So far this pillow with the gravel is working fine, not smushing down like a regular throw pillow does.

Did you end up giving this a try? Did it work out well?

I still like my cork bits idea, I think that would give you a good texture without pointy bits.

No pointy bits on aquarium gravel, that is something aquarists don't want as it rips up fins.

Yes, the pillow is working wonderfully! I love it. It's the perfect solution.

Some days I find the five minutes speeds right by, and other days I wonder if my timer stopped.

One thing that happens with regularity is that the dogs rub up on me for petting when I sit there on the floor. Frodo actually crawls in my lap and Kaylee rubs her head all over my hand.

It makes me laugh but takes me out of the 'moment' of what I am trying to accomplish.

I love the dogs and I sense they like the energy I am putting out, so they can keep bugging me if they like. I will learn to work around it.

I suppose it's a test of sorts, to see if you can keep meditating even with very real distractions around you. That way you can get to the point that you can meditate in a noisy airport!

I am planning on sleeping downstairs tonight - I don't want to sleep up in my bed where Hammie always laid on me. So I just steam cleaned the downstairs living room carpet, and put a fresh cover on the futon. I started a fire in the fireplace. So things are seeming calm and quiet. Bob is off playing his first game of darts with his new team. So maybe this is the perfect time to get the pillow (which I'd put up in James' room) and meditate.

ok that didn't work well at all, all I kept thinking about is Hammie and how he looked when his legs failed and how I kept shouting for Bob.

I think it's better if I keep distracting myself with forum posts for a while.

Ouch, I am sorry about your meditation nightmare. Maybe try some soothing yoga. Or some hard yoga. I find when I am ruminating anxiously I can put it out of my head with something that requires total concentration on something else.

I like the idea of sleeping by the fire in a fresh clean area. I hope you can get restful sleep. Is Juliet with you?

Oh yeah. The moment I have time to start thinking, it's the end of that! When I get in bed and turn the tv off, that's where my head goes; to the scene at the vet, with him sick and laying there, with me holding him and talking to him as they start the process. I don't think I'll ever forget that. it was not the first time I've been present at such a time, but the first time for a pet of mine. I went with a friend for support and to get her doggie out of the car, a dobie, whom I really loved, and her owner could not do these things. She was immobilzed. (SP) I was shattered of course, but I could be there for my friend. In my own instance, I went alone because this was between me and my Merlin, and I wanted to be there for him with no distractions.

Today was a very hard day for me. I will be going along with my day, getting things done, working and whatever, till someone says something about him., and I seem to fall apart and relive the whole thing all over again!
One night I was dreaming that I couldn't find him. So I woke up and jumped up, upset that I couldn't find him till I realized that he is not here and will not be here again! OMG, that was hard.

I realize that I have to do something about this. So far, the only thing I've been able to do is to take him off of my picture-mail thing. I know it must seem silly, but I had a hard time doing that. he is still on my screen saver on my phone, and all his things are right where they were before he passed. I KNOW that i need to get myself a grip! Maybe I'm in denial. IDK.

Oops, sorry I missed your post. I hope you've been ok. It is sooo hard to have a loved one suddenly gone. have you removed the picture thing?

I know my dad has a little shrine to his beloved Sheltie out in the garage. Every year he seems to miss Sparky a little less. So the pain does start to dull.

On really bad days I grab books and magazines and crawl into bed. Is that something you can do?

Going for a walk also helps.

It does help for us to have Hammie's ashes on the mantel. I know different people have different views on that, but for us it is comforting.

For meditation, I am up to 20 minutes a day. I find the time very peaceful and renewing. I meditate with my eyes closed, on my pillow, in silence.

That is great you are meditating for 20 minutes! What an accomplishment.

I have given up trying to do anything healthy until we move into the RV. It's too overwhelming to think about making time for yoga, meditation or even daily fitness with my brain being overloaded. I look forward to getting in the RV and getting back to my healthy habits again.

I really like my five minutes! 20 sounds overwhelming. Do you feel yourself getting anxious about at all, or impatient? I am very impressed, BTW.