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#407651 - 01/04/11 12:00 AM Re: does he like me? (go figure, common question huh?) [Re: Chautauqua1]
MW1 Offline
Companion

Registered: 03/09/10
Posts: 123
Loc: Virginia
Haven't been on in a while and just saw your post Chautaugua1 - Hope you were able to see past all the other "stuff" that went on here.

one more comment: Therefore, WOW. LOL smile

(hopefully this comment wasn't out of line - I'd laugh and hopefully others will too that have read this topic)


Edited by MW1 (01/04/11 12:07 AM)

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#409352 - 01/27/11 06:51 PM Re: does he like me? (go figure, common question huh?) [Re: Chautauqua1]
RatherIncoherent Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 4
So, to start this post, I figure I will say this right now: I am here because other people expect me to be heart-breakingly mean (apparently I'm a hilariously mean person, I had no idea) to the happiest forum I've ever seen. Interpret that how you will, I'm currently too fascinated by this thread to do any of that meanness tomfoolery.


Alright; responses to the 1st page:

1st, @OP, I think that you've described to me every generally happy person I've ever known. You're story is pretty vague and... well, he just sounds like a happy person. Let me provide basic examples to point out the flaws:

1-He laughs and jokes and smiles. He likes you.
2-He doesn't do any of that. So... he sits straight-faced and never says anything funny and I guess that means you're friends?

Maybe I live in a completely different social circle than most people, but, last I checked, total lack of laughter and smiling of any kind meant you at least were bored with the person and quite possibly disliked them. I mean, what you described could mean something for some people, but unless you type up a several thousand word description of him I rather doubt he's going to sound like anything other than absolutely normal to an outsider.

Almost forgot! No. No, transferred feelings doesn't work like that. You could argue being around happy people makes things more enjoyable, but love doesn't force love. If anything, that'd be called Stockholm Syndrome.


Responses to the 2nd Page:

@Dan Druff's 1st post - Yo! You sound just like me! Only you have absolutely no tact (subtlety goes a long way) and aren't the slightest bit constructive. I particularly like that totally irrelevant cat metaphor you used as a means of condescending, class act smile I guess you're third paragraph was an explanation of why this forum shouldn't exist? That's... Well, this isn't the place that you'll win that argument. I'll put it that way.

@Dan Druff's 2nd post - Hi again! You are correct, your post wasn't sugarcoated. Possibly coated in capsaicin, but certainly not sugar. While I agree that it isn't generally good to feed someone undue positivity, it probably isn't great to bludgeon them with disappointment, either. In regards to this forum being universally sugarcoated... Meh. I agree, but I get the feeling that you tried so hard to distance yourself from that mindset that you ended up only being able to communicate ideas by launching them with a trebuchet.

@MW1's 2nd post - He did give advice. Read between the lines and you'll find it's more or less my advice.

@Dan Druff's 3rd and 4th posts (expecting double digits at this point) - First, I find it hilarious that you got hung up on the debatable, ill-defined uses of "therefore" when discussing a run-on sentence. Just... Priorities man!

Also, in regards to "not being here for a life story," I doubt the rest of this forum is here for cat metaphors. Figure out how conversation (maybe rhetoric is closer to correct here) works before criticizing quite relevant parts of it. While I'm on the subject of irrelevant semantics, I have to say, "mean" and "brutally honest" people aren't mistakable. The belief that they are stems from the arrogance of the mean and the fragility of the vulnerable.


3rd Page! Yea! Make that progress!

@PDM's post about knowing what is wanted (I'm not going to try to # all of yours, sorry) - I really don't care about context or reasoning, it's absurd to say that you know what is wanted. If there is more than one person involved in any discussion, then no one person knows what is wanted. Perhaps you mean "What is wanted on this forum (as opposed to, directed at these people), but the way it is, it comes off as power tripping (which, in context, is hilariously absurd).

@XPR15SR - Wait? Does the respect thing cease applying when discussing people that are banned? That's interesting... Wait, no it isn't! That's basically saying that you're only allowed to insult people who can't defend themselves. Meh, whatever, moving on.

@Lisa Shea's 2nd post - I guess I might be either emotionally jaded or missing a lot of the story (assuming some sort of email went on between you and Dan), but doesn't it seem really harsh to threaten someone with the cops when what they said was more or less, "Your writing is bad and your story is vague, grr!" I mean... Alright, I'll concede to context here. Surely I'm missing or overlooking something.

@Chautauqua1's last post - As someone who wishes to be a writer - Don't say things like "one post doesn't...". Also, English classes are, unfortunately, not that relevant to writing (or schools to intelligence, but that's another rant). It doesn't come off as arrogant, but unwilling to accept... is criticism the right word for Dan? Whatever, if you want to practice an art, you don't ever get to blame anyone else before considering every possible scenario that puts blame on you. Also, stop putting tremendous emotional value in the views of strangers. It can't be healthy, especially when that stranger whose opinion you value so highly is the internet's


4th page! I am plowing through this entire thread, like a boss!

Eh, may as well respond to MW1's post, seeing as I can't just not respond to this page: That isn't how you use therefore. Sorry frown

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#409355 - 01/27/11 07:31 PM Re: does he like me? (go figure, common question huh?) [Re: Chautauqua1]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
Rather Incoherent ~ I can assure you that the administrative team on this site know exactly what is and what is not 'wanted' on here.

Lisa is the owner of the site and she knows how she wants it to be run.
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#409358 - 01/27/11 07:49 PM Re: does he like me? (go figure, common question huh?) [Re: Chautauqua1]
Lisa Shea Offline

Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 5872
Loc: US
It does seem fairly like troll behavior for someone to come on and as their very first act to invest a substantial amount of time in critiquing how various members of an established forum handle their interactions. A typical member would work to become part of a community before embarking on a step-by-step attempt to explain to everyone else why what they are doing is right or wrong for their community.

I think it's fair to state that RatherIncoherent's behavior is fairly suspect. He is apparently being drawn into this by an existing member to "argue a side" (or simply to "cause trouble"). This is not the purpose of these forums.

RatherIncoherent - as you are clearly brand new, maybe you feel critiquing other people is a normal and accepted activity for a forum. It is not normal nor accepted here. While we would love to have you stay and be a productive member of our forum, if your sole purpose is to make judgments about other members then we will need to ask you to find another forum where that behavior is a focus.

I would ask other existing forum members not to exacerbate the potential troll situation here. Let us give him the benefit of the doubt for another post or two to see if he can adjust to the way our forum operates. The moderators will keep a close eye on any future posts he might make. If it does become clear that his main intention is to upset people or to criticize people, then we will take appropriate action.


Edited by Lisa Shea (01/27/11 07:52 PM)
_________________________
Lisa Shea, Owner

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#409359 - 01/27/11 07:54 PM Re: does he like me? (go figure, common question huh?) [Re: PDM]
RatherIncoherent Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 4
Originally Posted By: PDM
Rather Incoherent ~ I can assure you that the administrative team on this site know exactly what is and what is not 'wanted' on here.

Lisa is the owner of the site and she knows how she wants it to be run.


I meant no offense and I didn't intend to question your decision. My intent was to point out that it sounded as though you were telling other people what they wanted to hear, as opposed to saying that what was said wasn't allowed. The difference in the post I'm responding to now (as opposed to the 2nd one), is the phrase "on here." That implies what is wanted on the forums, as opposed to what is wanted in discussion.

Anyways, I'm not going to argue semantics. This never end well and it serves no purpose. My apologies for any misunderstanding.

P.S. I can't think of a way to say this that can't be read in a pompous manner, so please read this as though I asked with genuine confusion, because I do. Why is "wanted" in quotes. I honestly can't wrap my head around it and spent like 5 minutes trying to find a meaning behind this.

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#409360 - 01/27/11 08:10 PM Re: does he like me? (go figure, common question huh?) [Re: Chautauqua1]
Lisa Shea Offline

Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 5872
Loc: US
I think it's fair to state that a moderator who has been in the forums for over six years, has made over 22,000 posts, and is generally lauded as being fair, understanding, and wise in her forum moderation, does in fact thoroughly know and understand what the forum exists for, what people who live in this forum want to hear, and what is appropriate.

If there is genuine confusion it is why someone who is brand new to a community would feel it is natural and in the spirit of that community to embark on a campaign of criticizing and critiquing all posters on the way in which they discuss issues and the language they choose to use. A sincere community member would first spend time in said forum and demonstrate that they are familiar with and accepting of the forum's community ethics and purpose.

If you don't accept our purpose or ethics, it seems fairly pointless for you to sign on solely to explain to our community why you don't wish to be a part of our community or why you disagree with what we do and why we do it.


Edited by Lisa Shea (01/27/11 08:11 PM)
_________________________
Lisa Shea, Owner

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#409362 - 01/27/11 08:10 PM Re: does he like me? (go figure, common question huh?) [Re: Lisa Shea]
RatherIncoherent Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 4
Originally Posted By: Lisa Shea
It does seem fairly like troll behavior for someone to come on and as their very first act to invest a substantial amount of time in critiquing how various members of an established forum handle their interactions. A typical member would work to become part of a community before embarking on a step-by-step attempt to explain to everyone else why what they are doing is right or wrong for their community.

I think it's fair to state that RatherIncoherent's behavior is fairly suspect. He is apparently being drawn into this by an existing member to "argue a side" (or simply to "cause trouble"). This is not the purpose of these forums.

RatherIncoherent - as you are clearly brand new, maybe you feel critiquing other people is a normal and accepted activity for a forum. It is not normal nor accepted here. While we would love to have you stay and be a productive member of our forum, if your sole purpose is to make judgments about other members then we will need to ask you to find another forum where that behavior is a focus.

I would ask other existing forum members not to exacerbate the potential troll situation here. Let us give him the benefit of the doubt for another post or two to see if he can adjust to the way our forum operates. The moderators will keep a close eye on any future posts he might make. If it does become clear that his main intention is to upset people or to criticize people, then we will take appropriate action.


*Shrug* I don't really know how to respond? May as well start with context:

I always communicate like this. In my view, there is absolutely no worth in stating an opinion if you don't do it thoroughly. Often times that drives me to go through absolutely ridiculous lengths to make points (or, in this case, to make a vast number of points).

Next, I admitted coming into this that I was told by an outside source to check out this particular thread. Isn't it then inherent that this would be the first thread I post in? Likewise, does "arguing a side" mean trolling? If people didn't argue for or against varying opinions, were there only one opinion (a fact), you would have a website that consisted of a single, public-notice sentence and not a forum.

As for making judgements: Did I? I'm asking to have my judgements pointed out here, because I didn't realize I was doing it. Later, when I'm a bit less flustered, I'll reread my post a few times and see what it was for myself.

If it's just the way I'm communicating that comes off as that, I'll try to change it (although, I find it funny in a rather depressing way that my natural method of communication is against the rules).

As for my "sole purpose", late to the party though I may be, didn't I offer advice? Yes, it was muddled by my massive number of individual responses, but in my 2 posts directed at the OP I made 2 points. The first was that it was really hard to judge the situation because the person sounded as though they were friends due to vagueness. My second piece of advice was, coldly, not to (emotionally) value the opinions of the internet. I admit that I wasn't able to give advice on the matter that was meant to be at hand (does he like me?), but I was able to give advice on either what the scenario was or what I needed to be more able to justifiably give that advice.

Anyway, I'm going to refrain from posting for a bit. At the time, I'm having a hard time thinking level-headedly. I'd explain why, but I doubt I could do it without being extremely aggressive at this point in time.

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#409365 - 01/27/11 08:25 PM Re: does he like me? (go figure, common question huh?) [Re: Lisa Shea]
RatherIncoherent Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 4
Originally Posted By: Lisa Shea
I think it's fair to state that a moderator who has been in the forums for over six years, has made over 22,000 posts, and is generally lauded as being fair, understanding, and wise in her forum moderation, does in fact thoroughly know and understand what the forum exists for, what people who live in this forum want to hear, and what is appropriate.

If there is genuine confusion it is why someone who is brand new to a community would feel it is natural and in the spirit of that community to embark on a campaign of criticizing and critiquing all posters on the way in which they discuss issues and the language they choose to use. A sincere community member would first spend time in said forum and demonstrate that they are familiar with and accepting of the forum's community ethics and purpose.

If you don't accept our purpose or ethics, it seems fairly pointless for you to sign on solely to explain to our community why you don't wish to be a part of our community or why you disagree with what we do and why we do it.


Look, there is no way for either of us to debate this. We have differing opinions here. Mine is that no one can say what someone else wants. I'd be willing to debate that within some contexts, but for the most part I wouldn't even consider it. When it comes to something like discussing life behind the veil of anonymity, I will never see anyone as having a right to speak for someone else.

I'm pretty sure that you have a differing opinion, so I'm not going to try to sway you on that. Last post I said that I wouldn't argue semantics; this post I'll say that I won't argue opinions. I'll have a checklist by the end of the day smile

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#409391 - 01/27/11 10:00 PM Re: does he like me? (go figure, common question huh?) [Re: Chautauqua1]
jilly Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
RatherIncoherent, the reason your posts are making a poor impression is because you are a newbie who is coming on here criticizing people. We have no other context of you. So, we find it suspect.

I'd recommend not trying to wrestle the semantics in this thread any further. You have clearly stated your piece.

The best thing you could do would be to post in the other forums in a friendly way. Contribute to the many debate threads! There is a lot here to talk about.

You don't have to change who you are, but we do ask everyone to post things in as compassionate a way as possible. It doesn't come easy - we all have to work at it. smile
_________________________
Jilly


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#409416 - 01/28/11 11:10 AM Re: does he like me? (go figure, common question huh?) [Re: Chautauqua1]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
I agree.
Let's have a fresh start and see if we can reach harmony smile
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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