. thats when youre the prettiest i hope that you dont take me wrong" someone to say that to me.. and actually mean it.
someone who isnt going to lie and cheat
someone i can trust with my all
someone who trusts me..
ughhhhhhh idk
decency.. is all i ask for.
but i dont think ill be finding it anytime soon.


<---- well you know what iam all of those thing iam her decent guy thats why she said LML! but she said she was not expecting to find one anytime soon meaning she did not think there was one out there 4 months later i come along! SUPRISE! there is a decent guy for you!

But i love the way your processed her post... i alway over analyze things and look for answers with everything but i was so off balance with this i could not break it down myself.

I think iam just gonna ask her straight up what is goin on iam tryin to be pateint but i cant wait forever but i will be gentle and caring about it!

what do u think of it all and we are getting to the end of this threads life cause i cant take this no more!

Thanks again for everything PDM !!!

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#392292 - 12/29/09 11:16 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
Chachi's mom Dee Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/08/09
Posts: 14
Loc: New Jersey
hi vans, I am coming a little late on this post, but it caught my eye. My b/f lost his mom 3 yrs ago and holidays are extremely hard for him, it has been hell the last few weeks, so she could be still reeling from that. Also, I would not push too much, then you seem stalkerish, thats the last thing you want to do. In fact you do not know her well at all, so this could have been a game for her, or she got what she wanted out of you. I am not saying this to be mean, just letting you know what has happened to me in the past. People have a great way of bs others. IMO, you should just chalk it up as a loss and find someone true to you. I found my bf online and he is amazing, he is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. I had to kiss a lot of frogs to get this one, so be ready, lol. Good luck!

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#392307 - 12/30/09 12:29 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: Chachi's mom Dee]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hi Chachi's mom Dee. smile

Yes, a month isn't very long; not to be sure that one knows someone else.
On the other hand, for some, it can be as long as one needs.
It just depends.

Maybe this girl isn't really ready for anyone yet.

Grief can last a long time & can affect many aspects of one's life.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392335 - 12/30/09 02:10 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
Chachi's mom Dee Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/08/09
Posts: 14
Loc: New Jersey
Hi PDM,

Oh I know what you mean! She might not be, not at 19, I know when I was 19 MANY years ago, all i wanted was to have a good time, I was no where near ready to settle with anyone or even have a steady boyfriend. I did not have my first "real" boyfriend until I was about 23ish, that lasted for 3 yrs. Now that I am much older and I have gotten all the fun out of my system I am ready to settle down. I know it varies for everyone, but I think 19 now and days is too young to be settling down.

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#392336 - 12/30/09 02:24 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: Chachi's mom Dee]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
this girls mom died when she was 16 her dad then became handicapped from a bad motorcycle accident she is very grown up she had to take care of her dad pay his bills and her bills at the same time. if you met her you would have no clue she is 19 i keep forgetting she is 19. shes a big girl at earned everything she has on her own....she had matured very fast and she is not the party type she is like me workin your ass of the acheive your goals in life she is a mgr where she works and works alot she is getting ready to cut back on the work and replace it with school... and as far as using me she has $$$ so i dont thinl she needs my $$$.... and yeah the holidays may be hard on her but ots no reason to not talk to me for 4 days...

and i was the kinda guy from 16 to 22 that i always needed a girlfriend i had alot of bad relationships bein used for my $$ cheated on and spit out! so i finally decided not stop looking live life and when that special girl came along she came along i dont beleive in time frames if it feels right i go with it! and after a yr and a half of not dating she comes along and she was perfect (so i thought depending on what is goin on here) so once i get over this and get my life goin again i will not look for a GF i will wait for her to find me!

thanks again for all ur help but iM GONNA DRIVE TO HER HOUSE DROP OF HER 2ND XMAS GIFT WITH NOTE INSIDE AND UST END IT IAM SICKAND TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BE HAPPY CAUSE IAM SO INVOLVED IN FIGURING OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO HER!

TAKE CARE ALL AND IF SOMETHING HAPPENS ILL POST IT AND LET U KNOW IN CASE U ARE INTERESTED!!!!

SINCERLY ANTHONY!

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#392340 - 12/30/09 03:51 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Ok.
Be careful.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392344 - 12/30/09 06:21 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
Thankyou PDM .... i dont want to seem like a stalker so i think aim just gonna drop the gift off on her front porch..

ohyeah and in that not iam gonna be sweet caring and truthful! but iam gonna get the point across if she does not want to be with me or be my friend or have anything to do with me to please tell me! she is pulling a coward move and ignoring every text message or email and i know thaT SHE HAS GOT THEM...

thx again PDM for everything and i want u to know what happens cause u put so much of ur time into helpin me! ill come straight to u and let u know!!!!

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#392354 - 12/30/09 02:50 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Good luck! smile

But, yes, while you need to know what is going on, it is important to remember that emotional problems could be really rough on a teenage girl without her Mum.


Edited by PDM (12/30/09 02:52 PM)
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392380 - 12/30/09 08:46 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
linder Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/26/09
Posts: 22
Originally Posted By: vans2couture
this girls mom died when she was 16 her dad then became handicapped from a bad motorcycle accident she is very grown up she had to take care of her dad pay his bills and her bills at the same time. if you met her you would have no clue she is 19 i keep forgetting she is 19. shes a big girl at earned everything she has on her own....she had matured very fast and she is not the party type she is like me workin your ass of the acheive your goals in life she is a mgr where she works and works alot she is getting ready to cut back on the work and replace it with school... and as far as using me she has $$$ so i dont thinl she needs my $$$.... and yeah the holidays may be hard on her but ots no reason to not talk to me for 4 days...

People don't always use you for $$$, sometimes people need the emotional closeness and connection and use you for that... even though they arent capable of sustaining an actual relationship.
Also just because she was forced to grow up young doesnt mean she wants to continue that path. She may just want to have fun right now and be a college student and not have so many responsibilities like she was forced to have. College may be an escape in a way. It's definitely a time to stretch your wings and try new things. Which in her case is not being responsible.

Originally Posted By: vans2couture

and i was the kinda guy from 16 to 22 that i always needed a girlfriend i had alot of bad relationships bein used for my $$ cheated on and spit out! so i finally decided not stop looking live life and when that special girl came along she came along i dont beleive in time frames if it feels right i go with it! and after a yr and a half of not dating she comes along and she was perfect (so i thought depending on what is goin on here) so once i get over this and get my life goin again i will not look for a GF i will wait for her to find me!

thanks again for all ur help but iM GONNA DRIVE TO HER HOUSE DROP OF HER 2ND XMAS GIFT WITH NOTE INSIDE AND UST END IT IAM SICKAND TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BE HAPPY CAUSE IAM SO INVOLVED IN FIGURING OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO HER!

TAKE CARE ALL AND IF SOMETHING HAPPENS ILL POST IT AND LET U KNOW IN CASE U ARE INTERESTED!!!!

SINCERLY ANTHONY!


Anthony, Good luck, I hope that in dropping off the present you dont set yourself up again for expectations for a reply. I think you best bet is to back off. She knows how to get a hold of you, and hasnt contacted you. As tough as that is.. move on and get your own stuff done. I agree that she is a coward for not responding but you cant force her to. I didnt catch anywhere that you both had agreed to an exclusive relationship and made an actual commitment to each other verbally. That seems to be what you assume was there but apparently she didnt. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Try to move on and if it's meant to be.. it will happen eventually.


Linder

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#392403 - 12/31/09 03:14 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: linder]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
EVERYONE!!!! makes good points!!!

and i know that not everyone uses ppl for $$$ i was just in a hurry so i tried to get my point across that i dont hink she was using me but i get it. llke i said i use to be that guy from 16-22 that need a GF and i use to date girls and use them just so i was not lonley just so i had someone to call babe and stay up all night talkin with on the phone etc... but she was not using me for that reason iam certain of it.(but if she did the karma is a [censored] cuz the last girl i talked to i used here for that reason then stop talkin to her mainly cause she was a ditz and could not add 2+2) but to get back to the point all i really want is an answer!

why did she all of the sudden go mute on me? granted she is a very special girl and i KNOW we can have great things come of us and that is what was really buggin me i wanted to be with her. i have accepted it is prob over but i just want to know why she did it??

and also iam not expecting a response when i drop of her 2nd xmas gift i just want her to have it.

also deep down i know its over! just chalk it up as a lost but i have this lil angel sayin what if? what if something bad happened to her and she still wants to be with u and u can salvage the relationship. she just needed a week or 2 to get over this really bad thing thsat happend?

then the other angel says there is nothing that can happen to hear for her not to atleast send u a texxt or email sayin listen ... happened and iam gonna need 2 weeks. there is no reason for her not to reply to me at all even if her dad brother and grandma died she could and still should at least txt me and say listen...... iam sorry

but bein 100% mute is drivin me up the wall all i want is answers!

And iam the kinda person that always wants the truth want to figure out the answer to the puzzle ( if you are familiar with the show house and know how doctor house always needs to find the answer for every puzzle or riddle that how i am but not willin to commit felony to do it lol)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

(edited by Lisa - please remember NO SWEARS ALLOWED - we have minors in this forum)


Edited by Lisa Shea (12/31/09 05:27 AM)

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#392542 - 01/01/10 02:26 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Of course you want answers. Anyone would, in your situation.
However, no-one on here has heard the girl's side of the story, so no-one here can give you the correct answer. We can only provide suggestions ~ but, of course, you know that.

There may have been a misunderstanding ~ and if that is what it is, then yes, maybe it can still be a story with a happy ending.

How to find that out, though?
I wish you luck.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392548 - 01/01/10 02:44 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
OK OK OK !!!!!

SHE REPLIED TO ME!!!!!! someone call 911!!!!!

i sent her a message saying goodbye basiclly you lost your decent guy to make this short and sweet and she replied...

hey I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you.. I just found out some major life changing news and I'm working things out with the other person it involves. Sorry don't take this to heart please, it had nothing to do with you.. But I've got some things to figure out.. I'll talk more about it when the time comes but for now my lips are sealed because I don't want to jynx anything.


ok so i at least knows it has nothing to do with me that puts my delicate mind at ease!! but now this brings up more questions! lol here we go again...

my first thought was someother guy came into her life that she wants to try it out with or an ex came back into her life that she wants to make work but she does not want to loose me if it does not work out with this "OTHER PERSON IT INVOLVES"

and what makes me think this is that as soon as i send her a message sayin goodbye this is gonna be your life with out me. she replies to me with this message....

now maybe its all a coincedence cause she made a post on her face book sayin " this [censored] needs a [censored] punt! " like she is xxxxxx with some chick.... and with her other post that you broke down PDM with her referring to "People" and not a specific person. makes me think maybe she has something going on major that has nothing to do with "love"

but whats more likely her not wanting to loose her possible LML after he sends a message sayin goodbye! so she replies to him after not talkin to him for almost a week tryin to keep him around cause if things does not work out with this other guy or if things dont work out with whatever she is dealing with she want to come back to me or its all a big coiencedence!

what do you guys think?
but we are makin progress....


Edited by PDM (01/01/10 02:57 AM)

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#392553 - 01/01/10 03:02 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Yes, progress.

As we said before, there was always the chance that it concerned someone else, & not you.

You still don't know what is going on, so don't torture yourself about it.

She seems to need time to sort herself out.

She is only 19 ~ without a mother and with a disabled father. That makes her very vulnerable.

I think that in certain situations, some people go into 'freeze' mode. They just cease doing anything, until the situation is resolved. It is not even deliberate, but rather something that they cannot help.

'Major life changing news' sounds pretty major. Let her sort herself out.

And she can't discuss it until it has been sorted out, so try to be patient a while longer.


Edited by PDM (01/01/10 03:03 AM)
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392695 - 01/02/10 08:55 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
i agree....


i thanked her for replyin to me and asked her if she needs time like we wont talk at all period untill she figures this out with the "other person" if she needs the time and space to the point we just dont even text email nothing... she did not reply!!

i was in a similar situation b4 where the girl was keepin me around while she tried to work things out with her ex bf but she did not want to loose this great guy if things with her ex did not workout...well they did not she came back to me i took her back like a fool and she cheated on me!! so i sent her message

asking her if i should not text her or try to contact her at all is that the amount of space she needs and i told her DO NOT TAKE THIS THE WRONNG WAY IAM NOT ACCUSING U OF ANYTHING I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE... i told her about my previous experience and wanted to make aure she was not keepin me in her back pocket as her plan B while she works things out with "the other person involved" and later that night like at 4am in the mornin i think she might of been partying or drunk cuz she is never up this late she made a post on facebook sayin...

*her post-->* oh, I'm sorry. Do I have a boyfriend? Hmm.. Oh.. Oops.. I forgot.

this was just a general post on her wall not specificly directed to anyone...iam thinkin it was to me iam thinkin she was drunk iam thinkin iam done with this 19 yr old little girl that i misjudged for a woman i dont know with her anymore....but i see her keepin in touch with friends on facebook tryin to get together to hangout she is gettin in touch with old friends she has not talked to in months to go out and partyy but she cant send me a text sayin hi?

my mom told me to drop her and move on with my life she is trouble but something about her makes me a sucker for her but at the same time day by day iam gettin sicker to my stomach from watchin her talk to friends wanting to hangout aand party and i cant get a single text?

i dunno anymore.. smirk

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#392741 - 01/02/10 09:46 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
I don't know, either, but sometimes, when there is a crisis, we may cling to the 'safe' people we knew when we were younger, so that we can block out the worries of the present.

You say that she is getting together with relatives and old girlfriends, which would fit.

You worry that there might be an old boyfriend in the picture ~ but you don't know.

You are right, though, that this is a very young and vulnerable girl, who may not do things the way you want her to.
She is quite a bit younger than you are.

Maybe you should move on ~ or maybe you should be patient and give this relationship every chance.

Without knowing what is going through her mind, it is impossible for me to be sure what to advise.

But one thought ~ if you were 'the one', I would have thought that it would be you who she might want to cling to in times of crisis. That's how it usually works. But there may be a good reason why she isn't doing this, I suppose.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#392751 - 01/02/10 11:39 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
it over.... this is the end of this thread!

she posted on her facebook she is in a relationship and changed her pic to the photo of her and her new BF and now is posting in FB like crazyyy how happy she is then is posting how xxxxxx she is that her BF is treating her like [censored] and she does not deserve it! so yeah.... but i knew it i knew i knew it she is with another guy! i threw up my hot cocoa when i saw this guy he looks like a doof i dunno anymore now i know why i stayed single for so long and was happy cause of this xxxx i always pick winners when it comes to girls! so thx all for ur help and advice but now we find the answer she is a lil 19 yr old girl! that tried to keep me in her back pocket incase things did not work out with this guy...haha

: ( iam not sure what else there is to say but iam sick to my stomach and but gut is wrenching!!!

amazing! smile simply amazing smile hey PDM if you use facebook add me as a friend look me up by my name or email

my name is ANTHONY NIEBLAS AND MY EMAIL IS xxxxxxxx once ur my friend u can see all my post and her post! : ) take care guys ill chec k back on the thread to see if anyone has replied to this! iam out for now!!

[PDM: Best not to put e-mail addresses on the Internet :)]


Edited by PDM (01/03/10 12:38 AM)

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#392754 - 01/03/10 12:23 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
linder Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/26/09
Posts: 22
So sorry that this is the outcome but it does explain her actions... and like you said, she was keeping you on the backburner in case it didnt work out with this other guy.

Be glad you found out now before you were in any deeper, she doesnt deserve you and sounds like a game player. She could have easily replied to any of your attempts and said that she wasnt sure about your relationship as an old flame came back into herr life. There was other nicer ways to keep you as a possibility without treating you like that.

Good riddance, don't be sick to your stomach.. be happy you found out now as the potential for you to be hurt even more was much higher as time went on.

hang in there, 2010 a year for new beginnings smile

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#392755 - 01/03/10 12:42 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: linder]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Yes, Anthony, Linder is right.

Better to know now.

Better not to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't really want to be there.

However, it must be difficult to deal with.

I am sorry that you went through all this, but, as you say, she is a 19 year old mixed-up kid, who is not ready for the type of relationship that you can provide, and who would rather be badly-treated by someone else.

Sad.

Good luck for 2010 smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#393094 - 01/06/10 11:41 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
Chachi's mom Dee Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/08/09
Posts: 14
Loc: New Jersey
Good luck vans, but to me she doesn't even deserve the second gift, she did you wrong plain and simple. I am sure you will find a nice girl who cares for you as much as you care for her, who knows, maybe here in the forums? Stranger thinks have happened....

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#393402 - 01/12/10 02:55 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: Chachi's mom Dee]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
hey pdm or anyone else if u are still following this by chance just to let u know she got dumped by the other guy it only lasted like a week lol

amazing she puts me through all this to get dumped in a week wow!! and she was postin on her FB how sad she was and heartbroken lmao plz karma is a [censored]!!!

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#393414 - 01/12/10 09:55 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Well, as you say, it looks like karma.

But try not to be too hard on her ~ it won't help you, and, as we have said before, she is very young and has endured some awful experiences.

When she is older, she may realise how thoughtless she was with you.
It is often the way. She may not even realise until she has sons or grandsons of her own.

Meanwhile, stay positive and you will meet your 'Miss Right'.

Good luck smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#393457 - 01/12/10 10:02 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
yeah i've gotten over her...(still really deep inside there is still a part of me that has feelings for her) but we really dont even talk anymore and i have not talked to her since she got dumped. but i just wanted to let u guys know what happened..lol i dunno it xxxxxx me off that she put me through this and went with this other guy who dumps her in a week and i would of treated her like a queen but at the same time its kinda comical to see karma kick her in xxx so fast thats all...

but as for me iam not looking for anyone i wasnt when i met her...iam just livin my life and when miss right comes she comes. iam not gonna push the issue tryin to find love... i got hurt too many times pushing and pushing tryin to search left and right for love. so iam just back to livin my life. and yeah it does get lonley at times but iam not afraid to keep on livin iam not afraid to walk this world alone.

but thanks again for all your help!!!


Edited by PDM (01/12/10 11:19 PM)

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#393462 - 01/12/10 11:19 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Take care smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#393478 - 01/13/10 11:37 PM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
linder Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/26/09
Posts: 22
thanks for the update Anthony, I was wondering how you were doing the other day. Sounds like Karma definitely kicked in.
I like your attitude about moving forward. You deserve someone a little more mature. Good luck to you!

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#393535 - 01/15/10 01:04 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: linder]
vans2couture Offline
New Member

Registered: 12/27/09
Posts: 17
thankyou very much linder and pdm!!

by the way i actually talked to her last night and if you remeber from my previous post she had "life changing news" well i found out what that was. she got pregnant by this guy! and then she "miscarried" the baby. ( i honestly think she had an abortion she had 1 already and told me she does not want to bring a child into this world untill she is stable and ready to have a family) but whatever happened she was pregnant but the baby no longer exsist. smirk which is sad news mainly for the poor baby but for her too i dont care want she did to me if she did miscarry the baby i feel for her.

but anyways lol my point is this makes me feel better and worst in a way.. it makes me feel worst cause while she was talkin to me and gettin ready to start dating she was off gettin porked my someother guy! and this makes me feel better cuz it is life changing news and alot to deal with and i can kinda understand why she went mute on me! but at the same time she could of atleast said something to me! ya know?

but i just wanted to fill u guys in on that. i thought u might find it interesting!! lol : )

thanks again alll!!!!

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#393539 - 01/15/10 01:09 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: vans2couture]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#394162 - 01/26/10 12:00 AM Re: from lust to silence from moms death? [Re: PDM]
Lisa Shea Offline

Gold Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 6097
Loc: US
That does make everything fit into place much more easily. Maybe she did not want to be with that guy but because she was pregnant she felt like she had to try to make it work. With everything else going on in her life she was probably an absolute basket case.

She might have not been cheating on you - she might have gotten pregnant before you started dating and only realized it later on. With all the things going on in her life, it's not unusual for a girl to miss a period or two due to stress. She might have thought that was the case.
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