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#403176 - 07/12/10 11:57 PM Counseling
Niki Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 12/05/05
Posts: 1720
Loc: New York
Things are coming apart and I would really like to get into marital counseling before it's the end. I'm just concerned about the cost and how to find one. Does anyone know how much sessions run for psychologists?
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#403182 - 07/13/10 07:38 AM Re: Counseling [Re: Niki]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Hello Niki smile

I am really sorry ~ and surprised ~ to hear this.

As I live in the UK, I have no idea about prices over there, but I know that relationship counselling can be very helpful for some people, and I really wish you well.
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#403188 - 07/13/10 12:13 PM Re: Counseling [Re: PDM]
Niki Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 12/05/05
Posts: 1720
Loc: New York
Yeah - surprise, surprise. Seems me changing is too much of a change and I'm not the woman he married. Besides that, he says he lost faith because of me and I can't have that on my conscience. I lost faith because of me, no one else. If I'm causing him crises, and unhappiness than this can't continue.

Would like some input on prices and helpfulness if anyone knows though.

I actually started this topic while heavily drinking, I'll admit, so I don't remember my intentions.
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#403193 - 07/13/10 01:50 PM Re: Counseling [Re: Niki]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Everyone loses faith by themselves, for themselves. Other people can encourage them to question the way they think, but they cannot make them change their beliefs.
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#403212 - 07/14/10 09:12 AM Re: Counseling [Re: PDM]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
I wanted to say something else.

My Mum & Dad were starting to plan their silver wedding, when he died quite suddenly, 11 years ago. They had become engaged when they were 22 ~ just a few weeks after meeting. They were always together from then on ~ people joked that they were joined at the hip. They loved going dancing, taking long walks in the hills and by the seaside, going off in their caravan ~ they even took up camping in their 60s!

My Dad was an agnostic, who bordered very closely on atheism ~ and he was extremely critical of the Roman Catholic Church.

My Mum is a Roman Catholic with strong faith.

I cannot say that there were no arguments, because they were (often when other people got involved), but they loved each other and remained devoted to each other, regardless.

Differences in religious opinion and belief do not have to destroy a marriage ~ but they can test it. I know that.

One's beliefs are in one's heart, but love resides there, too, and love can conquer all.

There is a hymn which begins: 'God is Love'.
If God is love, then love is God.
If one accepts that, then it should not matter what else one does or does not believe.

Good luck!


Edited by PDM (07/14/10 09:13 AM)
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"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#403219 - 07/14/10 02:26 PM Re: Counseling [Re: PDM]
Niki Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 12/05/05
Posts: 1720
Loc: New York
Thanks. It would be better if it felt that way - so happy. But I feel hated, and more time than not he's angry at me.

It's complicated though, as usual. He's going to leave for a week tomorrow, and we'll try to work things out then.
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#403233 - 07/14/10 08:03 PM Re: Counseling [Re: Niki]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
It may be that he is angry at the situation, rather than at you. He may feel frustrated, lost, confused, impotent, etc. That is a difficult situation for a husband to be in.

Try reading some of the books on behaviour within relationships ~ eg the 'Venus and Mars' books. They really can be eye-openers and I believe that they can help couples to communicate better and increase harmony. They helped me to be better at communicating and comprehending. They are probably available in libraries.

http://home.marsvenus.com/

I feel sad that the ideas that you have developed ~ partly on here ~ are causing you pain.


Edited by PDM (07/14/10 08:04 PM)
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#403941 - 08/15/10 10:22 PM Re: Counseling [Re: PDM]
jilly Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
Nikki, are things better at all? have you found counselling? I have always wanted to try marriage counselling. it seems everyone in the movies does it, but i don't know any actual people who do it. I always feel it would be helpful.

Hoping things have improved for you both.
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Jilly


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#403955 - 08/16/10 08:01 AM Re: Counseling [Re: jilly]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
I know people who have tried it ~ with good results.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#403986 - 08/18/10 02:43 AM Re: Counseling [Re: PDM]
Niki Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 12/05/05
Posts: 1720
Loc: New York
It's gotten worse. We've separated and pretty much completely disintegrated.

I still want to do counseling, but don't know if I can afford it or if the health insurance with cover it. I haven't looked too much into it... I really should.. It's just been very hard lately.

Part of me is thrilled and feeling... free for the first time in my young life. I blame this separation on myself. Every since losing my religion I've had so many regrets for not living my life and marriage was half terrifying me and half making me hate myself for not being the woman he married.

Erg...

But yeah. I should at least do counseling for myself, if not couple's counseling. Separation and divorce is no easy thing.
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